So Many Striders - Now With Illustrations!

"Ha. You seem to have put a lot more thought into my specific body type than I have. You'd be... let's see. The anime prince nerd in this fictional high school that we attend. They'd take your glasses off and then suddenly shojo sparkles all up in. The episode where you crossplay is everyone's favorite."

Eep. It'll be okay. Of course it'll be okay. Problem solve, he's good at that. "Um. Yeah. Yes, we can do that. Hm." The hand in Hal's hair slows down as he gets distracted, but quickly picks back up when he starts paying attention again. "Can you describe sort of the process of when you go nonverbal? Like, what exactly are you capable of when it happens? I noticed you, um, had trouble moving too." Dirk tries to cringe, but that just curls him around Hal tighter for a second before he forces himself to relax. "I don't know if a halt sign will work if you can't move. Maybe you could hold something and drop it if you need me to stop?" Dirk coughs and blushes. "That, er, that's um. A kind of safe signal substitute I read about. Once. On the internet." He hurries past that totally non-awkward moment. "If I'm going to be touching you for an extended period of time I'd be more comfortable if we had something like that until you're a bit more used to things here in meat space."

Hal is really warm, and a lot softer than Dirk anticipated. "Mmm. Fair warning, it's your turn to be napped on."

 

"Hey, when you walk past a guy only wearing a towel around your hips, it's a bit hard not to put thought into it." Wait shit he didn't mean to say that. "I mean uh, to notice it." Nailed it. Time to move on real fast. "Damn right the episode where I crossplay is everyone's favourite, I would look fucking incredible in a big poofy anime princess dress, puffy sleeves and ribbons and petticoats and all. I wonder what the plot reason is that I crossdressed? Probably gotta hide from my evil uncle or some kidnappers he's hired or something, because he wants to be king of my vague and distant small European country of origin. And he'll never suspect that under the wig and makeup and princess dress, I'm really me and not some random chick at the high school."

Oh man, okay, now talking about something less fun. "Uh. There's kind of like. A block in my throat, that I can't speak around? Moving-wise, it doesn't normally hit that hard, but like 99.3% of the time I can still move my hands a little so I should be able to manage a simple stop sign, or dropping a ball or knotted cloth or... uh, you know, whatever really, I haven't looked these things up myself." That's a lie. "Maybe I could hold something that beeps at you if I press a button? That way you'd be surer to notice it."

He rubs his hand up and down Dirk's back, resting his head back against the headboard. "Turn and turn about, huh? That seems reasonable."

 

Dirk snickers. "Jesus dude, did this suddenly become Host Club? Are we the Hitachiin brothers because you're going to have to start putting up your hair. You're in luck though, they crossplay like every other episode." Dirk tries not to yawn. He yawns a lot.

"Oh, a noise maker would work, like a clicker. That'd be really easy, I could go to the pet store later today or tomorrow." His eyes burn and his face feels puffy from crying. Maybe tomorrow. "I can. If you're sure you want me to I could try to finish your back now, if it's hurting you. It seemed like it was. I was joking about sleeping here, I'm not even t-t-tired." He yawns hugely in the middle of his lie. "Okay, I know what this looks like, but listen."

 

God he's blushing, good thing Dirk's curled up to his chest and can't see. And now he's picturing the scene where the Hitachiin brothers wake up naked in bed together as him and Dirk, why is he picturing this, he doesn't want to picture this. He pouts exaggeratedly. "But Hikaru, it takes so long to put it up, can't you do it?"

Hal snorts, lifting his hand to rub his thumb against the back of Dirk's neck. "Yeah, a clicker sounds perfect, but it can wait. Both those things can wait, you're obviously bushed - crying drains energy like a motherfucker. Get some sleep."

 

Dirk's hand slides from Hal's hair and on to his chest. He is 100% intending on using that hand to push himself up and go be useful. "No, I shou- ah." Hal's fingers on the back of his neck gives him full body goose-pimples and he shivers before immediately relaxing. A pleasant, fuzzy white noise takes over his brain and suddenly staying right here is exactly the right decision despite distant, unimportant drawbacks. "Don't let me sleep here all day, I mean it." He's nearly asleep half way through that sentence, but he understood it so surely Hal did. That's how that works.

