Super General Advice (the thread for advice without making a thread)

What are some disability-associated symbols? The only one I know about for sure is the rainbow infinity sign for autism/neurodiversity, but I'm looking for more along the same lines. Like, symbols used by the community of people with that disability to self-identify. Or, disability-community-identifying symbols that people within that community don't find offensive, at least.

 

I bought underwear that's the same size as the ones I'm wearing right now with no problem, but the new ones are at least one size too small. WTF? Does this happen to anyone else?

 

Yes. Yes it does and I wish sizing was consistent across brands and seasons TuT

 

With my diet thing, I know it's better to make small changes at first and then bigger ones, but how small is "small"? I'm cutting out fried food completely and cutting down on chocolate and sugary drinks without cutting them out entirely yet, is that enough to go with for a month or so before worrying about bigger changes? I'm keeping up with about as much exercise as I think I physically can do at the moment, so that's another change and I think I'm doing enough there.

 

I can't say what precisely is "small" for you in particular, but I'd say a good point to aim for would be as much improvement as you can get without making the basic process of eating food and going about your day significantly more complex or unpleasant. And also to bear in mind that you're trying to figure out what works for you, so if one thing proves to be a lot harder than you anticipated, you're allowed to drop or loosen that rule and pick different ones.

 

It sounds good. Don't beat yourself up if cravings get so bad that you cave. You just start again, acknowledging that it's to be avoided but expected. If you find yourself failing to hold to the diet too often, it's not sustainable and you'll need to make adjustments.

Once you're used to not having so much sugar, try sugar-fasts. No sugary drinks, even fruit juice, nothing sweet. I'm not sure if you want to try cutting out bread and fruit, or just pastry and processed fruit. (Maybe eat like a type 1 diabetic.) Do it for a couple days, then a week, and gradually work up to over a month. In that time, you should want sugar less often, and your tastebuds will start changing.

 

Does anyone have advise for being concise when speaking and writing?

I have difficulty condensing my thoughts especially if it is a situation where I feel there are multiple points to be addressed, in addition to any feelings I have to express on top of that. I tend to focus on everything somewhat like one does in debate — like, every word in every sentence is a point, and should be addressed/responded to.

It has been brought to my attention that I tend to write essays (I don’t think they qualify as essays, per say, but but I do write a lot... as I am doing here) and this can (implied: definitely will) cause me to lose my audience, which bothers me especially if I am talking about an issue that is important to me, or when I am trying to debug/work out conflict with other people. So. Does anyone have advice? TIA

 

I tend to just write up a thing in a first draft first and then go through the bitch. I chop out redundant things and I go as sparse as possible on detail a lot of the time. Like if I spent a good deal of time rambling on about like how this one angle in some scene meant a thing I drop that entire bit. Just. Outright. It's gone. But first I gotta write out the thing to get a better idea of what I want to actually say and that lets me figure out what is actually needed to be said to be understood and concise. I also try to make sure that I cut out bits that require technical knowledge on the part of the audience to understand. Or I at least edit that in a fashion where the audience will no longer need to have read 20000 film studies essays to understand the point.

For speaking I...don't have advice unfortunately. But for writing, if I am working on summaries, I basically get a rough draft going first, find my actual point, and then begin chopping shit out and combining sentences.

 

I am probably not the best person to give advice on being concise, since it's something I do automatically. But anyway, here's what I do:

• figure out points in advance, either by writing down an outline, or by reviewing in my head
• prioritize those points, including thinking about why they matter
• don't explain too much to start with. people will ask questions if you don't say enough, but they will tune out if you say too much

There are two main parts to being concise: knowing what you want to say before you start saying it, and having faith in your audience to figure out what you mean.

 

Also do you mean just in general conversation or in more formal settings? You tend to write quite formally from all I've seen, and don't use contractions very often. This can result in things coming across as very academic, and academic writing tends to be rather dense. Thirding the tips above c:

 

I agree with Aon for writing. I rarely write anything formal in one go, or on the first try. I’ll write multiple versions, or bits and pieces that I will later rework. I’ll frequently rewrite from the beginning (or beginning of the current section) and try it again.

I keep all my previous work. If I’m writing in a notebook I’ll skip down a few lines or to the next page, then copy over the parts I’m keeping with my new changes instead of erasing or tearing anything out. It’s easier on a word processor because I can copy and paste.

Writing helps me get my thoughts in order and figure out what points I want to make. Once I’ve written to think, I can then rewrite to communicate those thoughts.

For me, speaking and writing can really benefit each other. If I’m having trouble writing about a topic, I may have luck talking it out. (If I can discuss it with a friend, I also get feedback on it.) If I’m trying to prepare a speech about a topic and I’m stuck on that, writing about it sometimes helps.

If you’re doing this in an academic setting, they may have a writing center where you can take your work and get help with things like editing.

Like so many things in life, essays and speeches are skills, and they will improve with study and practice. Way back in the day when I had a livejournal, I found my speed and comfort with essays improved dramatically because I spent so much free time putting my thoughts into written form for other people to read. Conversational writing in a chat format does not give me the same benefit, but forum posts absolutely do.

