shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

>@ Okay but have you considered: Using the bar as fortification against potential hostiles is paying the abr the utmost respect, lovey. I'd never disrespect a piece of furniture that protects me.

>@ I'm sure I would, if your heart has any taste at all. I'm very easy to get along with :P

 

>@ Have you considered joining me in infringing on your human pal's brand identity?
>@ Nah, I'm kidding, I getcha, that's gotta have been difficult.

>@ Something, something, Jeez Ghazal stop bingereading foodblogs instead of actually doing something productive with your life, or do you want to keep living in this cave far away from civilized society?
>@ Fuck you too, Cat-lusus-woman. I like my cave.

 

[karkat laughs at that]
OH, FUCK NO. I PREFER NOT BROADCASTING MY RAGING DOUCHEBAGGERY BEFORE I OPEN MY SQUAWKBLISTER. TALKING ALREADY DRIVES THAT ASPECT OF MY PERSONALITY IN, WITH A TOUCH ABOUT AS DELICATE AS A JACKHAMMER DIRECTLY TO THE FACE.

ANYWAY IT WAS FINE, I'M HERE NOW AND ALTERNIA IS A LONG-FLUSHED NUGGET DOWN THE MEMORY GAPER, MARINATING IN THE SEWAGE OF MY PAN WITH ALL THE BAD DECISIONS I'VE FORGOTTEN. YOU DON'T GOTTA DO THE WHOLE SYMPATHY THING.

NEXT TIME NEPETA'S HERE I SHOULD INTRODUCE HER TO YOU. SHE'S PRETTY MUCH FUCKING FERAL--LIVED IN A CAVE TOO--AND IS THE MOST-TOLERABLE OUT OF AN EVER-EXPANDING LIST OF FELINE LADIES. I MEAN, THAT'S NOT SAYING MUCH! SHE STILL INSISTS ON RPING WITH ME EVEN AS *KARKAT VOMITS DUE TO SUGAR OVERDOSE DIRECTLY INTO THE TEACUP AND SAYS* CUT TO THE CHASE BEFORE I DIE OF OLD AGE, LEIJON. BUT OH WELL. BETTER THAN GETTING LUSUSED AT

 

[He lazily salutes with one hand, continuing his spinning with the other. What a dexterous and coordinated young man. Trolls far and wide swoon at his display of multi tasking ability]

>@ Well, your feral feline friend sounds positively delightful. How could I say no to someone who appreciates a good tea?
>@ But yes the lususing is pretty much the absolute worst thing about this place. It's not like my Dad is right there or anything. No I'm clearly a poor orphan in need of getting fussed at.
[If he rolled his eyes any harder he'd probably strain something]

 

"Hi. I'm the matesprit who likes glitter and also the person who ordered a bunch of stuff from your shop. Mabel Pines." She holds out her hand to him in greeting. "I know it's a pain in the butt, but the reason they do that is because to be a guardian for a minor you have to have passed the comps yourself. Among other things. Lusii...weren't even a thing on Pennarion until trolls started showing up. Are you guys all going to come visit?"

 

[He waves, looking at the hand a little confusedly. Touching strangers? In his business transactions?? It's more likely than you think]
>@ Sup, lovey. You've basically bought me the next few weeks of supplies, thanks a bunch.
>@ Annnnd as for visiting... Sure! Probably? I mean I can only speak for myself, and well. I have no idea how to get to your place for starters so it'll be an adventure.

 

PLEASE TELL ME WHEN I SAID THE TEA WAS *GOOD*
IT'S HOT LEAF WATER, SAME AS ANYTHING ELSE. MIGHT AS WELL HAVE MADE IT OUT OF LAWNRING CLIPPINGS! NOW *THERE'S* AN IDEA FOR PRETENTIOUS HIPSTER DRINK, MAXIMIZE PROFITS AND REDUCE OVERHEAD. I HEAR THE PESTICIDES ADD SOMETHING REALLY ~SPECIAL~ TO THE FLAVOR PROFILE, RIGHT UP UNTIL YOU KEEL OVER!

ORPHANS DON'T NECESSARILY NEED FUSSED AT, EITHER. WE ALL MANAGED JUST FINE, YOU PRESUMPTUOUS PILE OF LINT AND DISAPPOINTMENTS.

 

[Ghazal ducks his head a little.]
>@ Hey, now, hey, no offense made. Never said you're one of them orphans who may need fussing at, I meant there may be some out there somewhere, or at least the cats seem to think that.
>@ And as for the tea, ain't everyone cuppa the same.
[He gives a shy, cautious smile, looking up at Karkat from where he's sitting on the floor. Peace offering pun....????]

 

[karkat snorts and rolls his eyes. he's not smiling, because you have to make an offering to a demon under a blue moon to get him to do that for a stranger, but he's not scowling and his body language is signalling 'relaxed']

OH, THAT WAS *BAD.* I HAVEN'T HEARD SOMETHING THAT BAD THAT WASN'T PART OF A QUIRK SINCE SOLLUX'S CRINGEFEST OF FLIRTATION. SURELY IT WILL TAKE ANOTHER TWO SWEEPS TO PURGE THIS VILE FUCKING UTTERANCE FROM MY POOR, TRAUMATIZED PAN

 

[Ghazal grins, snickering quietly]

>@ I can do a ot worse than that, do't tempt me.

 

-she'd popped out of the rave when she heard zombies, now she's back. Her bandages have moved around; most of the old ones are gone, now only her arms are wrapped up. Her previously wrapped knee has a bite scar, which probably means she's immune to zombification-

Huh. Here again. Was starting to think it was just a particularly weird normal dream.

 

The astral plane is telling me that you all are planning on being very stupid soon.

 

Anniversary celebration
Anniversary celebration
Happy birthday to [NAME]
Congratulations on your brand anniversary

 

IT PREFERS TO RUN TOWARD YOU[R MONEY] INSTEAD!!!!

 

[Gets out the broom. The golden broom with a crust of jewels on the handle]
NO! I'M A DUMB BRUTE! SHOO!!

 

GIMME THE BROOM!

 

[terrified screaming, deadpan expression]

pls no i never finished middle school

 

GO TO COLLEG! GET UR LURNUNG ON!

 

I REFUUUUUUUSE!
[Swats colleg with broom.]

 

how can i get my learning on if i cant do short division dog
i dont know shit about fuck bro and im pretty sure at least a cursory amount of fuck knowledge is required for higher lurnung