Super General Advice (the thread for advice without making a thread)

poor plumbing is their own fault (although they will claim you did a bad thing that made it break). Vases that break and cause damage they can blame you for directly. Pets - might cause indirect damage that they might not be able to blame you for.

 

Their thinking is reduce the amount of possible damage that they will have to pay to fix. "No pets" is easier than "but it was an unforeseeable accident" argument and court case.

 

Ohhh makes sense thank you

 

YW :) Ancient Guardian's Dad used to own apartments in a New England city and still makes big stinks about the stuff he had to pay for - yeah, he would not be the landlord you would want, but serves as a good example of a bad landlord and what kind of poop they do to avoid paying costs of being a landlord.

 

In my experience, if it says "no pets" and doesn't specify otherwise, it's reasonable to ask if that includes fish or anything small that lives in a cage (rodents and reptiles, small birds like budgies). Some people are like Lyssa mentioned, others don't want to have to deal with things like lots of pee on the carpet, animal bites, and other things you're unlikely to get from a fish or a gecko.

 

@sirsparklepants @Chiomi thank you! might test these out this week

 

Be aware that it is actually illegal (I believe on the federal level) to refuse to allow a documented service animal, including emotional support animals. I don't really recommend it but, if your doctor/therapist is willing, it's pretty easy to get paperwork that says you need to have x pet. (Source: I just started working as an apartment manager and the previous manager told me many people did that to get around the no dogs rule) In our case the reason for that rule is that the apartments are small and dogs are much louder pets than say cats, so they're more likely to cause noise policy violations.

I'd say it's definitely worth asking about smaller pets, especially if (since you mentioned reptiles) it's something like a lizard in a dry tank that is highly unlikely to cause any sort of problem ever, afaik.

 

There really isn't a system of documenting service animals (and anyone that offers to sell you documentation is a scam artist). You hav to fight them in court if they refuse to accomodate them. It is actually illegal for them to ask anything more than "what service does the animal provide".

 

Is one of the things that makes having a service animal so hard - so many people know that they are not required to provide any evidence so they put poodly put in a vest and say "oh she's a service dog" and know that the law doesn't allow much more questions.
HOWEVER - the animal has to be well trained (no pooping on the carpet, no barking at people, etc) - an animal that does not behave properly can be evicted - but that's an after-the-fact action and a pain for everyone involved

 

service animals do not even need to wear a vest, it's just a good idea to put one on them to give the clueless people a hint that maybe they shouldn't try to pet your seeing-eye dog while he's watching out for stuff in your way (not that people actually pay attention)

 

https://www.ada.gov/service_animals_2010.htm

 

How do you start packing to move before it's panic crunch time? Roomies started bits and pieces of their stuff a week or two ago, and I boggled at them.

At first I was like, "it won't be real until we hear back from the landlord, I'll start then." We didn't have spare boxes anyway, so my ability to pack was limited.

Then we heard back, and it still seemed unreal to me, and I found myself thinking, "okay, once we sign the lease and have copies of the keys, I'll know I can bring loads of stuff, I'll start then."

We sign lease and get keys tomorrow, so I'm already coming up on it... But answers might benefit others, and be helpful to me some move down the road.

 

I curl up in a ball hugging the nearest soft thing and let caretakers deal with it. ... probly not helpful :)

 

Oh, I can help with this! I just finished moving and I did a lot of prep work for it.

Basically, it's a process that involves some organization. I ended up making a chart with three columns: "things I use daily", "things I use weekly", and "things I use monthly". You don't have to list every item you own separately, unless the usage timeline is different for a specific item in a category (for example: I use pots and pans daily, but my muffin pan monthly). Just "winter clothes" or "fidget toys" or "dishes" are fine.

Once you've done that, you may have some things that don't fit into any of the three categories, like decorations. That's cool, if you don't actively use those items even monthly, then those are totally okay to pack first and unpack last. Start thinking about the supplies you'll need to transport everything safely - boxes, tape, padding maybe. Then think about how you'll acquire them. Then you can start packing.

Basically, you want to work your way through the chart backwards. Pack the things you use less than monthly first, then the monthly stuff, and then, about a week before your move, the weekly stuff. To make unpacking easier on you, you can label the boxes as weekly or monthly as well as the room they go in, to sketch unpacking less of a hassle. Your dailies will require a bit more planning.

About a week before you move, go through each item on your dailies list and pull out an amount from that category that it would be reasonable for you to use for ten days. I packed my basic toiletries and a week or two's worth of clothes in a suitcase so they were easily accessible, and bought paper and plastic dishes so that I could still eat while packing my actual dishes away. I kept out one pot and one pan but also stocked up on freezer meals since most of my kitchen stuff would be packed.

