shitposting rave 5: discount rejects from every genre

Working on it. -lays down with the rock between his paws and starts purring. Something about the purr goes straight past the ears and into the brainstem, making everything feel a shade darker and fuzzier.-

 

-that brings a smile to Rage's face
It's not a very nice smile, but it's there-

 

i know waHT i fuckenign said

 

The first, then the second!

 

THEY'RE FROM DIFFERENT UNIVERSES. ARADIA IS FROM MINE, SHE'S A TROLL AND KIND OF TERRIFYING SOMETIMES. DAVE IS A HUMAN, HE COULD PROBABLY BE TERRIFYING IF HE WANTED TO, BUT MOSTLY HE'S A CHEESE DUST-CRUSTED WEENIE.

ARADIA FUCKED OFF TO GO DO HER OWN THING, BUT I FIGURE HER OWN THING HAS PLENTY TO DO WITH TIMEY BULLSHIT AND THE END OF SHIT, SINCE SOLLUX IS WITH HER AND HE'S DOOM.

DAVE DOESN'T LIKE DOING TOO MUCH WITH TIME ANYMORE, EITHER. I THINK IT'S LAME AS SHIT, OBVIOUSLY HE'S A KNIGHT FOR A FUCKING REASON, AND ASPECTS AREN'T DECORATIVE, BUT IF IT WAS MY JOB I'D PROBABLY GET IT BETTER.

COOL! COOL. BEING WORSHIPPED SUCKS THE MOST HEINOUS OF SHIT FROM THE DEEPEST, DARKEST PLACES ON THE PLANET. I MEAN, I'M NOT GIANT, AND I'M NOT IMMORTAL (I DON'T THINK?), SO YOUR SCUTTLEBUGGY MAY GET MORE OR LESS DISTANCE THAN MINE, BUT I'VE FOUND IT'S NOT NEARLY AS EXCITING AS I THOUGHT IT'D BE.

 

[Vector is still watching carefully...]

[...which (un?)fortunately means he misses the appearance of That Gun.]

...well. He was in turns infuriating and delightful, as most siblings are. Very charismatic, for better or worse. Rather delicate for brawling, but a terror on the battlefield once Solus got him decent armor. And an excellent storyteller! He was... he was our brother, no matter that he was the voice of chaos, the single Liege in a company of Primes. We did love him, most of the time.

Unfortunately, he holds... not quite the blame for, but the spark that set off the powder-keg of our war. The tribes were already developing-- not to the point of splinter groups as they became later, but even before we sealed Unicron we'd started forming alliances and rivalries, and those only got worse once we had mortals in the mix as well.

Spoiler: On second thought... history lessons get long sometimes.

Without a common enemy to focus on, our generation split along three... alignments, really. Those who were most Lawful started building cities... and building structure, stratification. Civilization, some would say, though in retrospect I can't quite agree. Prima, Alpha Trion, and myself, for better or worse; I was... distracted at the time, still getting properly acquainted with my powers, though that's no excuse for how bad things got. Micronus, Onyx, Solus, and Nexus each had their own duties but generally stayed apart from the rest of us; Quintus, Optimus, and Alchemist were drifters, always on to the next new and exciting endeavour. And Megatronus, Amalgamous, and, yes, Maximo, split off to... well, ostensibly to set about figuring out more efficient energon-refining techniques, but honestly they were a bit sick of getting bossed around. Never did take it well, and without Unicron there to present a common target they and Prima had started harassing each other more and more openly.

There were spats, every so often. Solus would make something for one of them, and the other would kick up a fuss-- never mind that it wasn't serving 'the enemy' to help out her own brothers, even if they weren't getting along! Prima never was good at handling conflict-- he just got more and more stubborn if someone argued with him. And, well, chaotic or not, Megatronus never took lightly to being called a traitor! Things happened, a lot of messy things happened... and all the while, none of us ever noticed that our go-between, brass-tongued Liege Maximo, was twisting things to his own benefit, blaming excess damage from his own experiments on one side or the other.

