Vent siggy is soggy

i hate feeling selfish, i hate feeling like i'm better than others, i hate this i hate this i hate myself i hate how i am i hate myself so fucking much

 

if it helps, I'm steppin' in to be at least one person who's got literally no reason to lie to you and will personally punch your brain gremlins if i could.

you're a fucking delight.

yes you have issues, most people do even if they aren't saddled w/ mental illness, and you're busting your ass dealing with them and it's fucking exhausting. but you're trying. and you're succeeding in so many other ways. you're making progress, sig, and I'm super proud of you for it.

 

i can't draw homestuck anymore without feeling like it looks awful.

no matter what i make...

 

just, for once i wanna draw fanart without comparing myself to everyone else on the damn earth.

 

trying to stay positive but im also so worried about how i try to earn money cuz im just,,, idk i feel like my streaming wont do a lot for me in general at all. im too tired to do commissions and im tired to do a new comic i hope to do ,

 

I feel like im stealing an idea from my ex friend because I finally have a character that would be good as an antagonist for my Oc David in terms of him wanting immortality and may or may not sell his soul for it but...

my friends oc kind of did the same thing so just... sighs.

i feel like im copying them when i've been thinking about this concept for a long while now AND i just got a design for an oc i really like for this concept.

they dont look alike but they share things my friends oc has so im just OTL

i just always get inspired by others but i try to keep it where im not stealing but i feel like i really am stealing from them. i dunno...

 

sigh..

 

I wanna make another comic to sell but the two ideas i have feel too sad, or too gross so im just

ugh...
i might do the sad one tho, something a little different i guess? make it more patreon and shi

 

i just

i dont think im worth being around anymore for anyone. i keep telling myself i am but?? i honestly don't think i am, i'm so tired where ijust, dont wanna be here, not waste peoples time, ,

 

i know i complain about the same damn thing and it's annoying at this point but honestly???
i dont think im worth it!!! i really dont think i am and like why should i try???

imm too afraid to talk in group servers anymore where i just, why should i? ill be looked over and ignored because i suck and i'm just??? i dont do anything interesting or say anything interesting anymore

i just wanna die??? :) !!! ! !i really do!!

 

I don't think you're boring.

I think sometimes with depression, you feel really disconnected. And when you have that feeling, it's hard to engage with people. Which means that you don't interact with other people/situations as much as you'd like. And then it's easy to feel ignored, cause you're not being acknowledged as much when you're not engaging. And then you feel like it's a personal failing, when it's actually a symptom of depression.

 

You are definitely worth it. I wish I wasn't so tired and overloaded all the time so I could hang out and do fun stuff with you more :(

 

depression needs to stop this instant

dont worry about it, the little talks we have mean a lot to me, i just hope youre doing okay

 

Depression is dumb :(

 

i really hate how my art looks.

i hate that i can't draw ANYTHING nice anymore or at all.

 

I think you have a really cool style. I always admire people who are capable of being creative.

 

im trying but i guess i just?? idk

i dont feel creative anymore, or as creative as i used to be i guess.

 

I think your style is inherently creative!

I try and draw things very realistically because I'm bad at thinking outside the box. I always admire people who are able to draw with less rigid lines and explore different color options because I don't even really think to do that.

 

The best advise I've heard for when your art is kicking your ass is go back to basics. Just draw piles of characters and body parts and do anatomy studies. Seconding @ZeroEsper though, I've always loved you style. It's soft, and pleasant to look at, and you put so much into all the little details, that even simple sketches convey so much emotion in them.