 

Hal's rather disappointed when Dirk's hand leaves his hair, but it makes sense that he can't keep stroking it if he's going to nap. It's... a little alarming when Dirk relaxes all at once, but Dirk's still capable of speech and doesn't seem worried about his sudden relaxation, so Hal doesn't force him to sit up to check that he still can or anything like he wants to, and just moves his hand down to rest more safely on Dirk's back. 'Don't let me sleep here all something something' okay clearly Dirk wants to be woken up a bit, Hal can do that, but he's pretty sure Dirk is already asleep by the way that sentence trailed off into nothing, so he touches his lips ever-so-lightly to the top of Dirk's head, and indulges himself in murmuring, "As you wish."

 

While Dirk gets his nap on, freestyle, Hal looks up the ideal length a nap should be on his phone, then sets it to vibrate an alarm in an hour and a half. It's still pretty low on battery, and the power cable is plugged in a good couple of feet out of reach, so he sets it down instead of dicking around on the internet while Dirk sleeps. Instead he waits, counting the seconds for what he thinks is five minutes (he's no Dave, always able to tell how long something is taking no matter what it is), before slooowly leaning out sideways to snag a book off the low stack beside his bed. He obviously didn't wait long enough, because Dirk grumbles about the movement, turning his head as if seeking out a comfier part of Hal's chest to rest it on, and he waits motionless until Dirk resettles. When he's sure he hasn't woken Dirk, he opens the book one-handed to the toilet paper square he's using as a marker, reading it with one arm wrapped loosely around Dirk's waist. It's awfully peaceful, and he finds himself getting drowsy several times, but Dirk manages to make some snuffly sound or other against his chest before he gets too far towards sleep, and the fucking cuteness of it wakes him up.

At the set time, Hal's phone starts vibrating, and he puts his book down spine up on the bed, holding his place, stopping the alarm before shaking Dirk gently by the shoulder. "Hey, bro, time to wake up now." Dirk makes a rather louder sound than the little snuffly ones of before, that stretches on into a whiny 'Nooooo why' which is, Hal thinks, a rather good indication that he's not ready to wake up yet. He makes a quiet hushing sound, running his hand up Dirk's back to rub at the back of his shoulders. Dirk subsides back against him and smacks his lips in such a satisfied way that Hal has to fight against a laugh, little trembles of humour making his chest shiver. He forces it down, resetting the alarm and picking his book back up.

The noises Dirk makes during this sleep cycle are rather less happy ones. At first Hal leaves him be, figuring it'll stop on its own, but then Dirk starts twitching, sharp little motions of his head and legs that make Hal think of a dog running in its sleep, but Dirk looks rather more like he's being chased than doing any chasing. He sets his book down, wrapping his arms around Dirk and stroking his back, his arm, and finally the back of his neck, to help sooth him into more peaceful sleep. The last one seems most effective, so when Dirk starts making the unhappy noises again half an hour later, it's what Hal goes straight for, making quiet shushing noises. Dirk settles more, and doesn't make the noises again. It's not much longer after that that the alarm goes off for a second time, and Hal baps it to stop, giving Dirk's shoulder another shaking. "Yo, Dirk, you've gone through two sleep cycles, now's a good time to get up."

 

"Wha... Mmm, m'uP! i BEEN up 'm doin it. fuK." He's so groggy, what is happening. More importantly, why is it happening to him specifically. He never wakes up this disoriented, he's an incredibly light sleeper and usually wakes up several times a night (when he actually sleeps) because regular dreams are hellscapes designed from the ground up to fuck with him. Something moves. The room resolves around him and it's not his room. A noise, and Hal is there, has been there. He's laying on Hal, except partially not due to his somewhat physical struggle to wake up.

He flops back down, and tries to wake up by putting the events before his impromptu nap in order. Hal needed a back rub, shit went down, he burst into tears like the cool dude he is. More crying happened with added hugging and learning. Hal still wants to be around him. Hal encouraged him to take a nap in his arms. Hal-

His next thought falls out of his mouth without thought or permission. "Did you just tell me you loved me?"

 

Dirk waking up this time is even funnier than him falling asleep again earlier, and Hal snorts with giggles at his indignation, tightening his grip around Dirk's waist when he starts to shift about. It would kind of suck if Dirk fell off the bed. He seems more present when he flops back down, though, and Hal lets go of his waist, running his hand over Dirk's back instead, lips twitching still in amusement until Dirk asks. Uh. That.

