shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

[Venture snickers, evidently recovered from his fright.] Nah. I might be obnoxious but I don't have the attention span to be a stalker. Triage just doesn't like fragging his patients apparently.

 

"Isn't that more or less the exact opposite of the original Decepticon philosophy, where how you were made and the form you took was not supposed to dictate your life?" Valiska has finished the book and is very confused now.

 

[Triage is possibly the happiest he's ever been, which is evident based on the way that he is carefully keeping his gummy drink full with Rave Magic and petting Sawbones. It turns out that there is engex he likes.]

 

Yyyyyeeeeaaaahhhh, naaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh.

I mean sure it's techn'cly against the whole Functionist philosophy, but turns out that Megatron's a slagger too, so we went from 'you're a drill you gotta be a drill' into 'you're an MTO, you gotta go die for us 'kay?'. Not that the Autobots is any better-- they got MTOs out the wazoo, fragging mnemosurgeons and mode locks too. S'all bullshit.

You know what they used to call MTOs? Five minute mechs. 'Cuz that's about how long they lasted once you thawed 'em out, sib and I know that one real good.

 

Yes. Though from what I know, both sides of the war did this, and the Senate sure as pits started long before the war. I would know. [He is, potentially, getting worked up again over this and tries to get away from that by focusing on vent cycling and trying to consciously keep them even. This is ok he can talk about this without freaking out, one minor meltdown per day is more than enough]

 

When one's projected lifespan is measured in minutes rather than millennia, functionism is the least of one's concerns.

 

[Venture awkwardly pets at Ups's shin. Shhhh, buddy, the war was awful, but it's over.]

 

Lissa's jaw drops, and her hair and stance expand even further. She's not sure what that means, but it sounds like...it sounds like taking someone's kits from her before they have even been born. An atrocity. And not a thing to be even imagined, but she can, she has lost so many kits, but at least they weren't stolen. How much more awful might that be?

She is incredibly triggered and even more furious. It's ridiculous for her to puff herself up, like someone her size could ever protect someone Updraft's size, but it's all she wants to do, and she wants Ford to hold her but he's looking at her like he's just a little afraid and that's wise of him, because if someone brushed her spine the wrong way right now she might bite first and apologise later.

 

Some lunkhead tried to tell me once that only forged mechs could be outliers, and we lowly coldcons were fragging liars and thieves, the lot of us.

Jokes on him! I shot 'im through fifty layers of concrete.

 

[Afterglow laughs.] Revenge is terribly sweet, isn't it?

 

*Comes back in, hears 'Cassette', freezes. Still has the ball, in his mouth.*

 

Everyone says the best revenge is living well but I figure the best revenge is living well while the other fragger's dead so he can't do it too. Otherwise it's just a draw, innit?

 

*winces* What the fuck. I didn't mean it that way. I mean, yeah, I was referring to you, him and Wrench, but... I couldn't recall your species' name off the top of my head, and you're a cat and a woman but if I called it catwoman threeways, it'd have sounded like a crossover with Batman and well... a crossover with Batman was not what I was going for, so... catgirl threeways. That and... you can't expect me to remember every single person here off the top of my fucking head and I'm not sure if I know you. Do I know you? Part of my brain's telling me "yeah, I do" and the other part's saying "fuck yeah, I don't," and I am just really fucking confused now...

*church gives up and slumps down, defeated*

*he knows she has a point and knows she's hella mad*

*and he knows that, were she tex, his ex-girlfriend, he'd be getting the most epic beatdown of all time right now*

*but luckily, she does seem to have some restraint*

*he isn't sure it'll last long, though*

*much more deferentially than before* ... sorry. That's what I meant to say. Sorry.

 

YEA THEN I EAT'EM *flops on*

 

Yeah, and then he eats 'em.

 

-is a shoulder cat! she summons a cube of engex of her own to hold in her paws and lap-

 

[He leans into it a bit, finding some calm in the contact. It's easier keeping a grip on the fear and the anger that way, but the sadness stays]

That is nonsense. Outlier sparks produce outlier splits. Outlier carriers are just rare.

 

I'll take your word for it buddy, I just woke up like this. Handy though. Imagine if I was a fragging... a fragging car. Imagine if I was a car. What's a car need to see every spark signature in a 500 mile radius for?

 

Valiska nods hastily. People are already upset. Having a foreign organic get righteously angry on their behalf will just upset them more. It's not her pain they're talking about. She has got nothing to cry or yell about, she didn't live through this herself. "I just don't think that's an excuse to shorten someone's projected lifespan. But I have issues with death, and bigger issues with refusing people treatment because they can't pay or they're not important. And my life isn't measured in minutes. But it's certainly not measured in millennia...not yet." She sighs. "I was one of the people on the Imperator's council who helped write up the laws about universal healthcare. Watching Ford eat noodles for a month so I could have meat, because I wouldn't heal on kibble-loaf and pizza, and knowing he had to beat up the goons who came after my mother because she missed a payment on a debt, all because I had to have a broken ankle properly reset, because Ford had to carry me home from the planet it happened on...and being grateful that we were not yet so broke that one of us had to indenture themselves..."

She sighs. "That's why I want to slap you sometimes," she tells the other Ford. "You act like we were always aristocrats. We became aristocrats because we had to."

 

"He could have taken you somewhere else," Ford says quietly, watching Lissa, waiting for her to settle enough that she can be touched.