So, today I start my 7-week teaching internship. We have to do 4 internships spread out over 4 semesters, and this is my second-to-last. And in all of them, all of them, I am consistently horribly anxious all the time leading up to class. Class time itself is enjoyable, and students usually really like my classes and tend to get along very well with me and make positive reviews when the internship ends. And I like to teach and usually end up developing a real bond with my students and caring about them a lot. But before classes I get nervous and avoidant enough that I wish they get suddenly canceled! It's been worse in the past (during most of my first 2 internships, I literally couldn't have lunch before teaching because my stomach got so upset I feared I might throw up in class; that doesn't happen anymore) but I still want out of this entire experience, thanks. A list of things I thought might be the cause, but aren't because they got fixed (or weren't present in certain conditions) and the problem remains: - My class planning isn't detailed enough - My class planning doesn't involve a backup plan for if something goes wrong - The students are violent and aggressive [in my first internship I had that problem but that was a year ago and last semester's was very enjoyable] - The students don't know/like me - The students are unmotivated or bored - The students are too young or immature - The teacher overseeing my internship with the school doesn't respect or appreciate me - The teacher overseeing my internship in college doesn't respect or appreciate me What is actually the cause: - I'm just an anxious, catastrophizing fuck Things I already know help: - Knowing my lesson plan as closely as possible before stepping into the classroom - Emotionally detaching ("I don't really care about these students or this school, I just want to get this done with no matter what" - not true, but it helps) - Catastrophizing on purpose (I spin a bullshit worst-case scenario that is so absurd it actually cheers me up because reality can't possibly be as fucked up) - Visualizing the anxiety as a baby verson of me and imagining adult, non-anxious me who is protective and in control softly cradling it and then putting it to sleep and handling the situation on their own. I'd love other suggestions of how to cope with this!
I'm tagging @theoffensivegayfriend in this because I think she could possibly help with this one, or at least commiserate