"No? I said you should wake up." His voice cracks on the 'no' which is embarrassing and also doesn't really support the whole 'I'm being honest here I promise' thing. He thunks his head lightly back against the headboard, tilting his face up to stare at the ceiling. He's not even lying though, he definitely didn't say that, unless Dirk wasn't completely asleep when he made the dumb Princess Bride reference, and if that's the case then uh, shit.

 

Dirk pulls away from Hal, sitting on his own leg between Hal's knees. He's entirely too stunned to even process the information he's confirming right now. "Yes you did. You. It felt like you kissed my head and said 'as you wish' which, I mean, what. That's not even a 'we're brothers and we just resolved a huge painful issue together' style I love you that's like, I love you." He's trying not to get angry. He's not angry he's, he's confused and that looks a lot like angry on him and he doesn't want to look that way right now, with the memory of Hal terrified (under him) and crying at the forefront of his brain. Instead he's sure that his lack of shades help communicate his complete and utter panicked bafflement.

 

Hal's hands drop to his sides, and he fists them in the top of the comforter, kneading it slightly with his fingers. His shoulders are back against the headboard, and he flicks his eyes over Dirk's face. Fucking faces, how even do they display emotion. Dirk looks angry, but also not angry. His voice doesn't sound angry, but what if he is angry and he's trying to hide it so he can attack without Hal being able to block- No. That's illogical. Point one, Dirk doesn't like hurting Hal when he's in this body, because it makes Dirk acknowledge him as a separate person. Point two, Dirk wouldn't need to plan an attack like that, as he is significantly stronger than Hal and could overpower him whether he knew it was coming or not. Point three... point three, fuck it, he can fucking ask. He blinks rapidly a few times, wishing he had his shades on, and swallows before speaking. "Are... are you mad?"

 

Shit. Hal looks really scared. "No. No I'm not mad." He wishes he could make himself physically smaller, though he does automatically scrunch up a bit, like he does every time someone looks at him like that. "Even if I was mad, I wouldn't hurt you. I promise. I'm just... confused. I mean..." Lost does not even begin to describe how Dirk feels. He makes an expansive gesture and bursts out with, "Why?"


(by @KathyGaele)

 

"I didn't. I mean, I. Can-" He tugs on his lip with his teeth, glancing down at his hand, curled into the comforter. "This is gonna sound real fucking weird, but can we... can we cuddle while we have this conversation? It's easier to talk more openly if I can't see you, which isn't, seeing you is a good thing, uh, but obviously I'm gonna feel that way because of, yeah. ... So. Hugging. Can that be a thing?" He looks back up at Dirk, through his eyelashes, chin tucked down almost to his chest.

 

Dirk's throat works around to swallowing the second or third time his brain sends down a request to try. "Um." Hal is looking at him with his face tilted down shyly and he looks so young. Dirk feels like he should leave this room right now and throw himself into a volcano for even being involved in this situation. "If that's what you... Er, we don't have the thing, the noise thing." So fucking eloquent Dirk Strider, use your words. "I can do that. How do you want m-aaah, where should I sit?" Every single accidental and intentionally humorous innuendo he's said to Hal recently comes crashing back on him in that moment. His face is beet red but he does his best to power through. "Tap out if you need space."

 

"I can. Talking is, I can talk, uh, obviously because I'm doing it, I'm not... it's not going to stop, this is embarrassing and awkward as fucking hell, but not a, uh, thing that would make that happen." He pulls his knees up, releasing the comforter with his hands and sliding his feet back along it so he can flop forward onto his knees, shuffling forward so he can get his legs to either side of Dirk, ass hovering over Dirk's thigh. He's turning as red as Dirk, all the way up to the tips of his ears and down his neck, judging by how hot his skin feels. "Is this... okay? For you? Me sitting here I mean not the, the thing."

 

Dirk squeaks "Sure" in the most unsure tone he's ever heard and grimaces. "Um, let me just." He scoots back so that his back is against the wall. He's getting a head start on the whole Not Looking at Hal thing and he has to say it's much more comfortable than looking because Hal looks about as embarrassed and flustered as he feels. "Okay. You can now." He digs his fingers into the blanket on either side of him. He is the king of smooth, smooth as fuck.

