Super General Advice (the thread for advice without making a thread)

That gives her potential evidence of calling you out for being a petty weirdo, honestly. I'd just let it slide and move on with life.

 

I doubt that’s going to be effective either. If she’s got people blocked, she’s already let them know she doesn’t want to hear it. And asking someone she hasn’t blocked to carry a message is asking them to… carry damage across those relationship boundaries, if that makes sense? It’s asking them to break that person’s set boundaries, which would damage the messenger’s relationship with that person, and likely just get them blocked too, which they might not want. In which case there’s an implied “Pick a side” in there, and that’ll just end up damaging your relationship with the messenger. Either way, the only likely outcome from further interaction is a net increase in the amount of drama.

I think pretty much all you can do is just, like. Acknowledge that was a shitty thing for her to do, and it made you feel like crap, and that’s valid. She took what she wanted from you and your group, and then cut you off, and that’s gonna feel bad, like betrayal or theft, even if any agreement or prior expectation betrayed was implicit and there’s no actual ownership of the ideas.

It still sucks, and it still hurts. So, go, “Ow.” Go, “I don’t like what that person did to me, and I don’t like how that story came about, and I don’t want to interact with them or their stories anymore.”

And if anyone asks you why, you can tell them, but try to keep in mind that for an outsider it’s gonna come down to, “There was shitty friend-group drama,” and they’re probably not going to feel it on the same visceral level as the people it actually happened to.

 

I'd say the only case in which you should do something would be if she tried to call you out for plagarism, in which case bring out the timestamped screenshots. But other than that there's not much you could do without damaging your reputation at least as badly as hers. Definitely would not recommend block evasion, which is what sending a messenger boils down to.

 

Bearing in mind that you should not do it for the reasons discussed above, I would also think that if you WERE going to ask someone else to contact her, a better opening subject might be, "Hey, you vanished and none of us know why, did something happen, if we upset you we'd like to avoid alienating other people the same way if possible" and not "CEASE AND DESIST, PLOTBUNNY-STEALING TRAITOR."

 

I will add that fanfic plagiarism is a thing if someone copies something you've written word for word, and you can report it to AO3 and get the plagiarizing fic taken down. But just borrowing ideas isn't something AO3 will enforce as plagiarism.

 

Didn't think they would. I was just wondering if I should inform people who read ours. On closer inspection I was wrong, the fics in question weren't posted after she stopped talking to me, so it wasn't crossing a line. Mea culpa. It kind of feels like it was crossing some kind of line even though it wasn't, though, and I'm not sure where that feeling's coming from. Maybe I'm just generally upset at her and misdirecting it?

 

I remember a tumblr post from years ago about how to get around parents tracking your phone/internet use. Someone on a discord server says his gf is in that position, and I'd like to forward him any info. I think maybe it was a post from ms-demeanor on tumblr, but maybe not! I can'r remember anymore.

Anyone have any leads? Thanks

 

Anyone know any foot care life hacks? My feet are so gross and dry all the time I can hardly stand it. My means are modest and my spoons low.

Spoiler: things I've tried under the cut to keep the post short

They've been like this for quite some time, not sure why. I wear clean socks every day and shower every other day, but it never improves, only seems to get marginally worse over time. I tried using some Burt's Bees foot balm for a few weeks (putting it on at night and wearing it overnight) and while my feet would look a little better in the morning, by the afternoon it'd look like I'd done nothing at all. (Also how tf are you supposed to apply stuff to your own feet, it's so awkward! I don't know if I was doing it wrong but I always ended up on the bathroom floor twisting myself into pretzels to try and both see and reach my feet.)

If soaking is the only solution, I'm not sure how to manage that. I can technically use the shower tub, but it'd be boring and uncomfortable to sit on the edge of the tub for more than a couple minutes. (and I wouldn't want to have a book or phone with me to entertain since dropping them would ruin them). I don't have any other containers that would fit my feet that I could use outside of the tub, besides cooking bowls (lol not doing THAT even if I washed them afterwards) or maybe the bucket I use for weeding (which would take a lot of time to clean before I could even consider putting my bare skin in them).

I can buy some things if y'all think something would help solve this, just nothing terribly expensive.

