shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

*swats loreli with book*

WHAT IS FUCK BRO?

 

youre telling me youre an institute of education and you dont know fuck bro?
goddamn disgrace what people will pay for these days might as well get your degree out a damn cracker jack box

 

[Swats colleg with the broom harder.]

 

-falls through a portal and collapses-

 

[One yellow optic blinks up at the portal for a moment; a limb telescopes out to gently prod at the person who fell out of it.] Well hello there.

 

-Chell jumps and portals herself out of poking range- [GLaDOS?]
-she points the portalgun at Mala and looks around for things to throw at him-
[wait, you´re not GLaDOS.]

 

[Mala quickly retracts the poking limb; another optic comes into existence from somewhere within the improbable pile of gears and metal bits to watch the floating words, while the original one tries to see what's going on between the portals. Would it be bad form to see what happens when that little armcannon shoots something alive...?] No, can't say that's a name I've ever been called before now! Who or what is GLaDOS?

 

[Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System. She runs Aperture Science. She has cameras everywhere. Are you an AI?]

 

That's... certainly a name. She picked it herself? No accounting for taste, is there? And I guarantee she hasn't got cameras everywhere. As for AI-- maybe I am, maybe I'm not! Who's to say?

 

[I think the scientists just called her that. The ones who made her. Who made you?]

 

Primus, probably, or some facet of him and-or his siblings. Myself, maybe, 'pending on which copy of me you've got.

Why would her creators choose her name, though? A callsign, sure, 'til she figures out who she is if they don't know how to hear sparks properly, but that's just rude! [Several plating-looking bits puff out indignantly; a jet of steam shrieks away in the background, hopefully not pointed towards anyone.]

 

-Chell seeks refuge behind a stack of strange cubes. Where did those come from? Ohh- [Hey, I didn´t do it! Shit you can´t hear me.] -makes a set of portals, causing a cube to bonk mala upside the head to get his attention-
[That wasn´t me! The scienstist who did that are dead, she killed them.]

 

[The cube is deflected with barely a thought, nevermind that Mala doesn't have much a head to aim for. They do blink, though, successfully derailed. From the tantrum, anyway; the optic-cone that's been studying portals swivels to look at the one above them curiously.]

Well, yes, you implied that already. I'm still fussed at them.

 

-the portal shows whatever can be seen from the corresponding one in the floor- [Well the last time a giant robot threw a shitfit she tried to kill me so I´m a little concerned when that happens.]
-still hiding behind cubes. cubes are friends-

 

Fair enough. [Is that... the underside of the half-collapsed pile of generic cubes over there? Huh. Interesting. Some sort of wormhole cannon definitely. Absolutely need to see what happens to living matter with portals in.] ...where'd you get that little armcannon you've got there?

 

-experimentally tosses a can of beans through the higher portal. For science!-

 

[From GLaDOS. It´s standard for test subjects]

-it comes flying up out of the lower one and rolls over the ground with a clatter, making Chell give it a deathglare for startling her-

 

You've got the right idea! Should set up instruments, see if it's really instantaneous and if the materials are at all rearranged and... all kinds of things, really!

Hmmm. And where is GlaDOS?

 

[In Aperture, probably. Probably watching us ad laughing at us-

 

[Disgruntled chuffing.]

'In Aperture' tells me about as much as 'in Limnibus' would tell you. I still doubt she's got eyes here, though.