shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Hyu deed!

Ho, hyu sharink?

 

But if this was a serious fight, I'd have already been dead by then.

 

-she has been in the lab so long. the girl had to be scolded for dropping a cup of tea in it for no other reason than "I just felt like it. Ok." which isn't a good reason for anything. especially not in a lab. that shouldn't have tea in it honestly. the sound of full metal alchemist brotherhood's mid episode breaks can be heard from her husktop. that soulless Fullmetal Alchemist. she smells pizza. pizza would be great. but for now she must work and ignore the talking going on screen. what talking even is it right now. she probably has the thing memorized at this point but she is ignoring it right now because The Circle Isn't Quite Right And She Isn't Sure Why-

 

Well if I ate the whole thing I might explode. -it is a very large pizza-

 

-wrinkles nose and glares at the paper. we didn't eat. why didn't we eat. fuck my life but the circle it must be fixed-

I smell f--d.

 

-grins, steals a slice or three, noms- Iz goot! Ve should haf pizzas!

Komm eet sumtink, ve ken mek more.

 

-Clover snags a slice from Mina.-

I could make a better pizza.

 

Are y-u abs-lutely certain, I d-n't wish t- imp-se. Th-ugh I supp-se refusing h-spitality that is -ffered is a f-rm -f imp-sing.

Hrmm.

 

I made it for everyone.

 

WHAT THE SHIT IS UP, MEGIDO RECOLOR?

CLEARLY I'VE GONE SHITHIVE MAGGOTS AND MY PAN HAS FLED THE SCENE, LEAVING ME TO CONTEMPLATE THE CONCEPT OF NOT JUST ANCESTORS, BUT ANCESTORS THAT FREAKY FRIDAY'D THEIR POSITIONS ON THE HEMOSPECTRUM.

I SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED THIS HERE, BUT ALAS. I CONTINUE TO BE STUPIDLY ASTOUNDED.

 

Ho? Hyu ken cook goot den?

Komm eat sumtink, schtop fussink. -fusses-

 

-She looks offended.-

 

Hoy, haf mercy on a jägerkin vot iz often told she haf no taste votsoeffer!

 

Hyu dun't.

 

This time.

 

Yes, it w-uld be an imp-siti-n in that case. Culture aside it's been -ffered. In that case.

Thank y-u, f-r the -ffer.

-stands up and leaves her work. she stops and hrmms about why there is something bugging her. right the video is still playing. she walks back over and silences the damn thing. as in just mutes it. fma is still playing on troll netflix or whatever the fuck though. that done she walks and takes a piece of pizza and takes a bit. it is greasy and cheesy. which is good and comforting if not what she normally eats-

I am w-rking, apparent miniature -f -ur Emper-r. -r, rather, n-w I am eating, I supp-se. Hrmm. Yes. There is still much w-rk that needs t- be d-ne, either way.

Much w-rk and I am n-t entirely sure what y-u're g-ing -n ab-ut. Y-u seem t- be a bit distressed th-ugh. P-ssibly f-r reas-ns similar t- my -wn surprise at y-ur resembling -f His Imperial C-mradeship. The m-st sensible explanati-n being that y-u're his descendant, h-wever, given the af-rementi-ned distress I find that t- be a bit unlikely.

Hrmm.

 

WHAT

LADY, TRUST ME, I AM THE FURTHEST THING FROM ROYAL TYRIAN YOU ARE *EVER* GOING TO MEET.

I'M GOING TO PUNCH RECOLOR KANKRI IN THE FACE, THOUGH, JUST ON PRINCIPLE. "FUCK AUTHORITY" PLAYS INTO THIS ON SOME SMALL LEVEL, BUT MOSTLY I'VE--AS OF JUST NOW--MADE IT MY PERSONAL QUEST TO MEET EVERY OTHER VANTAS BUT ESPECIALLY KANKRIS IN THE PIT.

ACTUALLY ON SECOND THOUGHT GIVEN MY OWN POSITION...FUCK AUTHORITY DOES NOT PLAY INTO THIS AT ALL. IT IS SOLELY MY OWN VENDETTA AND DEEP INSTINCTIVE DESIRE TO EMBARRASS MYSELF AS PUBLICLY AS POSSIBLE.

 

I am auth-rity. Specifically I am administrat-r -ver Sect-r 3066 -f Alternia, a regi-n c-ll-quially refered t- as the Tr-ll Levant -r The Hell Desert. Either -r is fine. Th-ugh perhaps that d-esn't matter given that this is a pers-nal pitch affair? Perhaps. Hrmm.

I must regretfully inf-rm y-u that, as a Vantas, y-u are the cl-sest thing thing t- r-yal tyrian I am ever g-ing t- meet, th-ugh. -r my -wn Vantas is, at any rate.

 

[Teggy is wrinkling his nose at the pizza. Because a part of him is very much a garbage berries-and-kale-is-the-only-acceptable-food-sweaty-uwu person. The rest of him just plays that part up for The Persona.]

 

I AM NOT THE VANTAS YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

[he gestures to his eyes, which have filled in completely with red]

IT'S DEFINITELY NOT A PITCH AFFAIR, THOUGH! THIS IS STRICTLY PLATONIC HATRED. AND I WILL PUNCH HIM RIGHTEOUSLY AND WITH MUCH GLEE, RIGHT IN HIS GOD DAMN GAPING SQUAWKBLISTER. AND THEN GO HOME, FINALLY AT PEACE.

IF YOU WANT I CAN PUNCH YOU TOO, BUT I CAN GUARANTEE IT'LL BE A LAUGHABLE EFFORT.