teenagers scare the living shit outta me (vent/advice thread)

No idea, but it's worth asking just in case!

I would like to underline that those are really valid complaints - I know it's really easy to think, like 'well she's just not trying hard enough, she's lucky she has therapy' or similar things, but CBT genuinely does not work for a lot of things, and depression can often be one of those. Luckily, if you are going the private-care route, it will probably be easier for you to find different therapeutic methods if needed, which is great.

And yeah - it doesn't even have to be your mother being overbearing, just that if she and Z disagree on something, doctors would often believe her over Z, even if it is something that Z would know much better than her. (one of my big problems with that was that my mother would tell doctors I was overeating when I was trying to seek help for anorexia - and even in a case where it was legitimately dangerous and stupid to believe my mother over me, they still did, because I was a crazy minor.)

Plus, it is often just really helpful to know that you have a confidentiality policy (because if you didn't have anything you didn't feel like you could talk to your parents about, you probably wouldn't be there!), and you can find therapists who will see just the minor, it just often takes more looking.

Good luck talking to Z! I hope it goes well.

 

Well, I'm taking her out for pizza and to finally see Civil War, so I'm hopefully gonna have a casual chat with her about stuff. By the way, please don't think I'm dismissing non-CBT therapy! I...actually don't know which kind of therapy worked for me. I pretty much just threw everything at the wall, CBT included, and hoped something stuck.

Do you (or anyone else) know what other kinds of therapy might be helpful? Like, what helped you? Therapy anecdata, gogogo! (And thank you for the wellwishes!)

 

ahaha. no. I am far too afraid of confrontation to express annoyance with somebody to their face. although looking back on it I can definitely see how you might've interpreted my post as being irritated at you as opposed to the theoretical faceless masses who have misunderstood my socialization needs, so sorry about that.

thanks, glad it was helpful. and yeah, I got a little bit of a sense of projection there. we all do it, and it's easy, and I'm glad you're trying to keep in mind that her mistakes and needs are not yours.

for what it's worth I also suspect that her sleep deprivation isn't a choice on her part.

you're welcome, and I look forward to your update!

therapy has done more or less fuckall for me, as far as I can tell. it's Talking About Your Feelings and Getting Advice therapy, idk the technical term. so I'd also appreciate some anecdata about what's worked for people.

 

She does stay up to talk to her friends, is the point I'm trying to make. Not every night, and she's been better about it lately, but when we first got here she'd be up until 4am on Skype and then sleep all day. I'm certainly not saying she's not an insomniac, just that there are times when she's deliberately keeping herself awake. Anyway, it's not that important. Just, know that I'm thoroughly sympathetic to being unable to sleep, and I know it's not a choice. Nighttime in our house is an Adventure. (Except Dad. He sleeps like the dead.)

Ah yes, How Much Money Am I Spending To Talk At You And Hear Generic Advice therapy. I'm familiar. But hey, it's better than Arrange This Sandpit However Feels Natural And I Will Psychoanalyse You Based On That therapy. :v

 

I think this would be a good thing to tell her.

 

Yeah, I'll probably say that to her tomorrow. I suspect she already knows, but it'll be good for it to be in the open, as it were.

In other news!!! She's coming out to the dog cafe today, and!! I got more info on her latest psych visit (which if you recall was a home visit). She talked about changing meds in the future, and more importantly, she was doing DBT before, but they're changing tack - they're gonna work on building a relationship between Z and the psych first, so she can feel more comfortable talking to her. She seems really positive about the whole thing, which is a really nice change! And for the first time, she told me she wants to get better. I'm really happy for her. I'll still bring up the confidentiality thing and make sure Z is comfy with the amount of info that's being shared - it's still a family-orientated treatment style, so I'm gonna make sure it's clear that anything Z doesn't want shared, she is absolutely within her rights to say so, and the therapist has to respect that under the law.

 

Upd8: she nearly bailed, but we took a cab instead of a train to make it less stressful, and she's absolutely smitten with this place. Right now she's trying to befriend the rescue mastiff.

 

I'm not sure what advice to offer, but I'm very glad things seem to be looking up! It sounds like Z's situation has been really stressful, and combined with even just Garden Variety Teenage Angst, that can be a really bad thing--and even worse when there's mental health stuff involved. So it's good that things seem to be improving, even just a little. :)

 

update-that's-not-really-an-update: I just wanted to share that the three of us went on a road trip today to the only makeup store in the UK that carries a brand-new type of makeup that Z really wanted, and she bought some lipsticks and Mum let her buy the expensive super-fancy shimmery blush stuff that Z didn't think she'd be allowed to have, and she started putting it on in the car and just now she came over and infodumped about it and then put some on me.

:3