We already have a bad fanfic thread, but I thought we needed one for the mind-bogglingly awful things which aren't fanfic. For kick-off, I bring you Maradonia and the Seven Bridges.
I know Mituna is a word outside of Homestuck but I still lol'd. And that's one of the less ridiculous place names on that map. HIGH PLATEAU OF DEATH.
I've never encountered it in the wild, but eesh, Maradonia. Kinda got all the things you need to have an awful story, doesn't it...
The completely impossible fight scene made me think of the stupid thing in the fanfic SM:AK where the hero manages to shoot a throne on the moon from the Earth with an ordinary shotgun.
The Eye of Argon. purely original fiction, the glurgiest of sword-and-sorcerer "romances." sff conventions used to have contests where readers would get into a circle and figure out how long they could go without laughing. longest got a literal prize. i recommend reading from the link i provided, because otherwise you will not be able to make it through.
Oh God, yes! I love Theis. My favourite bit in the MSTing is when the bots decide that the "scarlet emerald" which drips green slime is a sign the author is colourblind. I don't know if he was, but I'm headcanoning that Grignr is. And I giggled at the "sometimes emeralds are grey!" line in Adventure Time.
Ironically, scarlet emeralds do exist. They're just usually called red beryls. No such excuse for the guy who "flushes pale," though.
So, once, in high school, I read a book written by a classmate of mine. The only reason I kept reading was because it was my friend's book but MAAAAN. i mean, it was pretty standard-boring fantasy. There was a little interesting stuff - the fantasy otherworld was described as being a very small world, which I thought was interesting, but. There were things like characters describing a wizard as being incredibly strong after seeing him do 1 thing and knowing nothing about other wizards or the magic system (the one thing he did could be the equivalent of a party trick!) and like. ok so there was the obligatory 1 female character love interest. and she was possessed or something by the bad guy at the beginning? and then got freed early on, but she kept being useless or worse throughout whatever the quest was. I thought it'd turn out she was still evil but no she is legitimately that useless.
Yeah, I had a friend in school who self-published a book and I was polite about it but it was awful. One character attempted to rape the heroine and then was brought along on the adventure like nothing happened, and the story seemed like it was going somewhere interesting but then it turned into a Twenty Bear Asses quest to find all the prophecied adventurers and it just dragged onnnnn and onnnnnnnnn and by the end of the book they still hadn't got round to doing anything...