Eventually, for purposes I still don't care to think on, he manipulated Megatronus into nearly killing Solus-- we thought he had killed her, honestly, bless Quintus for being a persistent little glitch when he gets an idea stuck in his head. More mess happened before we got everything straightened out, and then there was another fight, and by the time we'd managed to track him down...

...well. It ended with three of our brothers dead, several more nearly so, and even on his way to the Well he was trying to play us against each other. To say nothing of Galvatron running around on his own making everything worse, the rusty old cogsucker. If Onyx hadn't confirmed otherwise I'd think he was part of Maximo's own following.

The present and the future are both important parts of time! I do wonder now if you haven't got a third lying around somewhere for the past...

 

-Lacuna stares at Vector wide eyed.-

...but that's not at all how Unicron does things! What the FUCK?

 

-purrpurrpurrpurrr. Eventually the rock has faded to dust, then nothingness. Soundy summons a bunch of instrucments and measures the place where the rock used to be-
Hmm, I can still find traces, even when I do it in here. I wonder if I can ever vanish something without traces.

 

Sure you can! Feed it to Unicron!

 

LYING AROUND? LET ME JUST RUMMAGE AROUND IN THE WARDROBIFIER AND SEE IF I'VE GOT AN EXTRA PERSON SOMEWHERE I FORGOT ABOUT, SURE!! CAN'T DO WITHOUT A COMPLETE SET, YOU KNOW.

GOTTA CATCH *ALL* THEM GOD TIERS, ESPECIALLY THE SECRET LIMITED EDITION THIRD TIME PLAYER. I HOPE MINE HAS HOLOGRAPHIC FOIL!

THERE WAS A GREEN BONY DUDE BUT GIVEN THAT HIS GOAL WAS "DESTROY EVERYTHING" WE KIND OF HAD TO GET RID OF HIM. THEN THERE WAS ARADIA'S DANCESTOR, BUT THE DANCESTORS WERE A SQUAD OF MORONS WHO DIDN'T ACCOMPLISH SHIT.

 

-laughs- Not the same, then it´s him vanishing it, not me! Maybe the races are just the empty space where the object used to be. -rubs his ear while considering this.-

 

Oh, Unicron's very capable of subtle manipulation, even if he doesn't care for it very much.

Technically Maximo was created as part of our generation, meant to grow and change past what the Big Two were capable of. Blame that if you want.

It's not quite entirely gone, thankfully, but if you take the time to develop your powers... [Vector shrugs. He kind of doesn't want to encourage random total destruction of matter, but given Unicron has apparently already claimed the kid...]

 

-She pets him.-

Ehn, you'll figure it out.

 

WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY ABOUT ME YOU LITTLE SHIT.

I PERFORMED THE SCRATCH ON OUR SESSION. YOUR UNIVERSE WOULD NEVER HAVE EXISTED HAD I NOT. THAT IS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT.

(I THINK KILLING MEENAH WAS ALSO AN ACCOMPLISHMENT. EVEN THOUGH THAT BACKFIRED.)

 

Are you worried I'll do the same?

 

-Rage is listening quietly, sat on the floor in a corner with his legs stretched out and his hands flat on the floor between them-

 

[He snickers.] Fair enough! "Destroy everything" is only useful sometimes.

 

IT IS ALWAYS USEFUL.

AND FUN. VERY FUN.

 

YEAH, BRAG ABOUT FAILING SO HARD YOU HAD TO SET UP A NEW UNIVERSE WHERE YOUR ANCESTORS WOULD ACTUALLY DO THE JOB YOU COULDN'T. GOOD FOR YOU! YOU DID THE ONE THING YOU HAD TO DO AFTER SITTING ON YOUR COLLECTIVE ASSES FOR SWEEPS. I'M VERY PROUD.

 

...no. I do try to believe the best of people until they really, truly prove me wrong. Perhaps that's why I missed it the first time, but... I can't say I much want to change that about myself, even if it leaves me with a blind spot.

I'm not going to argue with you, dear! Just stay in your own cluster and I'll stick to mine.