 

The balm might be wiping off your feet on the sheets in the night, try wrapping your feet in clingfilm? I don't know how much difference that'd make but it's what I've been told to do. And try pumicing/filing the dead skin away before applying the balm?

 

Exfoliating before you apply the balm will help a lot! I use a indulgently $$ exfoliating bar so I don't have a good price friendly option exactly to mind, but I know there's a lot of diy exfoliant recipes out there that use common kitchen ingredients, and my mom used to use little pumice stones on handles that I think you can find pretty inexpensive at a drugstore?

 

You don't need a fancy bowl in particular, just one deep enough to cover your feet. Going to your local grocery store and getting a big mixing bowl would work fine, and then that can be the dedicated 'i put my feet in this' thing as well. I suggest soaking and then balm after so it can lock in the moisture, with the clingwrap someone else suggested as well.

 

Yeah, something like 1/4 cup white sugar + a couple tablespoons of vegetable oil of choice (enough to make sort of a pasty gritty goop) is easy and cheap.

I don't know about cling wrap (it sounds like a sensory nightmare to me), but I've had serious dry skin problems on my hands in the past and I was told to put lotion on before going to bed and then put gloves on over it to sleep. If you're not sleeping in socks already, you might want to.

 

Interesting! Yes, I always wear socks to bed, even before I tried using the balm. So I had the balm on overnight under my socks, and as noted in the morning my feet would look better but I'd be back to looking like I did nothing less than 12 hours later. Maybe I need to soak or moisturize then use the balm... the balm didn't mention any such thing, though, so that's annoying.

I use a pumice stone in the shower semi-frequently but it doesn't seem to make a difference. Also it's an exercise in frustration since I can't wear my glasses during/after a shower, so I can't even *see* my feet to know if I'm even getting any skin off :P

 

Pumice stones never made any difference to me either, you might want a foot file or PedEgg.

 

This is kind of in the zone of Secret Skincare Knowledge, and I also find it a bit annoying that most moisturizing products don't explain this! However, as far as I understand:

• Exfoliating first (optional) removes built-up Stuff (dead skin, oils, etc) to let ingredients penetrate better & improves the surface by removing unhealthy skin that's not likely to come all the way back
• Some ingredients are moisturizing - including water! This means that they, to oversimplify, primarily put stuff into your skin that make it happier
• Some incredients are occlusive - this means that they help seal in the good stuff, or sometimes that they help your skin improve its natural barrier function.
• For example, for my multi-step face routine, i start applying while my skin is still damp from washing, and I organize products from watery texture to thick texture for maximum effectiveness.
• In your case, soaking your feet and then applying balm, and then socks traps that moisture from the soak! The balm has both moisturizing and occlusive ingredients if I had to guess, and the socks (or saran wrap if you want to try it!) create an extra mechanically occlusive barrier.

I feel you about not being able to see without your glasses in the shower :/ I've gotten practice doing it by feel now, but when I was learning how I would just sit on the side of the tub and run the faucet, so I could have glasses and have easier access to my feet. I know some people do soak mixes that are supposed to help dry skin slough off easier too but I've never tried those.

 

Feet skin is notoriously thick and difficult for skincare products to penetrate too. It'll take a while before you see results

 

I accidentally a food routine and it's expensive, help?

So once a week I play DND with my friends at a game store and we get dinner during a break. I walk with a friend to a semi pricey burger joint, and get the exact same meal every time (it's been about 5-6 times now, pretty set for me) because it's easier to talk to the cashier with a script. Problem is, I get a side with my burg that I usually can't finish even half of from being stuffed, and after tipping I've spent somewhere close to 20$... How tf can I train myself out of this, I tell myself it'll be different "next time" and every time I get to that counter I get my exact same order :(((

I realize this may sound stupid or easy to fix but I slightly changed my order tonight and I felt fucking terrible all the rest of the time we hung out. I still feel terrible. Will sticking it out get easier or am I gonna feel like shit every time?

 

maybe try going there some other time during the week and ordering something else so you can develop flexibility in the script without the pressure of your friend being there?

 

I don't have the means to get there any other day, but it is a sound idea. We always go when it's busy because it just ends up that way, but if I could go at an earlier time on a different day that does sound easier

 

got this weird email:



does anyone have any idea what it could possibly be apart from random incomprehensible spam? I don't want to open it except maybe on a library computer or something.