been meaning to make one of these for a while but, as typical for me, i kept trying to make it ~perfect~ and ~organized~ or some shit when i KNOW thats gonna fall apart at best. SO, fuck that noise. im messy and imperfect and im fucking allowed OKAY. anyway, still gonna try to keep this mostly positive since i have a bad habit of being NEGATIVE AS ALL HELL. seriously im like a meatspace copy of eeyor if he hulked out. SO. attempt at neutral to positive shit goes here. i got a vent blog for the rest. ONWARD! *edit aug 6, 2021* yeah, no, neutral to positive isn't really possible for where im at mentally. like as a baseline im not there yet. and i might never get there. but cutting off all talking because "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all" isn't really a good bit of advice when you've been through hell and back before you even hit puberty. i NEED to get out that frustration and negativity. its not just "a bad attitude" its legitimate grievance with shit situations i never should have been put in, and denying myself the right to acknowledge that is just hurting myself. so this is your heads up that im a cranky fucker and thats gonna come out here. i'll try to keep the actual meltdowns in my vent post though.