shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

-Purrs back-

 

[Not thinking about his own death is becoming a habit.]

Yeah, dead things don't normally hold very good conversations. But you've got a point - at least when we're in here, it doesn't really matter. Though I'm not planning on staying here forever, of course. I've got plans. Companies to re-take over, people to kill, worlds to rebuild - the usual.

 

anyway since no one will give me the straight line i want i gotta make my own excuses to tell you guys that my mom was
a) crazy horrible
or
b) nonexistent
depending on your perspective

a glowstick might have been an improvement?

 

"Dude, are you triggered or do you just have a crush on this guy?"

Mason scratches his head. "From over here, it looks like either something about this is reminding you of a particularly bad incident from middle school involving either football players or cheerleaders, or you are thinking with the wrong head."

He sighs. "All we know about the 'bandits' is that they are a very large group of people who may include the better part of the planetary population. We know he has a legitimate personal grudge against ONE of them and that he expects us to believe that they are all criminals because...why? What exactly have they done? What do they even have in common except that they oppose a guy who talks about killing people like other people talk about going dancing?"

Mason shrugs. "I am trying so hard not to break Godwin's law here, and I'm gonna fail, because about 80 years ago, some asshole started saying things like this and half my great grandmother's family got murdered."

 

I can't get a clear answer on if being a rave kid is a race or a disability. Is it a gender? Is raving a fucking gender? I wouldn't put it past the kids theses days.

So... no, then. Pretty hard to backstab someone if you can't stab them. And if you waste the one person you can backstab, you're bored for the rest of your days. Pass.

[He takes the toy and then finally bestows upon the cat The Pettings.]

 

"I was talking to the other guy." Alex facepalms.

 

*Loud purring. Such loud purring. Butts head against, now he is open mouth purring. He is so soft, so very soft, kitten soft one might even say. Soft like angel wings and silk.*

 

Sweetheart, are you jealous? Don't worry, there's enough Handsome Jack to go around.

[Jack bats his eyelashes dramatically.]

Well, once I get my body back, it won't be hard.

[He pointedly does not mention how, if he killed Rhys he'd probably die too. Nobody needs to know that. Can't have somebody gunning for the kid to get at him.]

 

no i meant how was HE racist

like i'm not gonna get offended on behalf of my mother race of glowstick people, i am one hundred percent genetically human (plus metal bits)

 

*softly* Yeah, but... you saw my utter failure of a portal attempt, right? And heard what that robot said?

You might not be able to get out.

*blushes*

*godfuckingdammit*

*cupcake*

*sweetheart*

*so seductive*

*so sweet*

*time to sink into the floor*

*time to metaphorically die*

*time to regret every single life choice that lead him up to this point*

*blush intensifies*

*fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck*

 

Alex sighs. "I was replying to his stupid argument with a slightly less stupid argument because reasons. Look, I'm on your side. Just go with it. Work with me, here."

 

...

your mom is a slightly less stupid argument

 

[Jack makes a face. Like hell he's not getting out.]

We'll see about that.

[Jack grins and floats over to Church, draping himself over his shoulders - hovering just high enough to not actually, ya'lnow, phase through him.]

Lookin' a little red there, cupcake.

 

*still blushing* ... yeah. Yeah. I guess I am. I guess I am. It's funny. Funny 'cause I'm Blue Team and I'm looking red. A Blue but I'm looking red. A red Blue. Heh.

*church knew how inane that shit was as soon as it came out of his mouth but he just couldn't stop himself from saying it anyway*

 

[He snorts, then downs his drink.]

Yeah, good luck with that. Like I said, ruling's a loser's game. Nowhere to go but down.

You're like... twelve, right? You look twelve. Is raving a gender.

 

Aww, it's cute, you're so embarrassed you can't get your words out correctly. That's okay, sweetheart, I have that affect on people.

 

*blushes*

*cute*

*jack called him cute*

*and sweetheart*

*that's like a ton more endearments than he ever got from tex in a week*

*and all he had to do was have a nice long chat, argue with people a bit, blush prettily and fumble his words*

*awesome*

*smiles softly* Yeah. Yeah. You sure do.

 

[Because right now is the best time to come in, of course. It'll totally help out with Church's whole situation.]

Hi guys.

[His voice is quiet and timid - nothing like Jack, who he looks exactly like. Or, a younger, non-scarred version of Jack.]

 

[karkat smiles. it's, hmm...it's probably supposed to be a sugar-sweet smile, but with his snaggletooth mouth it's uh. somethin' else. he holds out his hand and gives jordy a plastic, glittery turd]

WHAT?? WHY THE FUCK WOULD I CARE *WHO* THE PEEPING TOM IS, DAVE, I--

[karkat glances around and "lowers" his voice]

IF YOU WANT A KISS, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK

[someone else is being embarrassing wrt their love life! karkat can sympathize, and he's going to handle this with all his diplomatic finesse]

PFFFTHAAA, YOU COULDN'T BE MORE TRANSPARENT IF YOU WERE MADE OF GLASS

 

*blinks in confusion*

*what the fuck*

*church wonders if his mind had done the tex thing again, just faster 'cause of this place's whole... thing*

*but no, that doesn't feel like it*

... what the fuck?

*blushes*

... yeah, yeah, I guess I am being rather fucking obvious. With how red I'm turning. Well, at least it's cute. At least Jack thinks it's cute.