so i'm being followed by demons: what do

If I'm right at guesstimating your age as early twenties, I'm pretty sure that's target symptom age for a lot of schizoaffective issues to start showing up? Bipolar flavored brainweird could range from "anxiety stress induced hallucinations" to "first mixed or manic episode" (though I don't think this is a manic episode? but my s/o had a lot of pretty bad psychotic symptoms during their manic periods when they were younger) to "onset of schizophrenia".

Depending on whether or not your psych already knows, it might be worth sticking 'family history of bipolar/bipolar symptoms' on the list of things you need to talk about. That could be playing into it.

 

i'm 18! this doesn't seem like a manic episode, from what little i've experienced of mania? (bad rxn to medication) and my depression's actually a bit better than usual- i've been less suicidal lately, or at least more able to dismiss the suicidal thoughts. and yeah, he knows. i've been with this guy for about a year and a half- he's fairly well versed in my history by now, thank god. but i can bring it up again, if it's potentially relevant to the current sitch. 8)

i just...don't get why this is happening now, i guess, instead of when i was still in highschool or later, like once i'm actually in college. those are stressful times. not the doldrums in between.

 

Well, just because a certain thing can be caused by outside circumstances, that doesn't mean it isn't possible for it to be endogenous, or that being endogenous makes it any less important.

 

Doldrums can be pretty terrible. Even if yours aren't, there may be subconscious stress from knowing that you're only getting brief respite from extreme external stress and will be going back to it - possibly in even larger quantities - shortly.

 

maybe- i'm honestly more of a mess between stressful events than during them, tbh. hopefully my psych can tell me what's what tomorrow, though- i typed up something to give him that i think hits all the important points. now all i gotta do is print it 8)

 

oh my god what if i'm just an overdramatic idiot making something out of nothing and all i'm doing is wasting my poor psych's time.

 

I really don't think you're being overdramatic if you're having hallucinations every night.

 

You aren't, this isn't nothing, and you deserve to have this treated with the seriousness it deserves. You're not wasting his time.

 

i mostly don't even see the full creature, just shit out of the corners of my eyes plus just knowing in my gut that something's there and it wants to hurt me, and i know that it's not real mostly, it's not legit like some people's, it's just stupid, i am freaking out and i know i am freaking out and i am very sorry but anxietybrain is damn convincing.

 

it is 100% legit whether you know it's real or not. I know the shadow monsters I see aren't real. I know the voices I hear aren't there. I know the hands that touch me aren't actually real. I know the demons coming to get me aren't actually coming, I know there's no demon in my house, I know that the government isn't watching me, I know there's nothing looking through my camera on my computer, I know that none of it is real, mostly. it still scares the heck out of me and terrifies me and is a problem. whether you know it's real or not, it's legit just as much as anyone else's and it needs treating. and you don't have to see the full-blown thing to have a problem--I used to just see flashes of things. it eventually got worse and stepped up to 'now you see the actual creature when you are looking right at it!' you don't want that. trust me. get this treated now.

 

This sounds very much as legit as other people's experiences that I've heard about, and even if it wasn't that doesn't mean it's suddenly less in need of attention and treatment by your psych!

 

Anxietybrain can go right to hell, because it's not right, but checking in to make sure that you're not overblowing things is fine. Because this is outside confirmation that the things you've described, even while knowing they aren't real, is something to worry about.

Anxietybrain is wrong. This is worth making a fuss about, I promise.

 

this is a Something. an important something. wasting ur psychs time entails preventing him from doing his job, which is treating you. right now, doing that properly means knowing about this issue.

You are experiencing brainfuckery that involves seeing and hearing things that objectively do not exist, and this is interfering with your sleep to a significant degree and seriously increasing your stress levels. If talking about this is wasting your psychs time then I dunno what constitutes something worth mentioning :P

Listen to the folks above me in the thread. Nip this shit as close to the bud as you can.

 

okay, i've- well, 'chilled out' doesn't fit here, but i've certainly become a different kind of frantic instead. y...yay? i'm going to tell him, i'm going to print out my stupid list of brainwrong and shove it at him and let him read it even if i can't say anything, at least half of me knows that this is serious enough to not fuck around about.

i wish this wasn't happening. 8(

 

okay, things have mostly been good tonight besides the three terrifying minutes where i was convinced that my cat was possessed by demons. (she is not possessed by demons, incidentally. i know that now)

 

ive had medication induced brainshit before, that was probably my most serious Event so far. granted it was also a high stress period, but the brainshit was definitly medication induced. not fun.

luckily stopping the meds (2 types of painkillers for a non-brain related thing) stopped the episode but then i had withdrawal for like 2 weeks which was also super not fun. it didn't get to full blown psychosis but my therapist was super worried i would end up having a psychotic break or something

... actually didn't you start new meds recently? that might possibly be a part of it. hmm. but i agree w other people here that most of the time delusions/psychosis are a result of stress and trauma and stuff.

 

i mean, i started lithium relatively recently, within the last four months, but my admittedly weak google-fu turned up nothing indicating that lithium could cause stuff like this.

she has abandoned me, alas. tiedye's got plenty of house to patrol, this time of night. 8P

 

this would however not be an expected side effect, though, which means it probably wouldnt get mentioned a lot.. but i dunno really.

also is your cat named tie dye because that is adorable