Stories About Pets

nah, she just suddenly appears whenever we cook pork. also, whenever anyone gets home & they have raw pork in the shopping bags, even though it's completely sealed. we have not figured this out, since she shows no interest in the shopping unless there's pork.
although, there was the time i hid a bit of porkchop on a plate under the couch to see if she could find it (the answer is yes, yes she could. scarily fast)
so i guess yes, under very specific circumstances?

 

Husband examines one of the "This part of the house is Not For Puppies" gates, which has a new, soccer-ball-sized dent in the metal mesh.

"What the hell, dog!"
"Oh, no, that was Zee doing exactly what he's supposed to."
"Breaking the gate?"
"Breaking the gate down because he didn't recognize the dog sitter's car and/or the way he opened the door (I talk to them through the door) and charging at the 'invader' with guns blazing."
"Oh, shit. Did he...?"
"Nope, as soon as he smelled the dog sitter he chilled right the hell out."
"Oh good."
"Well, sort of. Apparently <Sitter> had been startled enough to drop the house keys and Zee stole them and played keep-away for the next 20min until he was bribed with chicken liver."
"Of course he did."
"So yeah, he can break as many gates as he wants in that situation."
"Yep." Husband then goes into kitchen to give Zee ear scratchies. Zee is ecstatic.

 

Here's a little study of a kitten playing with yarn:

 

The Almighty Fattest was intensely displeased by Human With Needles #3 interrupting her Female Human's Awkward Veterinary Floor Naptime.

Growling at Human With Needles #3 proves ineffective and wakes Female Human. Loud barking and a short, waddling charge appears sufficient to convince Human With Needles #3 to fuck right the hell off and close the door.

Female Human is laughing. Laughing is good. Female Human requires snuggles. Why is Human With Needles #3 coming back? Why is she laughing? This is suboptimal.

Yes, The Almighty Fattest is feeling better. Your services are no longer required.

Why is Female Human helping Human With Needles #3?! BETRAYAL!!!! Must sulk for rest of visit.

(I think she's ready to leave, whether she's fully healed or not)

 

Once (and only once) my cat brought me her kill.

It was a pound of ground beef that had been thawing in a sink upstairs.

I assume her logic was "I cannot open this, perhaps the large one can and then we can share."

Anyway we both learned a lesson: she doesn't bring me things she wants to eat and I leave meat to thaw in the (cold) oven.

 

That is adorable <3

 

We used to have pet rats!

Our rat timeline went like:

Spoiler: lengthy rat history

First two ladies: Twitchers and Nougat, who lived to be old lady rats. Cute-but-;_; story: Twitchers pulled a towel into the cage to put on Nougat like a blanket when Nougat was old and sick. Even though Nougat was kind of mean and had taken a piece out of her ear, what sweeties. They'd sit in your sleeve like "ah yes I'm secure and with my Large Friend *brux brux brux*" and I still have the old hoodie at home with chew marks on the inside of the hood where Twitchers decided it was a good idea to investigate.

Second pair: Zelda and Toffee, who were probably sisters. Toffee got some kind of neurological thing and would corkscrew when she walked, and she died kind of young :( and so we got...
Dora, a dumbo who idk I forget how well Zelda got along with her. And when Zelda was getting old enough that we were like "alright time to get Dora a friend so she won't be too bereft", we gooooot....

A smol hooded girl named Sandy, who we spotted in the males cage at the pet store and innocently pointed her out like "Oh, she shouldn't be in there! We'll take her~" My mom's theory is they were trying to breed free stock for snake food or something. And yeah, while I was away at summer camp she had twelve babies. Twelve tiny babs! In a travel cage in the corner of my brother's room, because we kind of lied to my dad about our first rats so he was like "stop getting rats??? don't do it lol" but. we did it lmao. And we kept aaaaalll twelve. I think they were....

Spots and Loblaws, the only girls. Spots had, well, spots instead of a solid stripe on her back. Loblaws after, y'know, the grocery chain. Their less-fancy house brand is called No Name, and I couldn't think of a name for her. I think Spots got out and started exploring under my bed when she was a wee bab the size of a mouse, and in the process of catching her again we kind of traumatized her? :( sorry tiny rat bab

And then the boys, who we definitely kept in too small of a space. They were divided into three cages, I think, but that still wasn't enough room. There was Africa, whose markings kinda looked like the continent. Rattus, whose markings looked like... a rat. Costco, because then there was a theme with Loblaws. Sam, and Buddy, who was the sweetest rat friend and loved hanging out with people. Buddy figured out how to open his cage and would sit on top of it, waiting for my mom to come by and play with him. After a couple times she took a paper clip and twisted it around the door to lock it, and he just looked at it like "Oh. :(" and didn't try that again.

edit: My brother supplied one of the names I'd forgotten: Duke! The tiniest duke, a chill rat bro.

I don't think I remember the other 5 boys' names, which is a shame. That was definitely a case of too many pets to really bond with them all, unfortunately. Oh well, I guess? Uh, trying to make this a happy story, they were really cute. And maybe a bit overcrowded but definitely not lonely.

Anyway I kind of want to get a couple of rat friends but I don't think I could reliably clean up after them, bluh. I want to ask my mom if she can dig out any of the pictures we took, because dang I kind of miss them.

 

finally, one year later, a bird option is added
lil bro replaced me with a bird when i left for cool leg her name is belle and she is a budgie

 

kitties are finally here, and the only thing i have to say is...


garrus wont stop chewing on my pencils.

 

Spoiler: Parents pet(s) because I don't have any

Beaux, the lab mix, is a massive doof who is obsessed with tennis balls. He likes to flick them all under the couch and then whine at the humans to fetch them for him.
The cat is Duke who's kind of a loner but super sweet once he warms up to you.

Not pictured are Oakley, a lab/rottie mix who can be kind of a bully but is ultimately chickenshit and scared of the humans with loud voices who are upset when he snaps at beaux.
Ringo, standoffish tabby cat.
And Frankie, the turtle shell calico they've had since I was little and she's like 15 at this point and a grumpy old lady with diabetes but I love her despite that. Frankie is named after my dad Frank because she looked sort of like a clown as a kitten and dad used to be a clown. At least that's the story I was told.

 

Making Fun Of Dogs: The Musical

AVI lets ZEE into the KITCHEN from OUTSIDE

AVI: Are you done being a mud puppy?

ZEE dances around like an IDIOT

AVI (in ZEE Voice): No! I am the Mud Puppy!

ZEE continues to dance

AVI (in ZEE Voice) singing: I am the Mud Puppy! I am the muddiest puppy forever! FIVE-EVER! Because it makes me HAPPYYYYYY to be the Mud PUPPYYYYYYYYY!!

ZEE picks up the PILLOW and tosses it into the air, so that it SPINS, and spins in a circle himself

AVI laughing: THE MUDDIEST PUPPYYYYYY!!