sorry i don't make the rules: ridiculous/lighthearted headcanons

Force users can use the Force to overcome toxins and shit, so what won't poison Rey is a broad and ever expanding category.

HC: Rey is very good at stuff like that, using the Force is quiet, subtle ways to increase her survivability. She's also adept at self-healing and using the Force to augment physical strength/stamina.
And because she never formally learned this stuff, she can't shut it off, which means poor Rey can't get drunk or smoke the good space kush with Luke.

 

This is the biggest tragedy in all of cinematic history, jfc.

Tangentially related headcanon: Since Gems lack organs by default, they generally can't get intoxicated in any way off of human substances--they have to shapeshift the relevant systems. (Amethyst has pretty permanently added these to her form.) However, Gems can achieve states that closely resemble various forms of inebriation by being exposed to certain inaudible sound waves due to vibration stuff. They can also experience pleasure (both sexual and non-sexual) and in some cases even pain or sickness from sound waves.

 

Whats vaporwave in this context

 

asmr probably

 

Oooh i like that

 

Kylo doesn't understand money. He went from being a kid to a space monk in the care of his uncle to an evil space monk in the care of a space warlord, and none of that involved getting paid. As far as he knows, food and clothes and lodgings just sorta happen upon him. He'd be utterly helpless if you dropped him in a populated area and asked him to take care of himself without the Force.

 

An unpopulated area, tho. ages 10-23 for Ben were more or less an extended multi-planet camping trip with Uncle Luke. Rebuilding the Jedi order involved a hell of a lot of raiding old ruins for information lost during the Empire's reign, and Kylo couldn't help but be an excellent outdoorsman.

 

In a lot of Mossflower groups, trans critters have a slightly easier time of it because they're socially expected to change their names on reaching adulthood anyway (if they got stuck with a strongly gendered one in the first place, which many don't).

 

i don't know whether this is lighthearted or sad, but early in red vs blue, grif says that command doesn't even know their names. so i'm headcanoning now that command has sometimes gotten confused and called the blood gulch crew by the names of the desert gulch crew. and they all dismissed it as nothing, nothing at all, since they are used to everyone being dumb and incompetent, and thus it didn't cross their minds when they met the desert gulch crew, it didn't occur to them that these people were the ones whose names they were sometimes called by command on the radio.

like, it would've gone something like this...

command: biff-

grif: *rolls his eyes* grif. jesus is my name really that hard to remember?

grif: *sighs* ah well. it's not like i can expect any better from command. or anyone else in this canyon.

 

Beth is tall for a cis woman, hence her being the same height as Jerry; she gets it from Rick. Whether or not Morty will end up tall like his mom and grandpa is hard to tell, but Summer, being 17, has pretty much stopped growing, and is about average height for a girl, courtesy of Jerry's genes.

 

Can Vriska and Romsca join the Grungy Girls Club with Rey and Amethyst?

 

If we're talking headcanons about character heights, I am firmly convinced that the vast majority of the RH royal family are really short, except for one person who got lucky and inherited his mom's genetics on that front and shot up in his teens to tower over everyone at... 5'11".

(Any indication in remake art that certain other members of the family are not tiny is clearly an error and can be safely ignored.)

 

Not sure who Romsca is but yes. Yes they can.

 

This lovely lady. Ferrets are notorious for being a bit stinky and in these books they tend to be about as hygienic as human pirates were.

 

FTFY

 

Since the maps seem to change at random every book, I can have whatever geography headcanons I want for Redwall, and I declare that it's in a copy of Earth, Mossflower's England, the Abbey's in Yorkshire, Salamandastron is King Arthur's Seat, Southsward is France, and Sampetra is somewhere in the West Indies.

 

i headcanon that the weird meta space of the red vs blue psas, vic introducing season 14, some season 14 episodes, and whatnot is in the same realm (or vaguely connected to) that of kintsugi's shitposting rave, and that characters from red vs blue can go through it to the rave. that it's all part of some big, multi-roomed metaphysical... dreamspace or whatever, where reality gets fuzzy and things fade into each other and people know shit they couldn't know in the real world. and that it's likely not the only dreamspace connected up to it. and like, though it is possible to leave it to reach the rave or anywhere else on the dreamspace network continuum thingy, so far, most of the characters haven't done it.

and the Weird Meta Space of RvB is where the red vs blue dead hang out when they're dead too, sometimes. and there are like a ton of other ways to get there, and sometimes people get there without even knowing that they did and never realize that happened.

and that the red vs blueniverse's relatively strong connection to the Multidimensional Dreamspace Network Continuum Realm (the larger space that both the Weird Meta Space of RvB and the Shitposting Rave and many other similar spaces belong to in this headcanon, stupid fancy name courtesy of yours truly) is what allows it to violate the laws of physics and stuff in zany, silly ways, and makes it diverge from the halo universe it split from. makes magic like a 1/100000000000000000000000th real there, makes reality a titch flexible.

i dunno. it's hard to explain and definitely not canon to anything, but it makes sense to me.

 

Jane Crocker absolutely ADORES cooking game shows. Obviously baking ones have a special place in her heart, but she's also very into Cutthroat Kitchen, because she finds the challenge aspect fun.

 

In the same vein, john secretly loves the great british baking challenge (especially the savory bake weeks) but wouldnt admit it under threat of death

 

Other cooking show headcanons:

Once on the surface, papyrus discovers americas test kitchen and falls in love. The precision cooking, taste testing and explaining why things taste the way they do and all the neat equipment is an endless fascination

Sans is more into julia childs and her almost bob ross like approach to cooking, he often leaves her on in the background when doing other things

Once chel escaped aperture she bought as many seasons of cake boss and similar as she could get her hands on specifically to spite glados from beyond even though she hates cake

Owen Grady unironically adores guys grocery games and diners drive ins and dives. He once paid the people in charge of the parkwide announcements to blast it on april fools day to piss clair off