Suicidal Friend [All the Trigger Warnings]

I've been silent the past few days because I was way too stressed out and spoonless.

Today was the first day since this mess began that I haven't seen Gui in person at all. It was actually difficult for me. First because I kinda feel I must constantly be assured that he's still here with us, so I wanna be around him to see him and hear his voice. Second because, to be honest, the emotional drain this whole thing has put on me has resulted in me... temporarily losing some coping skills I think? I've been having a harder time being all alone in the house than I'd had in a long time. I did cheer myself up by buying groceries and some tins to use in craft projects which I however don't want to do now. And I did play lots of Dragon Age and that helps. Tomorrow morning I have class, and then... I don't know.

Come to think of it, it's obvious I'm losing some Being On My Own skills during this period. I haven't had a single day in over a week in which I got to decide everything that was going to happen on my own. I've been constantly needing to call the guys so we could all decide together what each of us was going to do next. This itself can be agonizing because I've lived alone for almost five years now and obviously that means I'm used to making my own plans with little to no outside input, and also to have more alone time than I've been having.

 

@wixbloom I'm just gonna give you more internet hugs. Once again, you got my email if you need it.

 

A final (at least for now) status update:

Gui is doing okay. He's out of danger, thank fuck, and life is back to normal. He got a job - actually a couple of jobs! - and has some goals again and is making some plans for his life and generally seems a lot more motivated and structured.

Last week he said he can't thank me enough for all the support I gave him through this shitty ordeal. We hugged. We held hands a bit on the bus and I watched all the flowers in bloom outside the window.

I extend my friend's thank-yous to you guys: thanks to every single person who replied, messaged me, chatted with me, emailed me. Your support helped me stay strong, and me staying strong helped my friend stay alive.

Thank you. Thank you.