sorry i don't make the rules: ridiculous/lighthearted headcanons

Chara really enjoys cutting things up. As a result, their usual contribution to cooking is chopping up all the vegetables.
On multiple occasions, this resulted in a frantic scrabble to alter the recipe because Chara went and chopped up like...3 extra onions or something.
Anyone who is raising Chara quickly learns that if you leave vegetables on the bench and tell Chara to chop the vegetables you give them, they'll also go and chop up the vegetables on the bench.

 

After a fight with his brother, Prussia went out, got drunk, then came back and attempted to do this before realising he couldn't really cut the basement out of the house.

 

prussia is really petty

 

APH nations have their own language, hence why they can all communicate with each other so fluently. Since the titles of nations can change, they also have more specific names in this language which are pretty much the equivalent of Entish in that they consist of long descriptions and are totally unpronounceable to normal humans. Body-language-wise they tend to follow their own culture's norms; somewhere in the comic Austria mentions Bulgaria nods his head to mean no, which is an actual thing there. They did pick up ways to communicate "this is what my culture does normally" versus "I am actually trying to insult you".

 

"Clod" is actually a highly offensive term on Homeworld--it's practically the Gem equivalent of "cunt." And like "cunt" in English, "clod" was likely a lot less offensive in the past, hence Pearl's unimpressed reaction to it ("Oh, honestly, you call everyone a clod").

Basically, Peridot is extremely foul-mouthed by (modern-day) Homeworld standards.

 

Blaggut, being a large strong male rat who is super gentle and cuddly in contrast to how wild rats usually work, has Domestication.

 

headcanon: the lava is how he got the disease

 

One from the APH kinkmeme:

 

Another Decision(TM) about a game I'm playing: Baten Kaitos has so much flavor text that's just editorial comments about the artistic merits of random paintings that I've decided the main character is into art appreciation.

 

The TF2 Pyro is Canadian--Yukon born and raised, in fact. But by some foul luck of the genetic draw they ended up with an internal thermostat suited for someone living much closer to the equator. They're not crazy, THEY'RE JUST COLD. Yeah, sure, fire is very pretty and fun to play with, but mostly fire makes Pyro happy because it's WARM.

(they're also actually really, really smart! Yeah, we've seen their business savvy in the comics, but they're also pretty good at chemistry and engineering... especially if said chemistry and engineering involves making things not on fire be on fire or making things on fire stay that way longer)

 

Sibling got me to watch Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid, and we have jointly agreed that the reason Tohru and Lucoa have giant ridiculous anime boobs with jiggle physics is literally "magic." Tohru picked her appearance entirely based on "what do I think will be good for seducing the squishy human," and from her limited experience of humans decided that was "huge boobs that bounce like water balloons." And then Lucoa just decided to run with the trend. It occasionally kinda weirds people out.

 

all of these are rose quartz trying to figure out how to baby

 

Bards have sonic powers; merfolk screech like nobody's business; singers have good lung capacity; the combination of these factors means that when Cronus Ampora is genuinely terrified for his life, the noise he makes is utterly horrifying. It does not even sound like it comes from a flesh-and-blood throat.

 

The monsters all try to pick up various odd hobbies post-pacifist, like wirework or pottery or knitting.

EDIT: yes i know those aren't very weird i'm blanking on weird hobbies right now
apart from papyrus learning a bunch of pancake recipes including things like "hot chocolate pancakes"
kinda like those pancake recipes jacktrash posted that were all pictures so they're unsearchable

EDIT AGAIN: it wasn't all pictures, tumblr's search function broke
other odd pancakes for papyrus to make: banana bread with cream cheese, strawberry and lavender, funfetti, gingerbread...

 

D.Va in Overwatch wears bunny slippers off-duty an awful lot.

 

Adding to this, whenever a seatroll gets particularly badly startled, their face fins ruffle up and they look like that one dinosaur from the first Jurassic Park.

 

After one particularly difficult day in the year of atonement, either Maya Ducard or Damian Wayne needed a blood transfusion that the other provided. As such they technically count as siblings for the purposes of magical artifacts (though this is not the reason WHY they are siblings. Found family and all.)

 

It's been a while since I posted a Radiant Historia thing here, but I'm all loudly obsessed again because remake announcement, so: I am firmly convinced that Stocke abuses time travel to go back in time and take showers and do laundry. The rest of the party have all noticed that he is consistently much cleaner and less scruffy than everyone else when they've been in the woods for two weeks, but none of them can figure out how. The assumption that he has magic laundry powers is supported by the fact that when they reach a city he tends to ask for everyone's dirty clothes, disappear for an hour, and reappear with them all clean, and there's no possible way he could have found a laundry service, gotten them washed, and gotten them dry in the time he was gone, and yet somehow he did? But nobody wants to ask too many questions because when you've been camping out for that long clean clothes are a godsend.

 

All the various apocalypse-causing monsters and disasters in the SCP 'verse will cancel each other out and the universe will be perfectly fine. The various monsters which prey on people have a pretty low body count because they also prey on each other.

 

Spoiler: cw: weed

Greg Universe is a bit of a pothead, or at least was in the past. So is Amethyst. They would get stoned together a fair bit during their initial friendship, in addition to the whole Li'l Butler thing. Both of them cut back after Steven was born, particularly Greg, who more or less stopped entirely because he worried about anything taking his focus away from being a good dad. (He's probably taken to using it occasionally again now that Steven's older, though not to the degree he did before having a kid. Meanwhile, Amethyst never really stopped, because she is Amethyst, but she reluctantly cut back a bit, possibly at Greg's insistence.)

Rose probably smoked weed at least once too, because she viewed it as part of The Authentic Human Experience.