shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

The Cheetonator Is So Fucking Bad Holy Shit. Fine, You Can Have That One. If You Leave Me Alone And Also Pay Me Two Hundred Caegars.

 

[he hands over the money bags]

hell yes thats what i call a good transaction

 

[the cup vanishes. eep]

alright, s'cool, s'cool, i'm not going to force my special blend on anyone
between you and me, it's fucking nasty anyway. tastes like a dude pissed in some compost and boiled whatever came out, which isn't an experience i'd recommend
calms his heaving mermaid tits, though. or at least he focuses so hard on not immediately regurgitating it that he forgets to tantrum, which is pretty much the same thing?

 

I AM ALSO ON A DIET. IF I GORGE MYSELF NOW I WON'T BE ABLE TO FIT INTO THIS LATER.
[he gestures to the wetsuit with one hand and takes the tea with the other. oh, god. the ass tea. no, anything but the ass tea.]
SHOCKINGLY, THERE'S NOT A LOT OF GIVE. WHO WOULD'VE GUESSED?

 

[Sweet imaginary money. She clutches the bags to her chest, nodding]

Show Me Where I Asked For The Details Of Your Perverted 24/7 Exhibitionism Lifestyle.

 

Oh Dont. Diets Are Overrated. Treat Yoself.

 

if that rustles your jimmies you are in for an earthquake, dude

 

My "Jimmies" Are Utterly Unrustled, Im Simply Questioning Your Sanity, Given You Are Painting A Giant Target On Your Weakspots In Front Of A Potential Hostile, You Know.

 

nah, man, none of this shit is real. i don't have a single fucking clue where we are, but this sure as shit isn't the material world. plus, charming as i may be, i'm still a squishy, feelings-having hairless monkey

i'm just so in love my heart's going to grow three sizes and burst out of my chest like a goddamn xenomorph, how do you expect my weak mammalian body to hold it all in without the cultural trappings of murderplanet fuckball to guide me from tender infancy all the way to adulthood?

 

Im Going To Reach Right To The Outher Side Of This Hellscape Dimension By Shoving A Fist Down Your Throat SO I Can Strangle Your Mortal Hsuk Through It.

 

[he snickers and leans back, one eyebrow raised]

go for it, yo. kinda been wondering what happens if i piss someone off enough that they straight up fucking murder me
is it just? do i deserve it for being such a hatetrollop? we just don't know

 

-There's a hole in the rave. It's cat-shaped and seems to lead to... space? Touching it just makes your appendage tingly and makes the cat purr though, so who knows-

 

[PETPETPET]

 

-its purr is really more of a 'low rumble' and that attempt at a meow was... well. Not. But we'll call it that for the sanity of everyone involved-

-Voidcat approves of pettings, and attempts to scale Dave. He'd make a good perch.-

 

[his sense of self-preservation around otherworldly beings is approximately zero, so he holds still while the voidcat gets settled and reaches up to provide more pettins]

aw yeah, space cat, look at this hellacious meowbeast. or don't, maybe your eyes will melt, who knows

 

-Voidcat sits on his shoulder and looks smug as something without a mouth can-

 

what the fuck is up everybody!!
[he slides in out of nowhere, sporting a very large, ugly pair of glasses that you could probably buy at a dollar store]

Spoiler: img

 

nm watching my doppleganger make an ass out of himself
how bout you
[ah, a challenger! dave is wearing these shades now]

 

holy shit those are so fucking cool where the hell do i get a pair
sign me the fuck up
i am buying whatever youre selling please tell me more

goddamnit dave 3.0 dont make me choose between two of the sickest pairs of shades ive ever seen