Super General Advice (the thread for advice without making a thread)

Discussion in 'General Advice' started by NevermorePoe, May 8, 2017.

  1. witchknights

    witchknights 27 Bold Enchanter Defends The Fearful

    You can also try switching to a low-shampoo (low-poo) routine; these are less aggressive shampoos that still do something while not being as aggressive to the scalp as traditional formulas. I don't use them because my hair is fine with normal shampooing and i use a lot of product in it which you can't do while using them, but a lot of people recommend it as-is or as a way to ease your hair into a no-shampoo routine.
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2019
    • Informative x 1
  2. Alexand

    Alexand Rhymes with &

    Not sure if this is the right thread for this, but...does anyone know a good compilation of links and resources to educate people about "why autistic people don't like Autism Speaks"?

    I've been having this ongoing struggle with my school's anti-ableism group due to many of the group's members being heavily involved with Autism Speaks (e.g. are funded by them, speak at their meetings, have some of their stickers on their office walls, etc.). Frankly I've just been too chickenshit to talk to them directly about it, but we're coming to a point where I feel like the group is going to have to make their position on Autism Speaks clear.

    So, I emailed the student head of the group (who's graduating in December, so I figured that she was the lowest-risk person to talk to). She sends me a reply half an hour later saying that she "honestly [doesn't] know much about the controversies surrounding Autism Speaks", so she doesn't feel like she can say much. Right now I'm trying to figure out how to reply to her with a polite form of "how the fuck are you positioning yourself as an authority on disability activism if you 'don't know about the controversies surrounding Autism Speaks'", but I also need like...some actual links to send her.

    It'd be great if any of y'all know any more recent posts about it, too. Most of the posts I know were written back in the 00's, and I feel like that leaves me vulnerable to the argument "that was in the past, they've changed now".
     
  3. idiomie

    idiomie I, A Shark Apologist

    tangential, but possibly bring up the recent sesame street thing? like - that's recent, that's this year, sesame street was partnered with autistic self advocacy groups who have now pulled away due to their partnering with A$

    i mean, that doesn't necessarily go into why A$ is bad, to be fair, but it does make clear that in the present year, pretty much every recognized autistic self advocacy group is against them which, is probably a good starting place?

    also, asan has this flyer (https://autisticadvocacy.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/AutismSpeaksFlyer_color_2018.pdf) about why they don't support A$, for recent stuff that actually digs into why it's bad
     
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  4. artistformerlyknownasdave

    artistformerlyknownasdave revenge of ricky schrödinger

    does anyone know how to get ibooks onto a windows ten pc? i've tried a couple things and nothing's done the trick. i've got a lot of books on my phone, and i'd like to trade it in for an android now that it's getting old and starting to go to shit, but i don't want to lose access to all my books
     
  5. jacktrash

    jacktrash spherical sockbox

    my dish liquid shampoo experiment is over, btw. my hair continues to be almost disturbingly soft and fluffy, but my scalp is irritated.
     
    • Witnessed x 6
  6. GlassesBlu

    GlassesBlu Jaskier, you're ok :)

    Does anyone know what to do when they find themselves not wanting to talk with or hang out with a friend anymore?
    It is strange for me because it is not like the friend has done anything to warrant any resentment or annoyance, from what I can tell they're the same as they've been, and I think I'm still the same as how I've been

    I just find the idea of hanging out with said friend to be. Trying. Something I don't want to do and don't look forward to
    And like we are part of a group that just talks regularly via chat so I guess its strange to ignore them

    I sent out a general 'hey who wants to hang' message and they immediately responded with being free and I just wanted to rescind invitation. But that doesn't seem right. It doesn't make sense
     
    • Witnessed x 4
  7. theambernerd

    theambernerd dead to all sense of shame

    Hmmm. this might not be your situation, but I’ve had that happen with a friend I was hanging out with one on one a ton once, and it was sort of a form of my introversion expressing itself? Basically I just for a few weeks found things about her I usually found benign or amusing annoying instead and didn’t know why. For me it faded when I took a few weeks break where we hung out not at all one on one and only occasionally in groups and the resentment faded

    I am completely garbage at doing these types of social navigating with clear communication though so if this is your case or you’re not sure how to try dialing it back im.. not super helpful sorry
     
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  8. sirsparklepants

    sirsparklepants *cries in sports*

    Honestly? I'd send them a message along the lines of "hey, you haven't done anything wrong, but I need to take a step back from our friendship for a bit. I super value the time we've had together, I just need a little space for a while" and then, after a couple of weeks with said space, re-evaluate to see if you feel the same way or if you can pinpoint what's getting to you. If they ask you for further details, just say "I'm sorry, my brain is doing a dumb and I'm trying to fix it" or something along those lines. It's better to be honest than try and fake it especially if you're in a group chat.
     
