shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

"Okay here's the thing. What's derogatory differs from place to place. Nobody will bat an eye if you call someone an alien on Pennarion. It's a neutral descriptor." Dhara sighs. "Obviously that isn't true where you come from. On the other hand, I heard Dave use the word 'pussy' and I wanted to slap his face off because that's what Federatsi call us."

 

-MIND-CRUSHING STUPIDITY
-THINKING THIS PLACE IS FUN
-THINKING *SPACE* IS FUN
-PROJECTILE VOMIT

DUDE, CHILL THE FUCK OUT. YOU'RE NOT DELIBERATELY TRYING TO SEE WHAT NONSENSE ABOUT YOUR SPECIES I'LL BELIEVE, SO I CAN HANDLE WHATEVER SHIT YOU'RE DOING NOW. THE GROVELING IS FUCKING EMBARRASSING AND I'D RATHER YOU NOT IN MY DIRECTION, IF ONLY SO THAT WHEN YOU INEVITABLY FIND OUT WHAT KIND OF PEASANT YOU JUST BOWED TO YOU DON'T DIE OF SHAME.

JUST CALL US WHAT WE TELL YOU TO CALL US, AND JUST LIKE THAT ALL WILL BE WELL.

 

awhoops
tbf its kind of a naughty word where im from too just not to the like
scale youre implyin so i mostly just use it for vulgar spice but um
sorry
pls dont hit my face its so beautiful would you deprive the world of this gift

 

Ah- cultural differences again I think. For me the bowing is less grovelling and more excessive politeness. Except I forget I'm not shaped for it. Like an idiot

 

WHY ARE YOU BEING EXCESSIVELY POLITE TO ME, WHEN I *LITERALLY* CAME INTO THIS CONVERSATION SHOUTING AT YOU? THAT HARDLY WARRANTS EVEN MINIMAL DECENCY, UNLESS FOR SOME REASON YOU THINK I'M IN A POSITION TO BE RESPECTED. AND WHILE I'M PLAYING INTERRORGATOR, WHY WOULD YOU FORGET YOU'RE NOT SHAPED FOR SOMETHING, YOUR SHAPE IS ONE OF THE FEW THINGS I WOULDN'T EXPECT PEOPLE TO FORGET? I DON'T TRY AND FLAP MY BEAUTIFUL GAUZY WINGS BECAUSE I KNOW I DON'T HAVE THEM.

 

You shout at everyone, that doesn't make you not deserving of basic respect. And unintentional or not I was rude.

And I used to be human. I'm a full-conversion cyborg. I'm mostly used to being a dragon, having body parts I didn't used to and the other shifts... but I've been on the frontlines so re-learning how to bow hasn't been something I could dedicate time to.

 

Dhara laughs. "I didn't hit you, did I? I know you're from somewhere else. If we could all just remember that, now! Besides, you appreciate my kits."

 

OK, FAIR. HOWEVER, CONSIDER THIS REBUTTAL: THERE'S BASIC RESPECT AND THEN THERE'S CRAMMING YOURSELF INTO AN AWKWARD POSITION AND STAYING LIKE THAT OUT OF SOME TWISTED SENSE OF DUTY, YOU RUSTY CAN OF STUPID! YOU YOURSELF DESCRIBED IT AS "EXCESSIVE" WHICH IS, UNLESS I'M COPING WITH CRANIAL TRAUMA I WAS NOT AWARE OF, KIND OF THE OPPOSITE OF "BASIC"

SO, WHAT, THEY'RE JAMMING PEOPLE INTO ROBOT COSTUMES TO MAKE SOLDIERS WHERE YOU'RE FROM? SOUNDS ETHICAL.

 

preempting the possibility of an attack on my face sometime in the future
when i least expect it
getting my snack on lean down into the fridge to grab a drink and then whammo there goes my glorious visage
cant hurt to be thinkin ahead yo

and yeah course i appreciate the kits theyre adorable as all get out

 

The excessive part is because I've never really been good at dealing with people I don't know, and since you're made of shouting it's hard to tell if you're actually hurt by something I said or just disagreeing very loudly. I'd rather be too polite than be callous.

We- -nervous wings! And then they droop. Sad dragon- I volunteered. We're all volunteers. The oni need to be fought, and I like this body much better than my old one. The corp-states might be up to shady shit, who knows. Some of them make dragon 'borgs, and they don't join the fight unless they're directly threatened. Their ethics are... different. But I chose this. I can help people like this. I'm big and scary and made for war but I can keep people safe.

 

AUGH
YOU COULD....................ASK????? FOR THE RECORD, I'M DISAGREEING AT MY BASELINE VOLUME BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I DO. I LIKE "ACCIDENTALLY CALLOUS" WAY BETTER THAN TOO POLITE. POLITENESS IS FOR POLITICS AND YOU'RE MAKING ME WONDER WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT. FULL DISCLOSURE.

