social anxiety?

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by Missfortunate, Mar 1, 2015.

  1. Missfortunate

    Missfortunate Emotional one

    Especialy when I feel like a freak so im like "yep everythings fine! Can i go home???" I still have my therapists number tho so well see
    • Like x 1
  2. albedo

    albedo metasperg

    Yep! When you most need therapy, you can't bear to tell anyone about how screwed up you are, and when you're doing okay, everything's fine so you don't bother to go. Oh, the therapy merry-go-round. I want some better coping strategies though, so I'm going to go back for that.
    • Like x 2
  3. kmoss

    kmoss whoops

    @Missfortunate & @albedo

    Just a plus point for this forum, I think, but most of us have been there, and most of the people I've talked to on here seem self-analytical enough that if you want to know if you misstepped during a conversation, you can probably ask and we'd be able to tell you.

    And you don't even have to ask in public, since the inboxes here seem to work pretty well.
    • Like x 4
  4. Aya

    Aya words words words

    I think you're doing really well. Admitting that you're anxious on a forum with a bunch of strangers is taking more of a risk than you had to, and you did it anyway, and that's brave shit.

    I've got the impression that most of the people on this board have at least some kind of brainweird going on, if not everybody. People aren't going to think less of you for brainweird here. I mean, at least personally, I can't judge. I couldn't order food from a fast-food line until recently because talking to people in the real world is so intimidating for me and I was terrified I was going to do something dramatically wrong while giving the counter-person my order somehow and it would be the end of the world.

    I can post on this forum because (as I've been telling myself) I don't really have anything to lose by doing so. I feel pretty good about my privacy/personal security situation, and there are not very many people who know about this forum, so I can feel pretty confident that nothing I say here will result in something placing me in physical danger. The worst thing that could happen is that people here won't like me. And plenty of people don't like me, I don't even really like me, so that wouldn't be anything new or different. I am almost completely sure there's no insult someone could throw at me that I don't throw at myself anyway. If people think I'm boring, or they mock my posts, or they think that something I said was the most terrible and evil thing anyone has ever said? I can leave and that will be the end of that. That kind of thinking makes this forum feel pretty safe.

    The other thing that eases the anxiety a little for me is to go right on ahead and imagine the worst thing that I think is even remotely likely to happen. And then imagine even worse and worse things happening as a result of what I say or do until the consequences I'm imagining are so utterly ridiculous that it's funny. When this works, and my brain tries to present me with all these terrible things that might happen, all those terrible worst things are caught up with the ridiculous worst thing and they all somehow become funny. It's the kind of funny where you're a little shaky and maybe crying a little, but I'll take that over a panic attack any day.
    • Like x 3
  5. Missfortunate

    Missfortunate Emotional one

    @albedo yes! You totaly get it. Ive also been trying to develope better coping strategies, my main two right now are Videogames! And singing, I like long walks too, it tends to clear my brainspace a bit. @boyacrossthestreet thats true! Inboxing is totaly a plausible to find out about misteps :) and @Aya thank you so much :) I know what you mean about fast food, even if I can order Im incredibly soft spoken except when Im around like three of the pwople I know so theyl be like "im sorry miss whatt??"( And im like "oh no -.-"*tries to raise voice*(its worse if im misgendered as that adds even more ugh to it)its awful xD
    • Like x 1
  6. albedo

    albedo metasperg

    Much appreciated; thank you. :) Yeah, this forum seems like a safe space for this kind of fretting. I'm just hypersensitive right now because I just found out that one of my closest friends has been completely misinterpreting me and silently getting irritated for years, despite my best efforts, which is kinda distressing.
    • Like x 1
  7. Missfortunate

    Missfortunate Emotional one

    @albedo that sounds awful :( definetly distressing..and they let it build up for years too? :( I hope the friendship is salvageable *hugs*?
  8. albedo

    albedo metasperg

    Eh, I'm bummed out, but really happy that Kintsugi started up at about the same time, so I have low-key socializing to do. I'll be alright. :) *hugs* Just a little hypersensitive about bugging folks right now, because I don't trust my ability to read people.

