shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

No way man, I know something of how it was done and Ray pointedly said you were the hard-ass that went in and hacked into the satellite connection. You, Ray, and Chicaco DedSec, without you which would have failed worse than they do on a daily basis already, managed to crack the code on CTos 1.0

That's badass as hell!!! Sure, shit was hard at first but unlike Chicaco DedSec, we're not a bunch of wimps that pack it up the moment shit gets hard. We figured out a way into 2.0, and if we hadn't had that opportunity then they might have kept shit more tight lipped than they did in Chicaco. You're a boss! The fact that you haven't quit is also fucking amazing, you're a hero.

 

Really? Why? The books were ok but do you really need to copy them over and over?

Hey, nobody asked me when they invented it.

-dryly- You don´t say.

 

[He tugs his cap lower, hiding his eyes for a couple seconds. Well! This was not what he was expecting. Maybe nightmares would be better.]

Uh, yeah, I guess I helped him out a bit. Without DedSec's backdoor and T-Bone's help, I wouldn't have been able to do any of it. And it really, really wasn't for the reasons you think it was for. I'm glad it helped you too, but that was paid back when you helped me out with the Bratva, so... even?

 

I JUST SAID I DON'T MAKE THE RULES!
>_<
#_#

I'm thinking that MASCULINE MECHA MISSILE or SALACIOUS STEEL SHAFT or TURGULENT TUNGSTEN... something that begins with 't'. C'mon, there's GOTTA be something better than 'spike', right?
._.

You'd be surprised by how many people don't realize!
^_^
^_~

 

I mean... Sure I guess? I don't feel like-- You know, you're a lot less intimidating than I've been lead to believe. Uh, don't take that the wrong way or anything... It's just, like you're this badass figurehead in hacker lore and like I know there has to be a person behind it but... Not what I was expecting... It's actually kinda nice, sorry if I was being awkward or anything?

Shit, I was expecting super intimidating Fixer aura like that Jordi guy has.

 

Well, I'm not trying to be intimidating. I like to think I can be intimidating, but I usually try to save that because I'm... not Jordi. You know Jordi? When the hell did you meet him?

Damn, he gets around.

 

Valiska looks up from her book. "That is so not okay."

She goes back to reading, and sighs as she adds that to the list in her PAN of things Tainell should ban immediately before anyone gets the idea. That sounds like some grade-A Cereuti Conglomerate bullshit with extra stink there.

She is liking this Megatron person kind of a lot.

 

"...wait, what?" Valiska looks up. "But Megatron is awesome."

 

"I want to know what sex pollen is."

 

It's super not okay! It's the ultimate NOT OKAY!!
>_<

Which is why we gotta BLOW IT ALL THE FUCK UP!!!
!_!

Well of course YOU would.
^_~

Basic premise is WHOOPS we've landed on an ALIEN PLANET with ALIEN PLANTS which smell so good and suddenly we have to have all our clothes off? It's time to BANG ON EVERY AVAILABLE SURFACE, take no prisoners, the plants demand it.
o_o
._.

Usually coincides with stuff like heat fic or pon farr or whatever that new thing with the werewolves is, but personally I like the ALIEN PLANET variation better. It just makes more sense!
^_^

 

Yeah uh, the Bratva right? They had some malware set up on some local hospitals locking down all the records, hospitals don't have a lot of extra money usually to dump on things and they wanted some major cash for these records freed. So we thought, hey fuck these assholes we'll unlock the hospitals so they can save lives and shit! Right, well, I usually do a lot of the running around (which was the only reason I ran into you) and I was tracking a phone to find out where the servers were.

Car I'm looking for? Stopped in an alley, door open, phone laying on the seat. I think, sweet! Dude's away doing something I'll just snatch this and be on my damn way! I was very wrong. Some fucker in a white suit shows up while I'm cracking the phone and demands it, my god what is with that man and demanding things. We scuffle a little, most of which results in him owning my ass and me cracking the screen of the phone on accident to try and distract him. Then I tried to taze him in the ass. Sad news: Didn't work. Apparently I fucked up his wallet or something though.

He got pissed, threatened me more, I told him the wrong place to go he runs over one of the guys a couple times for good measure or something and then I head back. He fucking follows me and threatens to kill everyone in the games shop, after intimidating them about dungeons and dragons??? And I tell him the real location but only if he lets me go. I get him into the servers, get him the name he wants, while he snipes and never shuts up. Then has the fucking GALL to tell me I'm being slow because he's shooting my drones that I was using to remote access things.

Anyway, long and short of it is that the dude Jordi was after was the same dude that I needed to hack the information out of. Dude's on a boat, we get on the boat and just as I'm getting my info streamed out I get to see him kill a man with his bare hands then pointedly look at the camera and shoot it as if he were shooting me.

Then he tried to tell me I had to turn myself in to the cops for him. Fucker.

 

Also sometimes he fucking texts me in the middle of the night and it's really annoying.

 

Yeah, that sounds like Jordi. Surprised he let you walk away from the first car though, usually he would have killed you outright and then staged the bodies so it looked like the two of you offed each other. Not that I'm complaining, I'm glad you're alive, it's just... surprising.

I wonder if he feels alright.

You too?

 

Nobody appreciates the things I do for them.

 

What you´re looking for is bad porn dear. I´m sure someone can hook you up with that.

Never overestimate the amount of idiocy in the world.

-he stiffens, but his tone is light and humorous.- Wait until you´ve actually met him before you make that judgement. Anyone can sound great on paper, even me.

-grins- Sorry, you´re four million years late, we already did that.

 

I had information he couldn't get otherwise.

Yeah and--

Sending me a selfie of you with a pile of bodies is not a thing that I wanted... Especially not when I was waking up from the worlds worst hangover.

 

Nah, I'm filled up. Perfectly good at finding that on my own!
^_^

And Josh REALLY hates it when I read the worst ones out loud.
>_>
^_^

 

What, should I have sent you a chatsnap instead? That's what you kids are into these days, right?

 

Calling me at two in the morning because you just threw someone off the 42nd floor and you thought of a great Hitchhiker's Guide joke isn't how you make friends, Jordi.

Yeah, that's Jordi. [He sounds utterly resigned to the situation.]

 

-snortlaughs, and his wings relax a little-