shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Mm? Yes, sorry, words are hard sometimes. Whipped cream is... well. Whipped cream! Milk has... oh, I've forgotten the name... a kind of molecule that can arrange itself into colloids if you introduce air properly, it holds its shape around the air so it's fluffier! [Food talk and pettins are doing much to soothe birb.]

 

yeah well we should have.

 

[Ignis winks and performs a nonpatented snap-to-fingerguns maneuver.] Gotta roll with what your spark tells you, right?

 

[even if there's no risk of getting whacked, this (and the other movement) does karkat a frighten]

HEY, WATCH IT!

 

!!!!! Sorry sorry sorry!!!! [He manages to catch himself before pinning his wings back, at least. Goodbye relaxation birb, tho.]

 

[Whelp there goes the relaxation. Ups checks down on the small organics.] Are you alright? [It's kind of a shame that Whispers has to keep his wings still for them but he's not sure how to fix that if they're staying there. Unless they shuffle behind him instead, his wings are too high up to hit them and he's used to keeping them still for organics to perch on]

 

IT'S FINE, YOU'RE JUST FUCKING ENORMOUS AND COULD SEND US CAREENING INTO THE STRATOSPHERE WITHOUT TRYING AT ALL. OR I GUESS JUST ME, SINCE I CAN'T FLY

OH, YES, WE'RE FINE. JUST HARASSING YOUR FRIEND FOR SHIGGLES, SEE! PERSONALLY, I FIND PUTTING MYSELF IN A POSITION WHERE MY FOOL ASS COULD GET SQUISHED REALLY FUN, AS LONG AS I CAN BLAME SOMEONE ELSE

WHY DO YOU ASK

 

"On this, I am pleased to find us in vehement agreement. If you do have any personal anecdotal advice on the topic, I'd be welcome to hear it. It's been about a month since the Weirdmageddon event and if one grub's been found on Pennarion, there are probably going to be more turning up, in and around households that are far less equipped to deal with them. It'd be nice to have information available for the social welfare offices and charitable foundations, including my own, that are involved in taking care of all the refugees. I just saw a televised PSA today regarding not disturbing cocoons should you find one larger than the size of our largest native Insecta, so I'm making inquiries about that."

 

I was more concerned for any actual injuries having taken place, but alright. [What is it with the little grey people that makes them all so damn irritable? He's met turbofoxes less fighty than that. Hell, he's met acid spitting centipedes less fighty than this. Even so, he keeps his wings perfectly still and refrains from shuffling Whisper out of the way]

 

I know, I know!! I'm sorry!! I'm sure your conjunx would catch you!!

[Is Ups' hand still on his shoulder? Whisper reaches up to pat at it-- or, well, two of his fingers, the whole hand is about the size of Whisper's torso. Shhh. They'll all be fine. It's the rave, right? Nothing too bad can happen here.]

 

UH, NO? I'D BE YELLING A LOT MORE IF I WAS ACTUALLY HURT, YOU CAN REST ASSURED OF THAT

WELL--MY WHAT?

 

"Dave," says Dipper. "He means Dave."

 

[dave is watching all of this, and notices the stillness better than karkat, who's got the tunnel vision of panicked tantrums going on]

hey yo big guy
bigger guy?
you mind if we come chill over there
i mean we could probably just put on magical blinders since were in the land of dreams and sparklefarts right now but neither of us is great at the whole
stop staring at the thing you idiots clearly its upsetting
no i say to my common sense i will stare at the thing until i do a quadruple kickflip off the handle
anyway seems like it might be better if we get out of this dudes hair
or not hair but you know

 

Valiska looks sidewise at Karkat. "Do I look like I'm Earthish?" She snorts. It's very much a kitty snort. "I know Jade's family comes from Earth originally, but she had a transportaliser accident with a dog. I'm not a dog. I meant that none of the trolls in our family had got sick since they came to Pennarion. I'm pretty sure that Loreli did not get lusus-fluke here."

 

Your... romantic partner? Dave. I thought you two were together?

 

[Yep, still there and not letting go any time soon. Sure it's dreamspace things but that doesn't stop his processor from worrying about it. What if the magic fails at a crucial moment and something goes wrong? But Whispers seemed to be ok, aside from using a lot of exclamation marks.]

I only understood about half of that, but no I don't mind at all? [Seems sensible to him] I am somewhat familiar with watching crashes, at least. [Battlefields are a bit like that, upsetting but you can't look away because if you do you might miss a chance to pull someone out and help.]

 

[dave fingerguns before tugging gently on karkat's arm and moving over to ups]

thats my special charm
how many metaphor levels are you on
youre like a little baby watch this
need a fuckin rosetta stone to comprehend this shit
bitches be translating it into every language they know and its still fuckin gobbledygook any way you slice it
anyway cool thanks lmk if we start harshing your mellow or whatever well find like
some other dude to lurk behind like a really really tiny shadow
its not like yallre exactly in short supply

 

[He settles his wings in neutral and still, a little sound suggesting that they might be almost locked into position now, certainly enough to keep random flutters at bay. He also summons what's probably a dictionary of humans, compiled by some wellmeaning - and obviously Primus sent - cybertronian who'd be stationed there, in the hopes of penetrating that amount of slang.]
I am fine, staying still for organics is quite normal for me. At least neither you or your conjux [Totally taking the cue from Whisper there, thanks Whisper] are actually climbing around on top of me.

 

OH! OH, OK, THAT MAKES A LOT MORE SENSE THAN WHAT I WAS THINKING, WHICH WAS A BIG WALL OF INQUIRY NOODLES AND CONFUSION BASED ON WORDS THAT SOUND SIMILAR

WELL, YOUR HUSBAND LOOKS HUMAN ENOUGH, AND YOU GUYS KEPT MENTIONING SOME TOWN IN ORGAN, WHICH UNLESS I'M MISTAKEN *IS* AN EARTH PLACE, SO EXCUSE ME FOR MAKING SOME ASSUMPTIONS!

YES YOUR READING OF THAT SITUATION WAS CORRECT LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE BEFORE I STAB MYSELF IN THE GANDERBULB

SEE, I'M NOT EXACTLY FAMILIAR WITH YOUR ROMANCES AND THE TERMS THAT GO ALONG WITH IT (ALTHOUGH I WOULDN'T BE *OPPOSED* TO HEARING MORE), SO I WAS THINKING SOMETHING MORE ALONG THE LINES OF, SAY, GRUBS THAT DIDN'T DEVELOP PROPERLY IN THE EGG AND COME OUT STUCK TOGETHER

 

"He is a human," Valiska says, "but we don't live in Oregon. Our altselves do, but in their universe. We live on Pennarion. The Cereuti, the Talassani--my people--and the Daelzu and all of their colonies are between us and Earth. Unless you find the right jump points, we're a year out from Earth using transwarp tech. And he's never even been to that Earth. I am a feline. Please dear gods don't tell me that it doesn't show?"