sorry i don't make the rules: ridiculous/lighthearted headcanons

Me:
one last thing tho
Yk when jecht met braska and auron after being arrested?
p sure that wasn't so much for talking blasphemy as abt being drunk and aggressive. given the sin toxin, ppl every so often just show up talking rubbish. most of them however don't try to punch ppl who tell them that they're talking blasphemous rubbish and also just puked in the middle of the street.

@Pumpkageist:
lol
thought so too

Me:
you told a nun to 'kiss your ass', jecht. in front of everyone. then you tried to fight a pissed off warrior monk who came to her rescue. you kicked him in the nuts and called him a pansy. then you threw up on historic architecture. i agree that yevon is an oppressive theocracy but that is not why they have a problem with you.

@Pumpkageist:
lol drunks
jecht is every douchey txt frm last night

Me:
yeeeep.

 

Honestly it never even occurred to me that Jecht might not have been in jail for being drunk and disorderly.

 

Trolls are technically omnivorous but have shorter intestinal tracts than humans and are better suited to eat meat. They can digest almost any part of an animal, and can process fruit sugars with no problem, hence Terezi's love of fruit flavours, but high-fibre stuff like grains and leafy vegetables gives them trouble. Troll bread is made of ground-up bug shells instead of grain flour.

 

What's the texture of troll bread like? Since human bread gets a lot of its texture from the gluten...

 

I dunno, ask the people who really use bug flour.

 

I think that's for mixing into stuff though, not actually for using to make bread or noodles on its own?

 

Animorphs: Cassie's name is actually short for Cassiopeia. (This headcanon may have something to do with the tortoise in Momo.)

 

Spoiler: My Hero Academia

Okay so in the third year we have The Big Three, the hottest hot shots to ever shoot. In the first year we have class 1-A, who are nightmare children. I don't know who is in second year. Was this the year where Aizawa expelled a whole class? God, I bet it was. Look there's only like twenty students in the second year at UA right now and they're real nervous.

Spoiler: Unrelated but still MHA

The common room in the student dorm has one couch for Being Sad On. Then Hagakure wore a post-it note with a sad face scribbled on it and it turned into a whole system. Blue Post-it for "attention plz", Red Post-it for "leave me alone", Green post-it for "sick and/or achey". Unfortunately Deku will probably need that last one a lot once the weather turns, permanent joint damage + cold is probably a bad combo.

Spoiler: Also unrelated, still MHA

I have decided that nobody talked Aizawa into being a teacher or anything. He was out on patrol one chilly night and saw some fledgling hero completely botch the job, again. So then he decides that clearly if this is what the school has been graduating, there's a problem. So one morning he just waltzes into class and declares himself the new homeroom teacher. Anyone opposed to this course of action is gently but firmly hurled out a window. Aizawa planned for it only to be a one day thing, but wow these kids need help. Who was teaching them. Was that Moonstalker? Moonstalker can't teach out a paper bag. Well too bad, this is Aizawa's class now.

Nedzu has a teaching license quietly mailed to Aizawa because this is clearly the most exciting thing since poached eggs.

 

FFXV- Ravus Nox Fleuret is an unironic Evanescence megafan. Lunafreya either sent him the link to the fanfic "My Immortal" once, knowing he'd flip his shit, or originated a widely-believed internet rumour that he wrote it.

 

Coming out of an extended discussion in my seatroll Discord server:

Eridan with a new England accent (from Worchester probably) and Feferi is a South Jersey girl.

Alternatively: Eridan and Cronus are both faking the other's natural accent bc they each grew up where the other wanted to grow up. The idea being Eridan is trying to affect a more posh and refined manner of speaking while Cronus wants to sound rough and tough like a badass greaser. Which led me to Londoner Cronus "call me Harry Potter one more time" Ampora butchering an attempt at Lancashire, meanwhile Eridan has spent years practicing received pronunciation and is mortified when one of his old mates from Manchester recognises him and starts trying to flag him down.

 

Fushigi Neko no Kyuu-chan is an Espurr.

 

celeste's badeline appears to have slit pupils like a cat

imagine her getting really excited or something and just
giant-but-normal-looking pupils

or if she's in a dark room and you turn on the lights


incidentally she has fantastic night vision

EDIT: you know how if you turn the lights on suddenly on a cat, or sometimes if they're really excited/happy, their eyes are like 90% pupil? badeline's eyes do that
also if she's really excited/happy in bright rooms, as a direct result of this, she tends to squint a lot

she can force it to not happen, eg if she is outside on a sunny day above the snowline, but Effort

 

Also

Badeline is totally the part of Madeline that eats the baking ingredients like a gremlin

And strawberry tops

Left unsupervised she'd do stuff like eat a spoonful of baking powder just to see what it tastes like, and regret existence
she won't eat like, poison or whatever, but not much actual baking/cooking gets done

 

more badeline headcanons: she doesnt sleep

like she can sleep and probably should sleep at least occaisionally but she just gets by on secondhand sleep from madeline

this is why her towerfall icon is...like that

 

One from the Disney comics section:

 

Real-person headcanon; the constant food descriptions in the Redwall series were at least partly Mr Jacques' way of trying to get his pre-teen readers to want to eat vegetables. If not his idea, then that was a reason his editor left them all in.

 

I have wondered for some time about Why There Are No Male Viera and have at last come to an Occam's razor explanation: because there are no female viera either.

Rather, they're all hermaphrodites. No, not intersex, I am not being rude. Actual hermaphrodites.

They retain their 'male' anatomy internally, where it's safe, so even when they're wearing tight clothing around the crotch you won't see a bulge unless...you know...they're horny. And they have breasts because, well, babies need milk.

The other races of Ivalice assume them to be female, and the viera aren't really bothered about correcting that assumption, so it persists. And not many people from other races have either had sex with, dissected, or given a gynaecological examination to a viera-especially in the Ivalice of FFXII, where viera are extremely isolationist.

I'm afraid there is absolutely a history of viera taking partners from other races who then react very very badly and sometimes violently when they see the viera's genitals. This understandably makes most viera think twice before dating outside their species. Still, not everyone is a Huge Asshole and there are also quite a few viera who've had good sexual relationships with members of other races. Fran, for one.

 

Ash Ketchum is really good at languages

like

give him the right resources and a week and he can muddle his way through conversations sounding like Thing Explainer

that's why there never seems to be any language barrier issues; it's not an 'everyone is speaking the same language everywhere' thing it's an 'Ash is a polyglot' thing

 

Racist Funetik Aksents in the English printing aside, not shown in this scanlation, I love the idea in the old 1940s Disney comics about how Jose and Panchito hated each other when they first met. Also in my head the girl is totally uninterested in both of them and they're projecting their UST with each other onto her.

 

When sans explains blue attacks with the stop sign metaphor, it's because he is trying to describe the mechanics of a deceptively complex magic to a child and it comes out really awkward