 

Hal waits for Dirk to settle against the wall, then follows him over, tucking his legs either side of Dirk's, ass on Dirk's thighs, and back curved (ow) so he can tuck the upper part of his face into the crook of Dirk's neck, resting it there. His hands rest briefly on his own knees, then he wraps them loosely around Dirk's lower back.

"Okay. So." He really doesn't want to do this. "I... like-like you. I dunno how long it's been a thing, but uh, definitely quite a while at least. I only realised after waking up from our first nap, I sat and um, thought about it a bit, because of how you reacted to me saying the stuff about uh, it making me happy when you're happy, and so on. And I, I worked out that's what it is. God, I miss being able to objectively analyse my emotions."

 

Hal is. There's a boy on Dirk's lap. Hal is that boy, and the lap he's on is Dirk's. Okay.


(by @KathyGaele)

He doesn't know where to put his hands; Hal has hips, and thighs, and a waist, and they're all likely alright places but Dirk didn't think about Hal having hips in the way where word felt like something important in his mouth. He very carefully wraps his arms around Hal's slender (and see, he's noticing and using words like fucking 'slender' now) waist, resting his hands on his back.

When Hal speaks he can feel it on his skin a little bit, and he fights the urge to press himself back against the wall so that it doesn't make him shiver. He wasn't really expecting an explanation, he doesn't know what he was expecting. "I don't feel, I mean, I haven't thought about it. It hasn't even occurred to me to think of, well, anyone that way. I don't know. I don't feel the same but I don't... not feel the same? That's not to say I." He's tempted to hold onto Hal tighter, for comfort, because he is distressed, but that might be taken wrong.

There's a boy on his lap.

 

Sitting on Dirk's lap is really nice - excluding the twinges of pain in Hal's back, which he's doing his best to ignore - it's warm and comforting, as well as giving him the great ability to hide his face from Dirk. He relaxes against Dirk, shoulders resting on his chest and ass a good three inches from Dirk's crotch. Plenty of room there for Jesus. Dirk's arms around him feel good too, like they're there to support him not to hold him in.

"I uh, I hadn't really gotten as far in considering this as a thing that I feel to consider you might, you know, feel the same way about me. You don't- I'm not, like, expecting that or something, it's cool and totally reasonable that you'd not be, well, you wouldn't be into me. I'm not some internet Nice Guy, I can handle being told you don't like me in that way and we can still be friends and shit, no fedoras and toddler tantrums involved in the slightest."

 

Hal twitches a bit like he's scared or in pain before settling on him and relaxing. For a moment Dirk feels horrified, at no point in life does he ever want a frightened, unwilling boy on his lap, but when he takes into account Hal's posture and the fact that his back had been hurting him it makes sense. The solid weight on his legs and against his chest is comforting; he'd just started getting used to their dramatically increased level of physical contact and had been reluctantly coming to terms with the fact that it made him generally happier.

"I really don't know Hal. I mean, you remember how I was with Jake, right? I feel like the stuff I told you yesterday, about not feeling competent to be in friendships without causing damage, goes triple for romantic relationships. I don't think you really want to hear that whole song and dance again though, since you disagree. But, um." Dirk sighs, trying to keep this from being weird. "If I'm not into you it's not because of you, but because I just don't, didn't, see myself perusing anyone. And some other reasons I guess, I mean, it's not incest but it's not not incest and that's... a little weird for me." He moves one of his hands a little bit automatically, worried that he might have hurt Hal's feelings. He doesn't know how Hal thinks about all their weird ectobiological connections.

"When you almost accidentally told me how you felt before I was freaked out, but after you, er, made it clear it was a brotherly sort of affection I'd felt, um, flattered? I guess? By the idea that you might have liked me? I felt flattered that you liked me at all, even in a sibling way, and I suppose once I stop having an heart attack I'll feel flattered again. I've never been..." His face goes hot again, it had finally started to cool down, damn it! "I've never had someone like me first before. I don't have any experience with, er, anything that I've not, haha, painfully and meticulously planned out beforehand. So um. That's. Weird for me. But not... I don't know that it's bad, just different."

"I guess... I'm not shooting you down? That would feel premature. You, um, can." He really does cringe away from Hal this time, this is so embarrassing. "I'm not saying I'll be interested, I really don't know, but... You have my permission to... court me? If you want." The inside of Dirk's head is nothing but a repeating mantra of 'killllllll meeeeee'