After you have your reasonable ten days of dailies (a few more days than you have left for the move so you don't have to go through boxes looking for essentials), start packing your items in daily categories. The one exception to the categories rule is cleaning supplies - if you're renting you'll want to leave those until the end, because your landlord will expect the property to be very clean when you leave.

This got long but moving is a long process. If you have more time and more spoons you can compress the process down, time frame wise, but this is how to break it down into the smallest, most manageable steps I can, and the chart gives you a checklist.

Edit: as far as boxes go, ask your friends in food service or retail! When I worked food service we got probably ten boxes a day that we broke down and put into the dumpster. Most managers are perfectly happy to set them aside for an employee instead.

 

if stores where you live are like new zealand stores, they're willing to give boxes away for free-my mother tends to come home from shopping with a new box every so often, because the boxes are free, there's literally just this room full of free boxes after the checkouts.

 

Anyone know what to do about the anti-psychiatry type of parent? Like, the kind that's constantly trying to convince you of stuff like:

• "The reason you're so dysfunctional is because of all those drugs you keep taking"
• "Taking psychiatric medication is unhealthy; your brain produces everything your brain needs"
• "Seeing a therapist does nothing for you and you should stop doing it"
• "Your belief that you are mentally ill is making you worse"
• "You need to stop telling yourself 'I can't' and just make yourself do things"

My dad has this conversation with me every few weeks and I always end up crying super hard. I can't escape conversation with him and he isn't going to give up this topic on his own. Every time I get upset by him bringing it up, I think he takes it as additional proof that he's right. I don't know how to stop getting so upset about it. Today he brought it up while I was physically and emotionally at the end of my rope from a long week of Public Transportation Sensory Hell and I tried to tell him "I don't have the energy for this right now, please wait until later" and that just made him push harder and then I had a Full Volume Screaming Meltdown on the spot, which, again, vindicated his belief that I'm oversensitive and behaving myself like a spoiled child. So then he reminded me that I am Not In Fact A Child, and I continued screaming, and ANYWAY, is there a way for this conversation to go where I don't make a complete horse's ass of myself?? I really don't want to spend so much of my energy on self-loathing.

...I feel like my sharing of this anecdote on this forum necessitates that I clarify that my relationship with both of my parents is perfectly fine otherwise. My dad just has a really weird concept of "helping" that happens to result in the-opposite-of-helping whenever he does it.

 

Do you think he'd respond to you reframing the issue? In one of those "would you deny a diabetic their insulin or a person with a broken leg a wheelchair because 'your body produces the calcium and the insulin itself!!!" sort of analogies? Or if you've got anyone in your family with other chronic illnesses-- really big, visible ones, mostly, not as many of the pain ones because I've noticed they don't go over well-- like thyroid issues or battles with cancer or something like epilepsy or sleep apnea, using those as a jumping point.

A lot of the anti-psych stuff sounds even dumber when you return it with "would you want a diabetic child to die because you think they're producing the insulin when they clearly aren't?" And if he's specifically anti-psych rather than being an anti-all-medication-and-doctors like some holistic types, then that might make it easier to push home the point.

 

I was gonna suggest the same thing as @KingStarscream ; I find diabetes a pretty useful one because it's familiar to most people, is pretty straightforward (pancreas isn't making enough insulin, have to supplement or up insulin production to have normal function), and it's really, really hard to deny the benefit of insulin to people with type 1 diabetes.

Also, you can bring up that the brain isnt like magically different from all the other body systems; it still works by signaling pathways that prompt cells to do different things, just like insulin prompts certain cells to do different things. It's not, like, exempt from how biology and physiology work.

 

This reminds me of my parents. Mom doesn't believe I'm actually depressed, so keep that in mind regarding the following chain of events.

- I have a yelling breakdown and say I'm going to kill myself at work
- I get taken away by the cops to a psych ward "of my own free will"
- I spend two days convincing them I'm NOT a danger to myself so I can go home after thanksgiving to be with my family
- I am officially told by their in-house psych that I do not have severe depression, just mild depression
- but again- I am trying desperately to be normal and go home.

Does that mean I'm not depressed? Mom says it does, I just need to learn to control myself. Yet I've had multiple breakdowns since then, including at work. And mom says I "should've learned" not to do that. Does she think I WANT to break down under pressure and not be able to work? And look like a freak, risk losing my job, and risk going to jail? Is this really just a self control problem? If not, I'm terrible and need help. But if it is, I'm even worse and deserve to be punished.