sorry i don't make the rules: ridiculous/lighthearted headcanons

Those little rocks are actually Diglett's lumpy/spiky gastropod-like "foot".

 

Trolls are faceblind and tell each other apart visually by horn shape, which is why it's so easy for Joey to pass without even using grey paint.

 

Equius has accidentally performed identity fraud....

 

I like this as a partial explanation of the portal.

 

It's specified in one D&D adventure path I've read through that the city guard intentionally stages bar brawls to test the ability of new adventurers to fight skilfully and non-lethally, and I like to think this is the case in every D&D bar.

 

Typically in fanon, troll tits serve a practical purpose - venom sacs, noise-amplifiers, armour (though that one's a horrible idea)... Logically, I feel this means male trolls' beards (which we know exist from Karkat's posters and some of the teen trolls having sideburns) ought to serve some useful purpose as well. Maybe they're actually very thin tentacles they can grow super long and pick things up with. Either that or, by the fan theories I've seen that all trolls have breasts and the guys' ones just happen to be concealed, all trolls should be able to grow beards. Feferi would look badass with a big fluffy Gandalf beard, I think!

 

The idea that socks with sandals are a signal that a troll is a member of the rebellion actually works pretty well with what we know of Alternia's climate, which is that it's very hot and rainy. Sandals let your feet get wet, socks trap the water and get soggy and gross in the heat, so it's the worst of both worlds, so only trolls with something to signal would want to wear them! Also, those who aren't in the know don't tend to pay attention to strangers' feet.

 

Doc Scratch totally does Lord Vetinari's line of "I shall deal with the matter momentarily", relying on people not daring to ask if he means he'll deal with it now or deal with it briefly.

 

Looking up some stuff about pearls, and apparently the Tears of all Oceans couldn't have been oyster pearls, because oysters don't naturally make pink ones. Natural pink pearls in stores come from freshwater mussels. However, conch pearls are bright pink, can be enormous, and are much much rarer than oyster pearls and thus even more attractive to pirates, so I think I need to remake my mental image of the Tears.

 

Twelve is a recurring number in Homestuck - twelve official blood castes, twelve aspects, twelve non-master classes - so I wonder if it would make sense for trolls to have twelve fingers. One AU - Homeverse - has it so instead they have three main digits on each hand/foot, plus thumbs which they don't count, and I think some variation on that is a pretty neat idea.

 

Carapaces with jointed jaws look wrong to me and I can't figure out any way they could open wide enough for "HB: Attempt to eat Eggs" to work, but carapace chitin isn't flexible enough to work like skin, so now I'm picturing them with flip-up faces opening on big maws like SU Alexandrite.

 

Aranea's specific phrasing of leprechauns reproducing "homosexually" and not "hermaphroditically" implies there is an option of heterosexuality that just doesn't work reproductively for them, so theoretically there are female leprechauns. If there are, they might be pink, since the male ones are green and associated with the green moon.

 

The Soleils might be bilaterally gynandromorphic.

 

Okay, so, Marvus' horns flip sides between games. It could be a joke on the sprite flipping, but with everything else weird about him, I wonder if they're prosthetics. I thought for a while he might have little nubs underneath them, but Karkat has nubby horns and doesn't wear prosthetics despite desperately wanting to seem normal, so what reason would he have for wearing them? I think he's either a mutant or a concealed human, and he has no horns at all.

 

Not so much a headcanon as an observation I had to share, but -

Desire of the Endless is a middle child. No wonder they're Like That.

 

From TVTropes:

 

Apparently, according to the comics, some of the TF2 mercs are sex offenders. The tone of canon is such that I don't think they did anything really serious, so I think it's probably meant to cover Soldier repeatedly trying to fight naked, Medic giving people superfluous reproductive organs (technically sexual, right?), and Sniper's public urination.

 

At LEAST once one of the Hermitcraft members has made a comment about getting some extra eyes on their build, only to come back later to find their build has been decorated with old versions and spares of Iskall and Doc's cybernetic eyes. Or Cleo's array of various forms of sculpture eyes.

 

I'm fairly certain the Jurassic World franchise was going to reveal that the Indo dinosaurs had human DNA and then scrapped that but left in the foreshadowing, because they have opposable thumbs.

 

Ingo & Emmet from Pokemon BW are both big fans of The Talking Heads and They Might Be Giants