shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

-Skydrop wraps his arm around Half Life and bends to nuzzle his helm, murmuring- My fault, ain't yours. -then he straightens and grins at Updraft-
Flyin' it is, then? I ain't flown with nobody for a while either, all my crew's lame ol' grounders. -more friendly noogying of the medic-

 

[He might, perhaps, shift a tiny little bit into the comfort pets. Just a little.] Even the best medic can't fix everything [He resets his vocalizer, clearly there's something going on there that he does pointedly not talk about] Nobody is getting shot here, there don't seem to be any 'Bots around anyways, it's all save.

[Updraft does very gently return the comfort pets, since Half Life does look all upset now, too] You did good, injuries like that just need time to heal.

 

uh
huh
is the brainwashing complimentary or do i have to order the vip package for that whole
experience

 

That doesn´t sound like somethin ou should be treatin with engex my mech.

 

Good sir Strider, i do believe i may qualify in that, given that i seem to lack any significantly gnarly trauma lurking behind me like a shadow. My life has henceforth been quiet, albeit mayhaps a bit lonely and lacking in certain areas that tend to be cited as necessary to human wellness, according to the internet archives i sometimes peruse in my boredom.

..........

Although, upon reflection, being raised in complete isolation from physical human companionship, comforted only by animals and plants and the.... interesting strifes dished out by my dear pal's battlebot, could perhaps count as some sort of trauma.

Gads, Strider, now im more than a pinch morose. This may well have been a can of beans (or is it worms?) i should have left unopened.

 

I would like that, yes [He does, actually, manage a smile. The idea of flying with someone else for a change again is just too good not to brighten his mood at least a little]

 

I know I know, it would be a stupid idea.

 

-Skydrop's grin widens, and he pulls away from Half Life to perform a few bounding, bouncing strides before hurling himself into the air and transforming to something not unlike a Predator drone in shape-

 

[He leans into the affection from both Updraft and Skydrop, still looking unhappy and a bit guilty.] B-but... A better medic could have probably done it cleaner...
[He shuts his mouth to instead watch the other two flying with a soft little smile though. Yes that's much better. They deserve nice fun things.]

 

A-ah... I have no idea what you may be referring to?
[Focal's smile looks a bt uncomfortable now. Pls no. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain, dear customer. Everything is as it should be don't question it...]

 

As someone who's been a medic for a long time... I think you did just fine. [he smiles at Half Life and stands]

[Updraft is slower to transform, but his wooden plating folds away just as neatly as the metal parts do, following after Skydrop in a wide loop. Transport planes are not made for needle turns]

 

ahaha what up grandpa gimme some

[he holds out his fist for a bunp]

imma let you in on a secret come close
every single one of our squad collects traumas like theyre goin out of style dude
aw yeah three years of limited edition existential dread ive been looking for this one
holographic foil too fuck yes
no sense moping about it man take it and make it your bitch
own it
make it your signature style
yeah i gots issues but that doesnt mean im not the illest fucker this side of the planet im fucking unstoppable

there is no war in ba sing se amirite
what i gotta do to get you to take me to lake laogai
put the little worm in my ear and tell me that when i hear the word banana i gotta kill my dad
how do i redeem my sleeper agent ticket

 

[he clumsily returns the bunp]
Ill have you know that whilst i may or may not be a grandfather in some future which may or may not exist, i am quite around your age and not terribly much older, good sir!
And. Oh dear god must you phrase it like that? I do verily appreciate the sentiment but by goodness is it hard to focus on the main point when youre saying things of that caliber, like a trashy pop star from the days of yore, on an M-T-V broadcast! Perhaps you are one of those pop stars, in this timeline or another?
[clears his throat and shakes his head]
Anyways, its not my intention to nitpick your phrasing. Thank you, sir. I will do my best to ... make my unfortunate and melancholic experiences into "my bitches."

 

[There is... a lot more alarm now.]
I-i don't know what you're talking about sir? Do you want me to get your travel agent or the chief hotelier or- There's a form you can fill out for formal complaints-
[It's clear he's half working off a script and that it's one he only barely knows. He's a photographer not a tour guide help]

 

-pats whichever part of him is in cat paw reach-

 

man i aint even started with the nasty talk yet im not even revved up
pop stars got nothing on this dick im a fucking media luminary in every timeline
serfs throwing themselves in front of me in hopes that maybe ill accidentally nudge em with the tip of my monster schlong and rub some talent off on them
i mean man come on you know dirk theres no way he wasnt this ridiculous when yall first met
it runs in the family yo
but yeah anyway just own it i mean you took out almost the entire leprechaun squad on your own youre pretty fucking badass

oh jeez they got your noggin good
no im alright were not even on butler island right now dude can you like
take a vacation
course not reprogramming never sleeps

 

Oh, that sounds neat! I hadn't thought to try, really the only controllable radiation we've got is our sparks and some engine parts, but I bet with the right supplies...

[Wires winces, but it looks like the actual MTOs have explaining well in hand.]

I mean statistically speaking probably but like
Also statistically speaking probably literally none of the transformers

If the actual top-brass JD can hear what goes on here we are all slagged, man, I've been actively mutinous instead of just deserting.

Pleeeease do not do that thing. Um.

No, it doesn't, and mnemosurgeons usually cover their tracks so even if he had been altered he probably wouldn't know and-or couldn't tell you. Stop pokin' the poor kid.

 

I-i'm- I've got an offworld employment positio right now. I rarely take sickdays or vacations, they're um unproductive and I don't feel well just sitting around, but uh Doctor Iridium lets me do her paperwork a-and that's a lot better than getting ignored by Captain-Ambassador Nichrome-...
Apologies, sir.

 

statistically speaking there probably shouldnt be people from like five hundred different universes all chilling together in a lovely melting pot of dude soup so whos to say that statistics matter dick all here
maybe it eats people with tragic backstories

alright im stepping off man no need to tell me twice
i cannot fucking believe you big fucks got an entire job for messing with peoples heads jesus christ

do you have
a hobby or three cause then you can be productive while youre being unproductive fucking life haxx
no need to apologize uhhh wiretaps right i got the poking stick out and was kinda jabbing away
also dont call me sir im just a dude my names dave
dont apologize for that tho its nbd

 

-noofs-