sorry i don't make the rules: ridiculous/lighthearted headcanons

SBurb's ecto-genetics, life-circumstance-choosing, and branching timelines are intentionally set up in such a way that in at least one timeline every player finds something to like about and some way to get along with every other player.

 

frisk doesn't much like being touched by other humans. they, like a lot of humans in the undertale verse, could faintly feel magic/the souls of others when touching, but just mentally bundled it in with texture even though it's a different sense; the particular combination of the magic signature of a human soul/texture/temperature that you get touching a human is somewhat unpleasant to them.

monsters, however? they'll happily cuddle with monsters!

textures they especially like include Slime Monster (so squishy!), leaves/bark (especially if they make crinkly noises) and Actual Rock. bone, fur, the vaguely plushie-like texture of a typical healthy skeleton monster in cooler climates (from the short fur that grows directly from their bones), and scales are also all good.

they do not like to cuddle mettaton. he is metal and they do not very much like metal to hug.

relatedly frisk, post-pacifist, acquires a rock collection.

also relatedly: both monster souls and human souls sort of...thrum? monster souls, you can feel it by touching the monster's chest even if you have no magic sense yourself, because the monster soul also works as the monster heart and pumps magic-based blood around their bodies (as opposed to a human's water-based blood). human souls only thrum magically and not physically. different souls have a different pattern to their thrumming, especially on the magical side. you can, if you are able to directly sense magic, memorize the way a monster's soul thrums. same with a human's. the thrumming of a human soul feels very different to the thrumming of a monster soul.

while the monster soul is also the monster heart-and unlike the human heart can still do its bloodpumping job outside the body, although not for a very long time-the human soul connects to the body via the heart, and dispenses a tiny trickle (or...not so tiny, for a few outliers like frisk) of DT into the bloodstream. as such, to someone with keen magical senses like a monster, the human heartbeat has a magical component and it sounds different depending on the human.

the result of all this of course is a Lot of the post-pacifist family listening to each other's chests. frisk is fascinated by monster biology and the monsters are fascinated by human biology. frisk's increasing magic sensitivity post-pacifist results in them eventually being able to sense the magic signatures of their family from other rooms like a monster.

 

1. The grey lost kid Gaster follower is actually an echo of young Gaster, which is why he's the only one of the group who doesn't actually mention the scientist himself!
2. Monster kid, Alphys, and Gaster are all the same kind of monster, and grow more arms as they age/power up. This is why poor Kid has no arms at all.

 

Horuss has had to point out to the Amporas numerous times why it's not appropriate to call him "Hor".

 

personally i headcanon that monster kid is a wyvern

they have no arms because they have tiny baby wings

 

monsters with no hands probably nearly always either have some other prehensile thing, or some magic they can use to manipulate objects, like telekinesis or solid, slow-moving 'bullets' or something

or both

gyftrot is very unlucky and doesn't have anything that can reach its face or back

 

This is canon (mildly NSFW).

 

Today I was suddenly hit with a mental image of the kid trolls picking up their swears from In Which Two Moirails Scandalously Far Apart On The Hemospectrum Discuss Pailing And Flatulence For Three Hours Including Several Jaunty Songs The Most Acclaimed Of Which Is "Lusus Fucker".

 

Hussie's comment about "Solluxander"'s full name was probably meant as a joke but I think it makes perfect sense; both his lusus' heads wanted to name him.

 

While it's probably not canon-compliant, I'm deeply amused by the idea of Damara and Kurloz carrying on an in-depth conversation in their respective manners about how to bring about Lord English's evil plans, throughout which neither of them has the faintest idea what the hell the other is saying.

For that matter, I'm also amused by the thought of a conversation between Damara and Mituna which consists solely of obscenities. Whether either of them successfully extracts meaning from the conversation, I don't know.

 

Completely random one I remembered today for some reason: Strexcorp from Welcome to Night Vale started as the bakery from Cookie Clicker.

 

The Amporas's wweird vwavwy accents are caused by the sound of air passing through their gills as they talk.

 

I remember a prompt from the early posts of the kinkmeme; PlushRumps is not merely a porn site, it's a massive multimedia webcomic full of elaborate animated sequences and hundreds of characters all of whom are puppets.

 

Given the phrasing this might actually be canon, but the Gem who threw a jungle gym at Steven's babysitter was Pearl. (The babysitter was unharmed, but very spooked.)

 

Harry Potter: In-universe, My Immortal exists as anti-Dumbledore propaganda.

-TVTropes WMG

Welcome to Night Vale: Khoshekh is actually Jormungandr.

One from a review of The Eye of Argon: "I wager [Grignr]’s just some farm boy who nicked arms and armour and thought being a barbarian would be cool. That would explain his utter lack of self-restraint and why he seems to be trying so damn hard to fit into the Conan stereotype. Alas, like all headcanons, that’d be far too interesting to be true."

 

Eridan used to chew the ever loving crap out of his knuckles. Most people think the absurd number of rings he wears is out of vanity, and they're half right, but they do actually serve a functional purpose as well.

 

Spoiler: Fairly dark humour

GH killed Dualscar before he finished his final joke. Condesce has been wondering over all the millennia which have passed since then what the punchline was going to be.

I debate about how good a musician I think Cronus is. My two favourite ideas are that he can play instruments wonderfully but his singing is horrible, or alternatively he's pretty good at both but all the songs he writes are self-pitying solicitation which no one will listen to.

 

The kids know of The Eye of Argon, and John offended Karkat by telling him his blood looked like an emerald.

 

I always thought the closest human equivalent to a four-quadrant blend wouldn't be human romantic love; it would be family. I don't feel like hatred and rivalry are a part of a healthy human relationship, and nor should one rely totally on one's romantic partner as emotional support. But while reproduction isn't involved, relying on a healthy family bond for support is normal, and some kind of rivalry between siblings is normal, and ideally you'd have their back in their conflicts.

 

I don't recall where I first saw it, but I adopted the headcanon that trolls have multi-layered vocal chords which can produce multiple sounds at once and their dialects rely heavily on the non-word chirps/hisses/etc. Hence, how they can pronounce their quirks; say, Vriska makes the same sound along with both "b" and the "eight" syllable.