I--URG. OK, I GUESS I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT. FUCK KNOWS WHAT I'D DO IF I COULD FLIP A SWITCH AND ACTUALLY BE USEFUL FOR ONCE IN MY VILE EMBARRASSMENT OF A LIFE. PROBABLY A LOT OF MEDICALLY-DUBIOUS SHIT, LET'S BE REAL
WHAT'RE THE ONI?

 

I'll endeavor to be more of an asshole to you.

I also kind of just wanted to be a dragon. Dragons are cool. But if I can keep my people safe while being a dragon that's even better! -proud wingstretch-
Oni are monsters from the rifts. They took over much of the islands- what we now call the Zone- while our city was... disconnected from time and space. When we returned we were almost immediately attacked, so we joined the Empire in fighting them. They don't seem to want anything but to destroy- they're just as likely to turn on each other as fight us. They burn the fields they raid, they destroy the buildings, they only sometimes eat the fallen and they don't care if it's ours or theirs. And they seem to enjoy fighting. A [spider goblin] will go from being bullied into it by a bigger oni to absolutely gleeful as it attacks.

Peace seems... unlikely. Both sides will likely fight to the last.

 

GOD, YOU SOUND LIKE PYROPE. AND THOSE SOUND AWFUL. DO THEY EAT METAL OR IS THAT PART OF WHY YOU GUYS WENT ALL CYBORG, SO THERE'S LESS FUEL FOR THEM TO RUN ON? BESIDES BEING MADE OF GUNS, I GUESS. THAT'S THE PRIMARY REASON WHY WOULD YOU NEED ANOTHER, FUCKING SHIT ON A STICK, IGNORE ME.

WILL THEY EVER RUN OUT OR ARE YOU GUYS STUCK ON A DOMESTIC NUTBEAST WHEEL, RUNNING NOWHERE FOR ETERNITY

 

-they laugh a little- Mostly being made of guns, yes. We're pre-cataclysm tech though, preserved by the fact that our city skipped out of time for a minute just as everything went to shit. We just happen to be deployed against the oni because we're effective, and who doesn't want to be a fucking dragon if you're gonna go out and stomp oni? Other than a glitterboy, but railguns are cheating.

Actually there aren't that many of us. We make up an elite force that teams up with glitterboys to provide heavy support for standard, squishy troops. We're not exactly rare, but we definitely don't make up the bulk of the force. That's mostly ordinary humans who might have smaller cybernetic enhancements but aren't completely rebuilt like us. And some standard full-conversion 'borgs, still human-sized and shaped just metal and also made of guns.

There's more of them than there are of us, and they might still be importing soldiers through the rifts. "Running nowhere" seems to be the prognosis, but we're not going to give up and die. The Empire survived the cataclysm and their arrival. They've been waging war for generations without the technology we have. And we survived the bomb. Maybe superior firepower will win the day now that we've entered the fray. Maybe they'll decide we're too much trouble and leave in search of easier prey. Maybe we're doomed, but we'll make them pay for every inch.

 

WHAT IN THE ABSOLUTE BARFGUZZLING *FUCK* IS A GLITTERBOY. DO I WANT TO KNOW.

AND I ABSOLUTELY DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD GIVE UP, FUCK THAT! I JUST WANTED TO SCOPE OUT EXACTLY WHAT WAS GOING ON. I MEAN, WHEN THE EMPRESS TRIED TO TAKE OVER THE HUMAN'S PLANET, ALT-ANCESTOR DAVE AND ROSE DIDN'T GIVE UP AND WERE PRETTY BADASS BESIDES. I'M A COMPLETE FAILURE BUT I WANT TO BE THERE ON THE FRONT LINES ANYWAY. YOU *CAN'T* GIVE UP, BECAUSE MAYBE IF YOU HADN'T BEEN A QUITTING PIECE OF SHIT THEN THINGS WOULD'VE ENDED DIFFERENTLY. DOING IT ANYWAY WHEN THERE'S ABOUT A ZILLION OF THEM UP AGAINST YOU IS ADMIRABLE.

 

alt me was pretty fucking badass from what ive heard
i mean even with the photo filter of hero worship liberally applied to his image i still have a hard time doubtin how sick he was
i mean hes a strider and more specifically a dave
all mes are universally excellent

 

[Lonan] I will fight you, hatchling. -for a second he ALMOST looks like a traditional serpentine dragon, but then he's an ordinary human douche in a funny-looking flight suit. He's leaning against a chrome-plated mech slightly taller than @Like a Wave if they were at full height. It has a fuckhuge gun attached to the back: the fabled BOOM GUN. He pats the mech fondly- This is a glitter boy, a feat of engineering that survived the cataclysm on account of being 100% pure badass. Who needs a tank when you have a laser-proof giant mecha with a railgun shotgun? Not. Fuckin'. Me.

 

Your pylon's out.

...Thank you. Sometimes I feel the need to convince myself, after being in the Zone for so long.

 

[Lonan] -amiably, though his eyes narrow- The fuck it is.

 

-takes a step forward- Look, right here, the foot shouldn't...