sorry i don't make the rules: ridiculous/lighthearted headcanons

Fate's Riot Blade is not a new addition to Bardiche by StrikerS. It was added sometime because Signum thought the full-size Zanber was ridiculous and thought Fate should at LEAST have a practically-sized sword. Most of Fate's sword techniques are ones she picked up from Signum, as well.

 

Non-RH: Isaac from Paranatural has tried and failed to start an anime club six times already.

RH: Stocke is the laziest goddamn spellcaster ever. It's obvious he's had a lot training... and the main consequence is that he knows exactly which corners he can cut and still have the spell more or less work. It's honestly kind of impressive, albeit not in a good way.

 

I dunno if this is "ridiculous/lighthearted" enough for this thread or not, but after wandering around Wookieepedia in frustration a while back, I eventually gave up on trying to understand what canon was for exactly what the mechanical and functional differences between the Light Side and the Dark Side in Star Wars were and made up my own explanation.

Spoiler: Namely...

There are two ways to gain more power in the Force- let your emotions go and be serene and calm, or burn your emotions for fuel. The latter is much easier, especially when you need a burst of power, and if you're not careful it's possible to do it without meaning to, or sometimes even realizing you're doing it. But it tends to hit you pretty hard afterward, while the other way doesn't, and some of what you can do differs. Light-Dark is just the scale from one to the other. Someone way on the Light end is closer to Buddhist principles of enlightenment and lets most of their feelings go, and someone in the middle would occasionally use their feelings for fuel, especially in a pinch. Falling to the Dark Side happens when someone makes a deliberate effort to make themself feel strongly specifically so they have more emotions to use, and keeps it up for an extended period of time so they don't get hit by the backlash when they calm down. And it's much easier to make yourself angry or hateful or other negative emotions than to make yourself wildly happy, especially if the reason you want that power is for combat.

So, e.g., Anakin turned himself into a perpetual anger/resentment engine to kill all the Jedi, and by the time he's done he's worn that thought process groove deep enough that it kicks in when talking to Padme and he spirals off into hate/rage/paranoia automatically. Kylo can't keep himself coasting on the anger high as consistently as he wants to, and thumping himself in the ribs where he got shot while fighting Rey is to give himself strong negative feelings to work with. Palpatine gets off on messing with and hurting people and gaining power and uses that evil glee.

 

Redwall's rats/weasels/foxes etc all have names like Redtooth and Bloodsnout and on one memorable occasion Stinky, but it's made clear that they aren't given those names at birth; getting a new more vicious-sounding name seems to be a rite of passage, as we see when Little Redd becomes Badredd. Cap'n Tramun Josiah Cuttlefish Clogg, Fortunata, and Deadeye Pete show that at least some of them start out with human-ish names. Ever since I figured this out I've declared that Sneezewort and Lousewort (the little smart-mouth and the big dumb lug in "Long Patrol") were at birth named George and Lennie respectively.

 

Also I like to think Sneezewort and Lousewort are cousins and since rittenhood Sneezy's resented having to babysit someone older than him. ("Rittens" is the best word.)

 

Tori used to wear his sister's clothes a lot as a kid. It started with Jame being mean to him and forcing him into one of her dresses because you're just a big baby and act like the girl anyway. But he was oddly fine with this. He probably liked whatever dolls she may have had and not fucking played with because Jame does not play with dolls. She plays by breaking her brother's nose for the twentieth time.

Tori is also the biggest cuddle slut. He refuses to accept this as he is a huge brat. But deep down he longs to just be in a pile of his Kendar. Or wulvers. Or his Kendar and wulvers! That just isn't lordly though and also he trusts NO ONE so it does not occur. Jame is of course the most longed after cuddle target.

 

Jade's hair changed drastically after going godtier. She has an undercoat/topcoat kind of deal going on, with a very fuzzy and soft layer close to her scalp, while the longer hairs are like guard hairs.

 

Also it gets denser in winter. The first PostGame Spring was utter hell when she blew her "coat" for the first time.

 

@Valiska Pines has this problem too!

 

I am apparently also a dark sider. Cannot do buddhist enlightenment.

 

"Let your emotions go to the Force" being Light Side and Dark Side using emotions somehow seems to more or less be canon (and Jedi have some very obvious Buddhist influences), but it got murky and contradictory beyond that, especially with all the writers who treat the Dark Side like an external force trying to ~corrupt you to evil~. Which is why I made up more details. Because it bugs me that they're all "SO AND SO FELL TO THE DARK SIDE" and I'm like, "Okay, but what did they do beyond be a dick while using the Force, because Light-Side Jedi seem to do that pretty often too."

 

Discover how much easier to keep clean black clothes are than beige. The Light Side runs on detergent and artificial flower smells.

 

i just figured it was another bullshit force power, or they did start out a crisp white and slowly turned beige.

also, i was rewatching a little magic school bus and carlos from the show is also carlos from nightvale, but in the future: yes/hell yes/hell fucking yes?

edit b/c wording is a lil wonky: i mean carlos the scientist from nightvale is the grownup version of carlos from magic school bus.

 

I don't know how many Ace Attorney fans we have here, but:

I headcanon that the HP series in the AA 'verse? Are about Harriet Potter. No one else's gender is flipped, except possibly Ginny and Ron.

Lana Skye is a pretty big fan. She shipped both Drarriet and Harmone (and was positively gleeful when Rowling made the announcement a few years back that she'd changed her mind and now thought Harriet and Hermione ought to have wound up together.)

Lana and Edgeworth were also friends before the first game, and gay, and neither was particularly interested in pursuing real relationships. Lana was rightfully afraid of what Gant would do with another person to hold over her head, and Edgeworth was... Demon Prosecutor Edgeworth. So when social events would be made less awkward by having a "plus 1" to take with them, they'd beard for each other.

One year, Lana was invited to a classy Halloween party that required costumes. Edgeworth agreed to attend with her, but didn't want to be bothered with costume nonsense. Eventually, he agreed to let Lana pick out costumes, but set the condition that he go as a literary figure.

And that is how Edgeworth inadvertently cosplayed as Draco Malefoy.

 

w/ @mazarinedrake

Mandalorian weddings involve Ye Olde Kidnapping of the Bride and Groom by opposite families. They're expected to fight their way out. If anyone in either wedding party arrives without at least one broken bone, it's considered bad luck for the couple's future.

 

The Kencyrath eat hummus. Hummus by the boatloads. One of the first things they do upon hopping to another world is looking for a source of chickpeas, sesame seeds, and olives.

we may all be miserable and horrible fucks but at least god has graced us with hummus in ample supply on rathilien

Burr just eats it by the spoonful. Just by itself.

 

Are you implying that's not the correct way to eat hummus? :P

 

The unenlightened seem to think so. Bah on them! BAH!

 

Julyan Manderville is not actually a Midlander. She's a very tiny Highlander. No one who has dared to ask about this has ever been heard from again.

 

My dad is definitely unenlightened, so that checks out.