sorry i don't make the rules: ridiculous/lighthearted headcanons

My favorite is the Mei one.

 

Chara can hold their breath for like ten minutes.
Relatedly, some monsters think the average human can hold their breath for ten minutes.

 

(in case you are wondering the current world record for breathholding out of water is like a little over 11 minutes ETA: and breathholding in water with breathing pure oxygen beforehand is like 22 minutes)

 

fuck, man. that's a goddamned long time, holy shit.

 

it's ridiculous

 

Seatrolls who keep stationary hives build artificial reefs around them, thus creating a habitat for edible fish and shellfish. This began in prehistory, like how farming and herding did for us earthlings, but the creation and care of reef gardens has evolved into a true art as well as simply a method for ensuring regular meals.

On Beforus, on Alternia before the exodus of adults, and on established colony planets with resident seadwellers, reef gardens could get both elaborate and enormous, since their tenders had such long lifespans. The arguably greatest reef garden ever was the tropical reef surrounding the Coral Palace, the ancient seat of empresses-a hive built as an artificial island several miles across, with rooms both below and above water level. (The Alternian version of the Palace was stripped of its riches and demolished at the planetary exodus, but the Beforan version was in use right up until the start of the sGrub session that heralded universe's end.)

 

Speaking of the Coral Palace, its abovewater kitchens were where Meenah Peixes learned to bake (and much more besides). Nobody was very keen on the Heiress doing this, as cooking in troll culture is, if not for lowbloods (there are some very snooty, very skilled blueblood gourmet chefs out there!) then definitely for landdwellers.

But Meenah Does What She Wants and honestly she has a gift for it. She'd make a tremendous (and tyrannous) Head Chef were it not for the whole imperial expectations thing.

The Condesce while on Alpha Earth never lost sight of her mission of conquest, but also really, genuinely enjoyed her work as head of Crockercorp and was very involved in the culinary R&D side as well as in administration. Betty Crocker food products were rather better quality in that universe than in our own-not because the Batterwitch had any regard whatsoever for her human consumers, but out of sheer professional pride.

 

Well now I want a Meenah Chef AU thanks

 

This is so perfect, and now I'm imagining Eridan finding a book about these old corral gardens, how magnificent and resplendent they were to behold. So he tries to make his own because That's How Things Were Done back in the day. Only he doesn't take into account that the planet has drastically different climate and ecosystems now than it did thousands of sweeps ago, so he ends up with this piddly little patch of corals, but it's his, he made it and he's proud of it anyway.

 

Meenah has made troll Alton Brown rich beyond his wildest dreams. And may have extended his lifespan so he can keep hosting troll cutthroat kitchen. Where she often guest judges.

 

PLEASE. I WANT THIS. I WANT HER JUDGING THE MARIO PARTY OF COOKING SHOWS.

 

Altohn Brouwn

 

Beat bobby flay but its meenah and if you win you die

 

At some point, someone sneaks an old console into the Yuuei Academy dorms. There will be tournaments and slice-of-life bonding. So, here are some BNHA gaming headcanons:

Midoriya is a beast at anything that requires quick thinking, and now his body can keep up with it, it's even worse. But strategy games and anything that requires lists and planning and micromanaging? Hooh boy. Everything is minmaxed into oblivion and works at maximum capacity. There are games he's banned from playing competitively in the group, because it just isn't fun to horribly lose against him. This includes Mario Party.
Uraraka started gaming as something a bit more distracting than plain reading because of constant recalculations -- you have to react to what the game throws at you -- while practicing her quirk. She'd know a wide variety of games if her parents had had the money, and so she plays stuff that didn't cost much or nothing at all (gifts, freeware, ...), and stuff that has a wide variety of modes. Since the class pools quite a few games, she can now extend her repertoire. She's also basically the only person willing to play Mario Party against Midoriya. Her all-time favourite is Katamari Damacy.
Todoroki hasn't played a single game in his life and they sort of bewilder him, until someone hands him Animal Crossing and Story of Seasons/Harvest Moon. (He can pretend he has a functioning family in those games)
Bakugo has many games he played maybe once, until he ran into difficulties, or someone beat him at it. Then he ragequit never to start again. The only game he finished was Pokémon Red.
Jirou slays at Guitar Hero and all rhythm based games. Not even Midoriya can defeat her.
Kaminari likes Guitar hero, but he's a filthy casual.
Iida considered video games to be a waste until Uraraka recommended Ace Attorney to him. He tries modelling his humor after it.
Yaoyorozu is similarly unacquainted with video games, but at some point she takes them up for material and quirk application inspiration. She likes figuring out what a material's structure would have to be like to create its effect. You know the Game Theorist with their plot speculations? Yeah, she's that, just with materials. And dissections about how physics don't work that way. She has a blog, and it has like, a million followers.
Hagakure loves Murder Mysteries, and successfully infects half of the class with it as well. They pause their video gaming to plot and enact whodunnits.
Tokoyami belongs to the Digimon divide of Digimon vs. Pokémon. He's played them all, although he will vehemently deny it.

