shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

"How can you put up with that, I can barley understand him. This is as bad as it gets, I hope."

"You're - you're damn right I got you there, Morty. Because I'm the best. I'm the smartest Morty, I know these things. I knew that you were going to agree with me, that's why I was so chill. You see Morty? Everything - everything is already planned out, Morty. It's all - it's all just a big plan." He rambles off about the government, taking a big drink from his flask, looking unhappy when he empties it.

 

[-Amused snort equivalent- Yes yes, just remember who makes you handsome and gives you weapons.]

 

"H-holy shit, you're a god of time? That's like - that's way better than having a portal gun." He looks nervously at Rick, "N-no offense or anything, R-Rick, it's just not everyday you meet a god. C-can you control time or - or - or something? And thanks for t-teaching me, that, 'cause, ya'know it's not that easy to understand even though Rick know's it like the back - back of his hand and all. Time travel is just fucking weird."

 

YEAH, AND MY SHIT COMES OUT SHAPED LIKE STARS AND SMELLING LIKE DAISIES.

YOU THINK MAYBE YOU'LL FIND SOME COHERENT SENTENCES AT THE BOTTOM OF THAT FLASK, TURDSPONGE? OOH LA LA, DEATH IS DARK, WHAT A NOVEL CONCEPT. MAYBE IN A SWEEP OR SO THE WIGGLERS WILL GRADUATE TO UNDERSTANDING GALLOWS HUMOR, DO US ALL A FAVOR AND PUBLICLY EXECUTE THIS FUCKING EXISTENTIAL NONSENSE WE'VE FOUND OURSELVES WALLOWING IN LIKE A REAL GAGGLE OF HALF-PANNED STOOGES.

I'M SURE YOU'LL ALSO CONSIDER THE CULLING OF WIGGLERS "BRUTAL SHIT" BUT I WENT OVER THIS WITH MY HUMANS SWEEPS AGO AND I'M NOT EXACTLY LOOKING TO REHASH IT WITH SOMEONE WHO CAN'T EVEN STAND UP STRAIGHT, THANKS.

 

"Y-y-yeah, multi-verses, i-it-it is pretty weird - I mean, after all the stuff I've seen. R-re-really makes you think about what else c-could be out there, you know?" Morty stutters as he plays with the hem of his shirt.

 

I am still not sure what you said, but I am fairly sure it was at least a little rude. [He smirks at the sword, at least a little amused] I will have to try and acquire a language expansion for myself to fix this.

 

Spoiler: image

hell yeah dude i fuckin died for these sweet duds
i can absolutely control time but i the last time i fucked with it was four years ago
took me and my crew five thousand years in the future but times not like a toy or whatever the fuck your old mans doin with it
time is a really fucking delicate instrument and playing with it willy nilly just fucks you over
i think the point of having time powers in the end is learning how not to use them like how superman doesnt just eye laser lex luthor to death and put an end to his problems once and for all or whatever
the point is learning how to use your eye lasers or time powers responsibly and a lot of the time that means not using them you dig

 

"That's not much of an apology, Morty, and -"

"Okay what t-the fuck, where did you come from, where's - where's your Rick." Rick asks, blinking for a minute before pausing. Oh shit. "Wait, wait - you're, what the fuck. Wait, which one of these - these Morty's is my original, Morty? Jesus christ, I think I've had - had too much to drink."

"Well I sure as hell will find all my - my fucks that I give. Which right now are none, at all, because I couldn't care any less than I do now. Just a big 'ol ball of not caring. And I can stand straight, I'm not that drunk yet, it takes more than one - one bottle to fuck me up that much, thank you - thank you very much."

 

Morty gives a confused look "R-r-Rick! I-I-I'm y-you're Morty, wh-wha-what do you mean?" He gestures to himself.

 

SO WHAT IS THE TRUTH?

 

"Woah, u-uh this is really, this is really weird. Uh, hi - hi me. Other me? Uh, m-me me. Hi." Morty waves nervously, giving a small smile to the other Morty.

"W-what do you mean, original M-Morty? I'm not - not y-y-y-your origional Morty? I'm a-a replacement? Oooh, ooh, oh jeez. Oh jeez." Morty hugs himself, looking thoroughly fucked up.

 

-cackles, and speaks in awkward Neocybex-
Good luck expansion Old Cybertronian!

 

"Haha... yea... h-hi..." Morty says quietly as he begins to sweat.

"I-I-I'm not so sure i-if-if 'r-re-replacement' is the right word, but I-I see where y-yo-you're coming from... I-I think." He stars nervously picking at his nails.

 

Spoiler: img

"Calm - calm down Morty, calm down. It's - you're fine, I just... I have two Morty's. Yeah, I have two Morty's and it's always been that way, and no one can say otherwise. This is the other - other Morty, Morty. Just, go - go with it, Mortysss. Just, go with the show, Morty. Just hold - hold on for the ride, Morty." He burps out Morty's name.

"Y-yeah, Morty - uh... Morty C-137, you've got it - got it right. You know your stuff. But uh, I mean, not to make anyone confused - confused or anything," He pointedly looks at the other Morty. "Not to confuse, but I thought - thought you were dead." He looks mildly shaken, but is hiding it fairly well.

 

Old... ohh. I apologize. [He chuckles] Perhaps I am going to need something more historian, then.

 

"Sh-should I-I leave? I-I mean I do-don't want to cause con-confusion" Morty can feel his blood run slightly cold as he starts playing with his hands, pinching the peachy flesh, and digging his nails into said flesh, as to find any form of hoping that this is all a dream.

 

[She gently pets his shoulder.]
One does not easily work through these things. I'm sure they were wonderful.

[She suppresses a little giggle.]

I can translate for him if need be. We are quite used to it, the Primal Vernacular is not very widesprfead these orns.

 

Rick rushes over and grabs Morty's shoulders, his grip almost crushing. "God no, you - you stay right here. I - I mean, it wouldn't be okay for me to leave - leave you alone. It's - it's fine, stay, you're fine. It's all - it's all good." Rick covered up the emotion in his voice, clearing his throat. He looks around for a minute, before walking over to where he parked his ship, grabbing a new bottle from it and taking a long, overdue drink. He turned back to both Morty's. "See? Everything -" He burps, hand moving to his stomach. " - everything is great!"

 

"U-uh Rick, what'd - what'd yo-you mean by dead? What happened to, uhm, C-C-137, Rick? Why haven't I met him before now?"

 

No, I suppose it doesn't and they were. [He looks away for a moment, collecting himself again]
It fell quite out of use a while ago, I would think. May I ask how it comes that you are both fluent in it?