shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Farrat smiles sheepishly. "We've been through second pupation and we're legally adults on Pennarion. But I've already had my name changed twice on me and I like the one I'm using now. And there would be a lot of paperwork to change it. Plus...Dhara and I are working on a paper. I want it to be connected to the rest of my work in the academic databases." He shrugs. "Besides, a lot of the titles people choose would seem ridiculous here. For instance..." He shrugs again. "Sunshine Daydream. Really, mate?"

The truth is...he can't be arsed. There is so much else that needs to be done. Like science. And kissing.

 

A paper, Silima thinks, more than a little sourly. Of course they're doing research together but where? They don't even have a lab! They use maker spaces, but she wonders how long that's going to last after Farrat blows up something big.

She used to help Farrat with stuff. But now he's doing things she doesn't understand. With Dhara.

 

I Said Dont Answer That Are You Deaf Or Just Stupid?
Also I Fucking Know, Its Like A Miracle Was Dragged From The Deepest Recesses Of A Bog And Its So Ugly Not Even Its Lusus Can Love It. Isnt It Beautiful, The Paranoid Trashbag Dweller Has Decided Its Safe To Even Have A Name Again, If That Isnt A Ringing Endorsement. Its A Really Good Name Too, Very Mature And Sophisticated. Unlike Some Fuckers I Know I Have Taste.
And Of Course I Sound Like My Posts What The Fuck Would Be The Point Of A Quirk If I Didnt.

Well For One Sunshine Has A Case Of Bulgerot So Unprecedented It Has Taken Permanent Residence In His Thinkpan Resulting In Such Epic Lapses In Judgement As His Fucking Name. I Am Unsure Why He Didnt Just Bite The Gunpowder Filled Metal Projectile And Call Himself Goth Mc Gotherson But Who The Fuck Am I To Tell Him How To Run His Life.
And Wow. Wow I Am Ashamed To Even Be In The Same Room As You. Have You No Pride In Your Alternian Traditions? I Take It Back, Sunshine Has A Great And Respectable Name On Account Of Having One.
Legal Adults My Ass, Cant Even Manage Choosing A Proper Name.
Shame On You, Shame On Your Quadrants, Shame On Your Moobeast.

 

Spoiler: popcorn gif

 

Possibly. I don't know 'Static'. D-bees is the term for 'dimensional beings' because not all who come through the rifts are aliens from space. Some are supernatural, from myth, or otherwise magic. I've also been told that according to what little contact we have with the outside world 'alien' has become derogatory so our translators made the shift. Apologies. -they try to bow but it's still hard for a war-built dragon 'borg and they're still trying to be small and unintimidating. Which is also hard for a war-built dragon 'borg-

 

[She narrows her eyes]
Do I Look Like Im Playing Hopskip With A Fucking Portal Right Now?

 

MAYBE THIS PLACE JUST LIKES EATING TROLLS, DID YOU THINK OF THAT? NOT EVERYTHING IS SOME FUCKING DIMENSIONAL CONSPIRACY WE HAVE TO GET OUT OUR DETECTIVE HATS FOR AND SOLVE. I DIDN'T JUMP THROUGH AN ASSCRACK IN SPACETIME TO GET HERE, I WENT TO *SLEEP*

 

"No, but you got to Pennarion from Alternia somehow," Farrat points out. "Weirdmageddon, ring a bell? Sunshine knew it was going to happen, but not when. Not that I could have arranged my pupation better even if I'd known. We are in fact dimensional travellers."

 

Silima groans. And people really wonder why she sometimes can't decide if she hates or pities him?

He knew.

Nice of him to tell her. His moirail.

 

In the CS 'alien' is something you'd never call another sapient being unless you're the worst kind of asshole. We don't even call the xiticix aliens, though their sapience is debatable and they're a fucking planet-eating plague. It means 'invader we're not even going to consider the personhood of,' even ones like Quick-Flexers, who look pretty much human until you stare at their face a bit.

