shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

yes tell that bitch whats UP
give
me
some

[dave holds his hand up for a high five]

 

-Koezel sighs contentedly. He loves the taste of salt in the morning.-

 

Im pretty sure that 'asshole' and 'crazy' arent mutually exclusive. And also a requirement phor being a phuckin highblood. So, to answer your question...

*He flips a coin.*

'Ask again later.'

 

...Well shit I know I'm fucking off MY rocker but I have no idea how big of an asshole I am.
Give it to Me straight Fam how awful am I

 

'ASSHOLE' IS GIVING HIM TOO MUCH CREDIT, HE'S JUST A WIGGLER WHO FOUND OUT HOW TO FONDLE HIMSELF AND IS TRYING TO SHOW US ALL HIS NEW TRICK. DISGUSTING, I KNOW, BUT AT THAT AGE IT CAN'T REALLY BE HELPED. I THINK THE THING THAT'S MOST ANNOYING--IN A SEA OF MILDLY SIGH-WORTHY NONSENSE, IT MIGHT EVOKE A ROLL OF MY GANDERBULBS--IS HOW HE SEEMS TO THINK THIS IS ACTUALLY ME ANGRY.

I NEVER NEEDED TO SEE SOMEONE JERKING THEMSELVES WITH ONE HAND AND PATTING THEIR BACK WITH THE OTHER, BUT HERE WE ARE.

 

Oh no, I only pu5h people that far if I am aiming to fight them. And 5ince killing you i5 my job and, 5ince I really do hate actually doing my job, I am not going to go that far. 5ame rea5on why I 5hall try to avoid bugging your human friend with my puppet5. He really did re5pond much more poorly than I anticipated, and I do apologize for that. I aim to cau5e di5comfort and 5alt, dear, not p5chylogical damage and mi5ery. It i5 ju5t no fun to do that to tho5e lower than me!

 

WOW, THAT ALMOST SOUNDED LIKE A THREAT! YES, I GET IT, I AM ALLOWED TO SURVIVE PURELY THANKS TO YOUR GRACE AND SUPREME LACK OF WORK ETHIC, TRULY YOU ARE AN UPSTANDING TROLL. I'M TREMBLING LIKE A LEAF IN THE BREEZE.

YOU'RE NOT CAUSING DISCOMFORT OR REAPING ANY SNACK MINERALS, YOU BORING JAR OF GRUBSAUCE. NOT EVEN SPICY GRUBSAUCE, JUST MAYONNAISE AND DISAPPOINTMENT. COULD HAVE BEEN SOMETHING INTERESTING, BUT NO. PUT YOUR CAEGARS WHERE YOUR SQUAWKBLISTER IS AND *ACTUALLY TROLL PEOPLE* INSTEAD OF GOING ON AND ON ABOUT HOW UPSETTING YOU ARE, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP.

 

puppets
awesome
thats really all there is to say on the matter

 

*He dumps a bunch of shiny rocks on the ground.*

'Instructions unclear, bulge caught in roof spinner.'

 

It wa5 not 5o much a threat a5 it wa5 a declaration of my lack of killing intent. We cannot very well tell who would win in a fight without actually fighting, can we not? I find my5elf quite 5keptical that combat ability i5 truly determined by blood ca5te, and do not really care much for 5tatus out5ide it5 being a mean5 to an end.

I do not 5ee my5elf trying to be much more than a mild nui5ance here. Thi5 i5 not really the place where I could very well get away with what I con5ider to be real fun, 5o I 5hall play nicely, a5 long a5 I am here.
-Koezel hands another purple rose to Karkat.-

 

-Koezel looks serious for moment.-
Look, I really do apologize for that. No exaggeration. I did not mean to cause such discomfort with my strife specibus.

-He offers yet another rose to Dave. However, he quickly resumes his usual persona afterwards.-

I 5hall u5e my dartkind 5pecibu5 next time I feel like 5lightly bothering you a little. I have ju5t a5 many way5 to entertain people with it without actually harming them a5 I do my puppet5, though they are not quite a5 eerie.

 

Huh. I'm not reallY sure what to make of that tbh.

 

[karkat looks at the rose like it just grew tentacles and is trying to eat his hand. what does this mean]

YEAH, NO, SEE NORMALLY I'D MAKE AN EFFORT TO PUFF MYSELF UP BECAUSE I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY, YOU ARE A GOD DAMN THREAT, BUT. HERE IN ~SPARKLE MAGIC DREAMLAND~ NONE OF THAT MATTERS, SO I'LL JUST TELL YOU STRAIGHT UP I COULDN'T FIGHT MY WAY OUT OF A WET PAPER BAG. I HAVE SURVIVED SOLELY ON LUCK, PARADOX SPACE'S CRUEL HUMOR, AND THE ACTUAL COMPETENCE OF MY FRIENDS THUS FAR. EACH NIGHT I AWAKEN IN SHOCK

 

its fine man
like im really not digging the casteism but thats karkats place to tear you a new one
or the other trolls whove taken issue with it
not mine so whatever
the puppet thing is nbd im cooler than the arctic circle before global warming melted half of it
maybe even cooler than the vacuum of space

so whats with the rose am i being courted
ooh la la treat me like a proper lady

 

Really now? That i5 di5appointing, in the event that thi5 is actually true and not the product of a cripplingly low 5elf-e5teem talking, of cour5e. A guy can dream, you 5ee! The thought of a mutant beating me in a fight remain5 a highly entertaining thought.

 

TO REFERENCE A SHITTY HUMAN MEME...WHY NOT BOTH? I CAN THINK I'M THE MOST PATHETIC, VILE SCUM TO CRAWL OUT OF THE CAVERNS *AND* BE RIGHT ABOUT IT. I DO ACTUALLY HAVE A MODICUM OF SELF-AWARENESS, I KNOW WHAT I'M LIKE.

 

[Ghazal has mostly decided that clearly it is time to lounge around attractively near Fedina, getting some work with his drop spindle done.]
>@ Sooooo
>@ Clown infestations. Amirite?
>@ Can the cutey with the bar come back please? Present company, our fortune telling pal excluded is terribly dull.

 

I do have a great fondne55 for puppet5! I take my five favorite5 at any given moment into 5trife5 with me. Of cour5e thi5 alway5 include5 Lil Cal.

I am not yet 5ure what my ro5e5 do, or how they do it, but they 5eem to allow the holder to benefit from negativity to an extent, at lea5t until they wilt.

They work differently if I u5e them with dartkind, however.

 

rude
i induct you into the shades club and this is how you repay me
highest betrayal

[dave shudders near-imperceptibly at the mention of lil cal]

lets talk about the roses cause thats weird as hell
does this mean that suddenly im gonna get my strength from karkats trashmouthed invective
its just like in dirks japanese animes but less the power of lurve and more the power of heinous shit talk

 

>@ I'm a fickle creature, lovey.
>@ One day I'm all about them shades, next I hand out blindfolds.
>@ You gotta go with the times, y'know.