sorry i don't make the rules: ridiculous/lighthearted headcanons

There seems to be a running gag in the Homestuck fandom that cis Dave's middle name is Elizabeth, and I really really hope that's a The Producers shoutout.

 

That's what I always assumed it was.

 

I never went quite this far, but this is how I always thought Eridan's ww/vv was pronounced. He kind of layers the same sound.

Cronus does the same with the wv/vw, but they sound really discordant and unnatural when he uses w/v heavy words, hence his greeting Meenah being awful enough for him to notice. You probably could get him to recite the 'v' monologue from V for Vendetta, if you bribed him enough and he was sure you'd hold your end, but he'd hold one hell of a grudge.

(He of course refuses to change his quirk or think about his words until after they've fallen out of his face no matter how many alliterations he stumbles into. This is Cronus we're talking about.)

 

I rewatched Chicken Run for the first time in at least ten years, and not only is it still hilarious, but I'm now pretty sure Mac and Ginger had a Thing going on.

 

The Peixes are used enough to the pressure at the bottom of the ocean that the Zahhaks can safely hug them.

 

The reason Bratty and Catty sell Mettaton's house key is that he threw it away well before getting a robot body since he could just phase through stuff and carry solid objects in his inventory so he didn't need a door. Then he got a body, realized he wouldn't be able to enter his own home, and proceeded to avoid the problem by entirely avoiding his old life.

 

Thanks to a typo on Vriska's part, the trolls didn't get to experience Nic Cage, but are now huge fans of the Murder Ballads album by Nick Cave.

 

The arrangement of relationships across the Scratch is totally different, as seen in Kankri's indifference to Meulin and Meenah and Rufioh getting along fine. Pre-Scratch Eridan and Sollux were besties and Sollux's kismesis was Aradia.

 

So I got Tales of Symphonia playable again (though my save file is long gone), and I've been keeping up a running commentary to @keltena in Discord because I am the kind of person who does that, and I had a thought the other day:

Spoiler: spoilers for the obligatory Big Mid-Game Tales Twist

[8:06 PM] LadyNighteyes: okay so I have a Proposal
[8:06 PM] LadyNighteyes: Remiel is a half-elf, right?
[8:07 PM] LadyNighteyes: And we repeatedly see that it's possible to ID half-elves on sight.
[Digression about the extreme inconsistency of this in the storyline because Symphonia has Many plot holes]
[8:09 PM] LadyNighteyes: So what if
[8:09 PM] LadyNighteyes: he has been permanently placed on Chosen-schmoozing duty because he's the most human-passing angel they have who can actually act?
[8:09 PM] Keltena: Hahahahahaha
[8:09 PM] Keltena: He must be so sick of it.
[8:09 PM] LadyNighteyes: EXACTLY.
[8:09 PM] LadyNighteyes: That's why he goes full supervillain for his boss fight.
[8:09 PM] Keltena: "[deadpan] My beloved daughter, Colette."
[8:09 PM] Keltena: "(god I do not get paid enough for this)"
[8:10 PM] LadyNighteyes: He has spent MILLENNIA having to act wise and beneficent to stupid humans while they run Lord Yggdrasill's weird obstacle course. :::PPP

 

A scene in Hivefled that is also my canon headcanon; Terezi attempted to teach Dave to smell in colour... by jamming crayons up his nose.

 

The monster internet and the human internet are actually really different.

The human internet is, well, the internet.

The monster internet is more like if something like PirateBox with really good meshing came installed with almost every device and supported up to three different networks at once on the same device (if it was high-end).

Monster phone signals piggyback on the UnderNet, although there are dedicated phone nodes throughout the Underground.

Frisk's phone doesn't get any signal past the Core because Alphys forgot to turn an option on and so it doesn't use all the protocols available, which is fine in most places but New Home uses basically only that specific protocol for the main mesh. And no way was Frisk going to go mucking around in their phone's undernet settings to connect with networks with names like StreamingMewMew2 or PrivateNetwork5 or turn on random stuff under Advanced Settings.

On a related note, the monsters have a lot of difficulty understanding the human internet. Okay, this is how you download from a node, but...how do you share? How do you set up a streaming mesh? How do you set up a group chat on its own little network? What is an ISP? Are they tech support? How come you have to pay so much money to download stuff off the mesh? I brought internet for my phone, why is it still not sending and receiving calls and texts?

And so on.

 

Back when Squidbiscuit was still into Homestuck, they did a picture of troll John with a giant cake as a lusus. I now headcanon that Alternia is home to giant round sweet-tasting ambulatory fungi which grow back their eaten bits.

 

Before Kurloz lost his tongue, he talked even more than Kankri does.

 

In every timeline and every AU, Karkat's attempt to explain quadrants to John will be met with some variation of the line "ha-ha, you said flush".

 

Multiple timelines are probably only supposed to happen within SBurb, but they are a known theory of real-world physics. Taking that into account, we can theorise that it’s possible the genetics in the ecto-lab can be slightly different in different timelines and retroactively create new timelines in the in-comic “real” world in each one. Thus, every appearance headcanon is valid. QED.

 

When Equius chose his Trollian name, he hadn't yet studied up on musclebeasts as much as he has now, and troll anatomy is so different from mammal anatomy that he didn't know what a testicle was beyond "something my favourite animals have". He was the last of the group to find out. Nobody had the heart to tell him they know, so he kept the name on the assumption that they didn't.

 

Since it's technically a (cross)bow and arrow(s), Equius would totally adore and be unstoppable with a Piecemaker and it would stand up to his STRENGTH much better than a normal bow and arrow.

 

There is a crossover fanfic with this premise

 

Show me!

 

Found it here!

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