Since they're all somewhat capable of not overdoing it, and the more reasonable gamers have no qualms about dragging the less reasonable ones away from the consoles, their marks don't suffer too much. Which is, incidentally, one of the conditions the teachers posed to turn a blind eye to this. (Present Mic gets roped into doing commentary for some of the Tournaments.)

All Might horribly fails at video games.

 

Judging by the pics we see of Eridan's hive, he seems to live in a temperate-to-cold latitude. The piddliness of his reef garden might have to do with the fact that cold-water corals don't really form reefs like their tropical cousins, but he is such an imperial history nerdlet that he HAD to try imitating the Coral Palace's gardens with entirely the wrong materials. Plus, he is still very young and he has not had the time! Corals grow slowly as fuck.

More sensible seadwellers in coldish seas don't try to create coral reefs. Which doesn't mean they aren't very artistic, just less flashy and brightly coloured. Statue gardens! Artfully displayed sunken ships! Huge skeletons from aquatic deathbeasts, first cleaned and then left to accumulate seaweed and sessile shellfish!

 

Also, ever heard of an oyster reef?

 

sans is really really quiet when walking in places that have no snow. also he is really light, being a literal skeleton, and so frequently doesn't make the creaky floorboard go creak.


also if you happen to be actually watching him enter or exit a shortcut, it feels really wrong, like watching someone lick their own elbow, while also being a headache-inducing confusing space warp thing. technically it could be used for FTL if he still had the equations he used to work out how to form the main body of the spell but gaster had them written down on a bit of paper in his jacket and so they were forgotten.

end result: living in a house with him involves lots of being accidentally jumpscared by a skeleton and/or getting headaches from sans doing things like taking 3 steps to the left and ending up 12 steps to the right and 4 backwards.
papyrus is used to it, can sense sans's magic when he's close by, and can sense the magic of the exit of the shortcut just before sans pops out so he knows to look away, and frisk (or anyone else with SAVE) could eventually learn to sense the space-time warping, but in the meantime...headaches and jumpscares.

 

alphys is actually really strong from moving around heavy lab equipment, empty mettaton body prototypes, comatose monsters, and the like.


on a related note sometimes a monster will like, deliberately gather up/hold onto a lot more magic than normal, so they can go and use strong magic more easily without having to 'charge up' or worry about running out so easily, however, having a large store of ready-to-use magic like this can result in little bits of it just. doing things. typically weak random telekinesis/setting up air currents.

this is why the wind is howling in the undyne battle. she has that much magic ready to use. that's actually how undyne was lifting those giant boulders, she has a semi-passive strength boost+all the required secondary powers thing. without that, she'd get shoved into the ground, or hurt her fingers, or just. break the boulder. alphys doesn't have that so even if they could exert the same force, undyne could safely lift a heavier thing.

she also uses this to do things like just. be immune to being shoved over. do not try to shove over undyne she will just put a bit of magic into a bracing spell thing and be unshoveable. unless you are shoving her for a shoving game in which case she will happily play along.


relatedly: monsters like roughhousing. since it's harder to accidentally injure your playmate if they're a monster, they have less inhibitions about roughhousing than humans do.

 

Despite being lazier than Zero on every conceivable front Fiethsing always wakes up early. You gotta be up early if you want to be a lazy piece of shit that wanders around and looks at rocks all day. That sleeping is precious time that could be spent studying that we're wasting.

also if you leave early enough she can't whine at you to not leave

 

Spoiler: Speculations on troll literally cutthroat kitchen

Troll cutthroat kitchen encourages actual physical fighting- but be warned, the judges go only on your food, so don't neglect your dish!

Sabotages that replace weapons become more common later on, the early seasons had a lot of chefs forgoing good cooking in favor of just maiming their opponent to make them lose. One of the all time best rated episodes is the one where the eventual winner lost their arm up to the shoulder in round 1 and used it as a surprise ingredient in their dish.