As for public speaking, that’s a little harder to practice casually, but every time you tell someone a story or a long form joke, you’re doing the basics. You’re verbally communicating information in a logical sequence to get something across to another person. A speech is like a story, or a joke where you build up to a point instead of a punchline. If your points are chosen deliberately and delivered in a logically organized way so that they follow naturally and each move you a step further towards your endpoint, it will be a much easier experience for both you and your audience.

 

@Aondeug editing! I always forget to edit. I have a tendency to be redundent and that definitly makes everything thing um, longer. Thanks for the reminder.

(boldimg mine) thanks for pointing this out — I really, really need to work on this. I think I anticipate being misunderstood and then go overboard trying to making everything clear.

More casual settings. In formal/academic settings I am generally okay. It’s in interpersonal communication where I think it really becomes an issue (and where I tend to care more about people understanding what I am trying to say)

@Verily Thanks!

 

I realize this might be a long shot but does anyone know of any resources for learning basque? I have found vocab lists and examples of sentences and guides to some basic sentence construction but nothing on how to say, for example, “What is your favorite color?” (For reference my current best guess is “Zer zure kolore gogoko zara?” But maybe bc its a question the structure shifts? Idk if Im using zure right? And let alone the issue of “is this even how somebody would word the question”)

 

@LumiLapin this is a link to a ton of different grammar PDFs, if you go to the "Other" section they have several books on Basque https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Pm5DgjZ8enN1PRvk7P3twK9EJumfsZK_lqZB1U9UxfQ/edit

 

Hey, does anyone know how to write an email to contact a new therapist you think you want to start seeing? On previous occasions I think I've just called them to schedule a first appointment, but this particular therapist says she'll reply quicker to email, so I guess I gotta email her.

Some sites I've visited have recommended that, in that introductory email, I should talk about What My Problem Is and then ask them if they think they can help with it. Or like, if they have any experience dealing with that particular problem. But like, if I'm gonna do that, how deep into it should I go?? Is it............socially acceptable or at all appropriate to dump your whole life story on a therapist who hasn't even agreed to work with you yet? Like, I don't know how to just, Disclose What My Problem Is without sharing way more information than I'd ever give a stranger in any other context. And yet that's what the sites tell me I should do. So that this therapist can know upfront whether or not they'd be able to help me.

????? What's an email to a new therapist supposed to look like...

 

If you're more comfortable talking on the phone, maybe you could write a more general email about the vague type of thing you're looking for (for example, CBT and someone with experience working with [condition(s)]), saying you'd feel more comfortable discussing this over the phone, and requesting a time you could call to ask a few questions and discuss setting up an appointment.

 

I'm not sure that I'm more comfortable over the phone...even if I did say that I had more experience with it... I think it's just that being on the phone forces me to Just Say Something and Get It Over With, and thus limits the amount of time I spend anxious about it. I just need the initial boost of courage to make the phone call, and then (assuming the other person picks up) I can just stutter and mumble my way through until the phone call is over, usually.

That doesn't work as well if I need to write an email and schedule something in order to make the phone call happen to begin with...at that point I think just emailing would be easier for me.

Also, my problem is that I don't really know what vague type of thing I'm looking for? I just know What My Problem Is; I don't know what might or might not fix it. Also not sure which, if any, of my Conditions are relevant. Like, I guess a lot of the things I'm bothered with are results of being depressed for a long time, but........I'm not depressed currently......................so is there really a point in me going to see a therapist................(maybe there isn't, but I don't really know how ELSE to deal with my personal problems that cause me trouble in my daily life, so I'd prefer to just keep paying a therapist to talk to me.)

 

My non-expert suggestion: outline the general things you'd like to work on and some of the particular Life Problems you'd like to solve, but don't go into any more detail than you need to to get the gist of Your Problem across. Backstory and additional complicating factors can wait for when you've got an appointment; right now you're just trying to give them enough information to tell if their expertise is in the same ballpark as what you need.

 

I'd write something along the lines of "Dear (name), I'm in the market for a new therapist and I was interested in seeing you because (you have good reviews/you were recommended to me/you specialize in a thing I need treatment for). I'm not quite sure what course of treatment would be best for me, so in our initial appointment I'd like to get your opinion on the best path to take. Do you have any appointments available on (date range, days, or time of day that's best for you)? Thank you, and I look forward to seeing you." Maybe with a note about your particular plans for payment (insurance, out of pocket, etc) if that's relevant. Personally I wouldn't go into a ton of detail about your condition or needs over email just because that's generally something that's part of your first appointment and many therapists won't be comfortable taking protected health information over email, but if you're not sure exactly what conditions you have going on (which is not uncommon) you can briefly list the particular concerns you may have. Plenty of people with no mental illnesses at all see therapists for things like career stress, relationship issues, and just general life changes - they're there to help you work out your personal problems no matter what the cause.