    • Agree x 2
    • Useful x 1
  9. GlassesBlu

    GlassesBlu Jaskier, you're ok :)

    Thanks guys

    @theambernerd that makes sense to me, and I think Im the loud introverted because being with people does make me pretty tired. I was thinking If I should mostly just give the interacting time n space, and my internal stuff might sort itself out. We'll see I guess, I did end up hanging out with my friend, and while at the start of the hang out I was a bit distant, the interaction proceeded fine and we had a good time I think. With school getting busier, we both will probably be too consumed with work to hang out more in the future anyway.

    @sirsparklepants yeah you're right. I think with at least personal chat, I can ask them to give me space, and I'll see how it goes from there. For group chat, its not super active with discussion at least, so im not too worried, but I might not extend vague hang out offers in the future until im sure about it.
     
  10. Gee

    Gee the mail never fails

    Is there a service like doordash/postmates that can bring me otc medicine like pepto bismol to my house
    so I don’t gotta get off the John and head a couple miles to the store
     
  11. Alexand

    Alexand Rhymes with &

    @Gee Try Instacart? I think their business model is generally based on delivery from grocery stores, but in my area they deliver from CVS as well.

    EDIT: Oh, if Instacart doesn't work for you, maybe one of the services listed here will: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_online_grocers
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2019
    • Informative x 1
  12. Chiomi

    Chiomi Master of Disaster

    Also GoPuff! I think they're mostly a phenomenon in college towns, but they have fairly low fees and a 'human needs' section.
     
    • Informative x 1
  13. milkywaybars

    milkywaybars New Member

    Someone stole my suitcase but left most of my stuff, does anyone know if they will let me take a garbage bag of stuff onto a Greyhound bus*? I know they won't let me check it, the person at the counter said something like, "I can't give you a luggage tag, I guess you'll just have to take everything on the bus."

    *If you read my other thread, this is not me leaving to avoid problems in this state, it's to be closer to my grandparents.
     
  14. jacktrash

    jacktrash spherical sockbox

    if it's not too big for carryon, and it's securely closed so it won't spill your stuff everywhere, they should let you.
     
    • Like x 1
  15. LadyNighteyes

    LadyNighteyes Wicked Witch of the Radiant Historia Fandom

    Not Greyhound, but I've seen people take garbage bags onto other long-distance buses before.
     
    • Like x 1
  16. townghost

    townghost mystery crab

    i've been struggling for a long time to understand what boundaries are -- boundaries are where you're allowed to hurt people or not be perfect, but they're not allowed to question it? right? so like, for example

    if i wanted to justify myself being selective with my friends and someone questioned it, i could be like, BOUNDARIES! and even if my reasoning was fucked up, they wouldn't be able to say it's wrong? is that right?

    for example, if someone noticed that my friends are often people who i'm attracted to i could just be like... that's my boundary.
     
  17. Chiomi

    Chiomi Master of Disaster

    No. That's not how boundaries work. You can choose your friends based on whatever, and people can comment, even if that's sometimes (or often) rude, but they can't demand that you change. Public behavior is always subject to public comment, but reasonable boundaries include not being obligated to change behavior based on public comment.

    If your behavior hurts people, however, in a deliberate or easily avoidable way, then it is an entirely reasonable boundary to avoid you or ask you to stop with some expectation that you will at least consider stopping. In your friendship example, you don't have to consider being friends with someone just because their feelings are hurt that you aren't friends. But if they ask you not to talk about how they're not your friend because they're not attractive enough for you, not having to hear that is a reasonable boundary for them, whether they negotiate that by asking you to stop and you stopping or by avoiding you.
     
    • Agree x 4
  18. jacktrash

    jacktrash spherical sockbox

    is this one of those things where the "i" in that post is actually someone else, and you're trying to figure out what they're thinking? bc if so, actual you can assert an actual boundary that that behavior is bullshit and you don't have to pretend it's ok.

    if it is you, tho, knock it off, that's a dick move. :P
     
    • Agree x 4
  19. ChelG

    ChelG Well-Known Member

    Hair update - switching to alternate days seems to work, will give that a while to balance out and see if spreading it out further works.
     
    • Winner x 1
    • Informative x 1
  20. townghost

    townghost mystery crab

    no, the “i” is someone else, but it’s also perceptibly something i do? i was trying to ask for confirmation that it is a dick move in a way before i normalize and implement it.

    the way you used “actual boundary” there just looks like an opinion to me... so... concept of boundaries not understood yet! no breakthroughs today!

    the reason why i ask in that way is because when i was confronting kitty about having me in her social circle and not listening to me about my beliefs about my identity (the transsexual shit)... she called boundaries on me. so i felt like that was a dick move ? but that person is someone i’ve already analyzed as a manipulator so. reality may be observable

    there’s also the whole ruben disease i have where my brain tied itself up in knots for years trying to manage being in pain but still be sane and respectful of people without mental disorders who don’t know what’s going on with me? not sure how to delicately explain the situation without bringing the hammer of the public down on me. but just ignore that paragraph because that’s a discussion i don’t wanna have! please consider it a boundary! * posts up a fence around this paragraph *

    basically Can I Use Boundaries To Be A Dick
     
    • Witnessed x 1
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