shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Or you can be cruel to me cap ;)

My name's Venture being forward is what I do. Among other things. [He finally hops off his convenient pillar, wings fluttering while he grins up at Updraft.] You and me and Nichy here whaddya say?

 

[He shouldn't. He absolutely shouldn't. This is a terrible idea]
I wouldn't say no.
[He's going to do it anyways because he's weak and he's surrounded by pretty people hitting on him that's more than someone as touch starved as him can be sensibly allowed to pass up on]

 

[She continues petting him, her own vents making a little sputterng noise]

Awww Venture, you always know just the thing to say.

[She grins, taking hs hand.] Shall we then?

 

[Well that's decided then. He stops on his coding one last time to try and get it to shut up] Apparently, yes. You are the captain after all [He's absolutely joking there, but the status reminder helps a bit to make his coding settle again]
[He leans down - far down - to place a kiss on Nichrome's audial, all gentle before looking back up to Venture and offering him his other hand]

 

Indeed.

-snorts-

Velocitronians.

-she watches then go, amused-

 

It means he's superfast at being wrong. As opposed to being average speed at being wrong, which, of course, would be a tragedy.

 

Rude!

 

It is true, is it not?

 

What was that? [Hive leans forwards, twitching to and fro as if trying to hear what Shock is saying. It doesn't work.] Did you say something, my Queen?

[Hivebite turns to Thunderwing, looking down at the much bulkier bot. In comparison, Hive resembles a twig of some kind, and looks like he could be snapped in half with little effort. Hive seems pleased by this.] <I - I suppose, in a sense, my Queen is my handler? He was my handler before he was my Queen. And I take orders from him because his is my Queen, but also because I was put in charge of being his personal bodyguard!>

[He pauses for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to explain what a queen is. After a moment he smiles, bouncing a little.] <A Queen is in charge of a colony, and they take on more than one mate to achieve the muscle power and population diversity of their own choosing. Megatron is the Queen of Decepticons, but sometimes his worker ants will break off and make colonies of their own. I am doing that by choosing Shockcollar as my Queen! Together we will make a glorious colony, even if I'm not chosen as a mate!> [Hive chitters happily, though he sounds a little down when saying the last sentence.]

 

<You take mates for... population? How does that work? Sparks come from the Ground, not mechs.> [Thunderwing grooms his own face, more confused than ever.] <And anyone with more than one mate is a queen? Am I a queen then? I have three, four if we count romance-mates and not just interface bonds.>

 

You kiddin'? That stuff sounds delish! I'd try a bite of it fo' sure if I had me some Tapu Cocoa to help wash it down.

 

EATING BUGS, OR THERMAL HULL SURPRISE? THERE *IS* A RIGHT ANSWER

 

[Hive gives a hum, frowning in thought.] <Not population - though I think my insect counterparts do. No, I meant as in diversity of their own colony. If they want a diverse colony, they take very different partners in mates from one to the next.> [Hive bite blinked, eyes/optics widening comically.] <Oh, I hadn't known! Forgive any insult, Highness!> [He chitters nervously, bouncing in place.]

 

<How do mates make a swarm diverse then? Only Makers or Groundspeakers have anything to do with that, and everyone can't be those, that's silly.> [Confused chittering.] <and I'm not a Highness I don't think? Unless it is the multiple mates thing? I'm just a scout who got very very lost and very very lucky.>

 

Thermal-what-surprise? Buddy, all I'm sayin' is that a slice of grub sounds like the way to go!

 

<Well, they take different body types, sizes, and different kinds. My Queen, even if not mated to me, has me in his colony. To make it diverse, he'd take let's say, a dinobot, a tripple changer, and a cityformer as his mates. The dinobot is average sized and strong, but not very smart. The tripple changer is small but wise. The cityformer is massive, and is very creative. So by that way, from them, the colony is diverse. The mates would then bring in others to the colony from who they know. If that is making sense.>

<Oh, well I - it depends really, I think. Many mates is a key factor of being a queen, but you also have to have the loyalty and commanding ability over your mates and colony. You do look worthy of being a queen, at least. Or - maybe a first-chosen mate.>

 

<Oh! Are your colonies very small then? Our swarms are-- hundreds. Thousands, even, if there's enough food!! But lots of people do the same thing-- there might be a few hundred Fixers, and a handful of Groundspeakers, and many many warriors to protect everyone and just as many scouts to find food and new hivesites!! But we don't... Well... My swarm never brought in many outsiders, if we needed more people we'd get more sparks for the Makers and let them grow!

<And... Thank you? I don't give orders, though... None of us really do? It's just us five, that's not enough people to need someone in charge. We listen to Stream about explosives, or Wires about healing stuff, but not... No one's commanding.>

 

<Our colonies don't often grow very large. And we've had to branch out and use outsiders because our numbers have... dwindled, in the last while. Probably a side effect of being as violent as we are and creating such small groups. That and, I doubt I can make a colony with just my Queen and myself! I wasn't even supposed to have him as my queen, believe it or not!!>

<Well that seems a little counterproductive, isn't it? Someone needs to be the queen! How else do you know what to do? Who else do you protect?!> [Hive's antennae twitch in confusion, cocking his head slightly.]

 

<...we'll probably lose numbers soon too, if we don't spread out. Too many swarms now that we can't just eat Autobots without everyone making a fuss.> [He droops a little.] <I mean, I'll be fine, I'm the only one of us who needs a lot of energon, but...

<...anyway! We protect each other!!! We don't have to protect anyone else!! We know what to do because we're used to working with each other and when we have time to plan we talk it out!! Mostly we just hunt now anyways, that doesn't usually need much planning... Stream gets targets from someone else every few decades I think? And we just go through the List! Don't know why Tarn and the others want all these people dead but. More food so does it matter?>

 

[karkat decides to be deliberately obtuse and summons a delicious slice of grubloaf, still hot from the oven with a little tomato sauce on top. it looks sort of like normal meatloaf to the unawares*]

YOU MEAN THIS?

[*translator's note: this particular instance is made from beefgrub, not troll babies]