    Briefly, it looks like they've been reading emotional cues I didn't intend into what I was saying, and also seeing some of my behaviors as socially inappropriate. They didn't want to say anything because they thought I'd be really hurt; I'm not fragile, but I look like it sometimes.

    Like I said, I'm pretty spergy, and was totally unaware of what they were seeing. I'm hoping the friendship is salvageable, anyway; it's going to depend on whether we can actually communicate now, but we've been tentatively chatting for a couple days.
    • Like x 1
  9. Missfortunate

    Missfortunate Emotional one

    Im glad kintsugi exists also, the socialising here I think helps me cos im kind of reclaussive sometimes and just bad at it, sorry I took forever to reply to this I was blah yesterday cos my mother kept talking about my father and how she would take him back and blah blah*shudders* but mostly just fucking with my brain cos my ptsd I did okay considering, but had like no social energy to spare, I think I tend to display social inapropriateness, like unintended rudeness or lack of knoledge of social norms that causes tension between me and my SOs family
    I hope you and your friend manage to eatablish solid communications lines tho cos for me its almost impossible to upkeep a friendahip wwithout that
  10. albedo

    albedo metasperg

    Hey, no worries; this board moves fast, but I don't think we're expecting folks to be around 24/7. I'm definitely not. :) Hope things get better soon on the parental front; that sucks.

    I feel you on the inappropriateness front; there are all these crazy rules, and they keep changing!

    Yeah, almost impossible for me too. I'm not sure how that's going to work out. We'll see, I guess.
    • Like x 1
  11. Missfortunate

    Missfortunate Emotional one

    Things are quester today, weird thing tho, my mom told me she wants my piercings xD I ran away.
    Yeah social stuff is always changing and then im like ......o.o *drinks coffee* what now? or someones correcting me and im like "whaaaatttttt????" All confused an such.
    • Like x 1
  12. Re Allyssa

    Re Allyssa Sylph of Heart

    So, reality check! Three lines on a forum isn't really rambling. Your sentences are running together and a little jumbly. But I think you have to fill up sufficiently more text space for it to be considered rambling. :) So don't worry on that front. Also everything you said makes sense.
    (Additional note: This is meant to be a reassuring and nice reminder, apologizes if it sounds like I'm trying to yell at you or anything, because that's not what I mean. :) )

    As for the rest of it, you might want to attempt to talk to your SO explaining that sometimes you just flat out don't get things. And that if she's annoyed, could she please try to calmly let you know with explicit words that you did something that bugged her so that you can stop doing the thing and that it won't progress to her being mad. Also that you laugh when you're nervous and that you hope she can understand that you're usually not laughing at her or anything, it's just a thing that happens.

    A lot of people do nervous laughter, myself included, so it's not that weird of a thing, and she should try to be understanding for that. In return, you can promise to do your best to look for cues, especially if she can tell you what the cues are before they come up.

    And like everyone else has been saying, people here are probably pretty understanding of brainweird and socialweird, so if you need something explained or reworded, try to ask and I'm sure you'll get at least one response (if not a dozen)! ^^
    • Like x 3
  13. Missfortunate

    Missfortunate Emotional one

    Thank you @Re Allyssa i have actualy had a conversation with them about this :) it went very well in the end, started with me accidentaly knocking over a bottle of alcohol and they cleaned it up but like stomped about and slammed a door so I thought they were mad at me and and then after a few minutea came over to a trembling crying me and got me to calm down after a few minutes enough that I was able to explain i felt they were mad at me but i got lota of reassurance that they were just agrevated and not actualy mad at me amd we ended up talking about it and my lacl of understanding some things and sthey were being really nice to me about getting wherw im comin from and yeah it made me happy!
    • Like x 3
  14. emythos

    emythos Lipstick Hoarding Dragon

    Good for you :)
    • Like x 1
  15. Missfortunate

    Missfortunate Emotional one

    • Like x 1
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