Vent siggy is soggy

i kind of just?? wanna rest, really.

 

nothing more fun than waking up to a dream where you're lost, someone was bullying you and no one believed you in the slightest and youre all alone, crying, and feeling like no one around you cares

 

I had too many weed gummies and now they don't do much for me unless I stop for a bit :( sadge

 

I found out that my little brother wants to kill himself and he's serious. i'm,, unsure how to react aside just cry.

 

seeing my cat calm down recently is worrying me ;;

 

Ive been having the worst time trying to get my medicine this week where i might have to call again and ask for it and super attempt tomorrow to get it :(

 

me knowing my sleep schedule is bad and im not really taking care of myself mentally: i wish to die a horrific death

 

whenever I dislike one specific thing so much i get so upset cuz it's stupid to get upset about but i am anyway :(

 

I think im at a point where if i do enough passive harm on myself then i can justify killing myself, which uh, not good.

 

being suicidal is weird cuz i dont want to live but i also don't want to die, im so scared of dying.

another topic but, idk, i guess im kinda annoyed at people calling every character autistic but in a way where it's cute? idk, i think it's because i'm most likely autistic and it's, not fun, or cute. im kinda suffering.

 

idk i guess laios and falin dungeon meshi really showed that i'm too awkward and weird to be around most people right now in my life.

 

Im so worried for chewy (my cat), hea now 6 pounds and last time he was 7. I've been giving him his thyroid meds consistently for once and now just feel like I'm too late on whatever it is he has. Idk. He's been eatimg.amd drinking and barhrooming normally, but... still I'm worried

 

if chewy dies because i was unable to change the needle for his iv for 2 days im going to be really upset.

The needle is, for some fucking reason, difficult to remove, ive seen 3 different videos on how to remove it, tried doing it, and was unable to, and the vet i go to is closed on the weekend, and the OTHER vet i tried to go to was busy and wasn't able to help me fucking CHANGE A NEEDLE ON HIS BAG. THATS ALL I WANT!!! I JUST WANT TO CHANGE THE NEEDLE AND BE SHOWN HOW TO DO IT!!!

 

i feel like im going insane for wanting basic help on something i am legit unable to do because i do not want to break the thing holding the old needle :')