-poof! There's a hologram-y image of a Quick-Flex woman who wouldn't look out of place in a western as a sheriff, barely five and a half feet with a stereotypical duster. She's on a bar demonstrating her double-jointedness and reflexes in exchange for drinks. She looks entirely human, other than all of her joints are double-jointed and her face is slightly too long, her nose more a bump with pinprick holes for nostrils but not quite the Full Voldemort-

Hell, even wild psi-stalkers get 'alien' sometimes by the worst bigots, and they're human variants. Even 'mutant' is nicer.

I'm in fucking space and I still use D-bee because I can't bring myself to call anyone an alien. The translator usually gets it but this place is weird. Alien can be a descriptor, but it's taken some effort not to write people off who use it as a noun since I left orbit.

 

What's going on?

 

I... phrased that poorly. I'm used to others coming through rifts, rather than having fallen through one myself. 'Beings beyond the rifts' would have been better. -their wings stretch and settle nervously-

I did not mean to imply conspiracy! I simply found it interesting and wondered if your kind were natural shifters.

...You came here in your sleep? Huh. Do you have to sleep again to return or...?

 

I MEAN YEAH????? TIME'S WEIRD AS SHIT IN HERE, THOUGH. I CAN BE IN HERE FOR AN EON AND WAKE UP AND IT'S ONLY BEEN AN HOUR. MOSTLY I'M JUST FUCKING BAFFLED THAT PEOPLE ARE COMING HERE DELIBERATELY, BUT I GUESS I SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISED THAT YOU ALL HAVE THE SPACE CRAZIES.

I DON'T HAVE A SINGLE IOTA OF AN IDEA WHAT A NATURAL SHIFTER IS.

 

[Two tiny, mostly-kibbleless robots, both about six feet tall and done up in cream and chrome, in stereo:] What's space crazies?

 

A TRAGIC CONDITION THAT NEARLY EVERY SINGLE INHABITANT OF THIS GODAWFUL PLACE HAS CONTRACTED. EVEN IF THEY'VE NEVER BEEN TO SPACE! THE UNIVERSE IS JUST MAGICAL LIKE THAT

 

If by 'came here deliberately' you mean 'got smacked with an entire tree by a monster and fell through a hole in reality' then sure. Space crazies.

Shifters are magic-users who can control rifts. Some species naturally produce have that power, or produce those who can learn it at higher rates. I wondered if you 'trolls' were among them.

 

[The one with yellow eyes:] But what is it?

[The other twin, who has red eyes:] Smacked with a tree? No smacking with trees, it hurts them. Do you know where your hole is?

 

YOU CAN KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE AIR QUOTES, FUCKLUMP. WE'RE TROLLS, OR ARE WE ALL IN THE HABIT OF DOUBTING PEOPLE'S SPECIES NOW? SOME TROLLS HAVE PSIONICS, BUT THAT'S NOT FUCKING ~MAGIC~ AND IT'S NOT A THING WE ALL HAVE. TAKE ME, FOR EXAMPLE. I COULDN'T SHOOT EVEN ONE SPARK OUT OF MY EYES, BUT THANK GOD FOR THAT BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO BE CAPTOR. NOT EVEN *SOLLUX* WANTS TO BE CAPTOR.

WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU WANT, A LIST OF SYMPTOMS?

 

[Laeto (the same robot) nodnods.]

 

Tell that to the oni doing the smacking. My what?

-hulking soldier dragon 'borg makes the mechanized version of the sound of a mouse being squeezed too tight and talks very fast. Also doesn't have the hands for actual air quotes- one arm ends in a badass laser gatling gun and vibro-axe- No I didn't mean to imply that wasn't what you were called! I was just trying the word out. And trying to reconcile it with cultural preconceptions around the word. Unless my translator is having issues again. I did not mean any insult! -they attempt to bow which continues to be difficult for their shape, but they're already super awkward, still crouched down to look Not Intimidating, and somehow manage to bonk their head on the ground comically-

-halp how do talk to d-bees where is the script-