TFs: DARE TO BE STUPID

No idea on general fandom consensus, but I've seen some fun stuff! And also some stuff that was just

Spoiler: nsfw

So on the less-good side, I've seen more porn than I ever really wanted of TFP Jack/Arcee, but in a very, like... hentai-flavored way. Both of them were hella out of character, Arcee wasn't as large as she should have been, and also Jack had a dick that was literally down to his knees. (I follow transformersporn for a steady injection of transformers nsfw content, and some is good and some is less good).

ALSO ALSO, I read most of a fic where Shia Labeef takes Optimus Prime's entire giant robodick. Why did I do this?? We just don't know (I did it because size kink). But like, Shia was chilling in Optimus-as-a-truck while Optimus's attention was awol at a holograph conference call or something. Shia accidentally stumbled onto Optimus giant robodick (still not sure how, but I honestly got the impression that he just like, popped the glove compartment open, and there it was). He started getting frisky with the dick while Optimus was in his conference call, and Optimus is all trying to keep his cool and figures that Shia is like, asleep, and bumped his dick accidentally or something. And I am ashamed, but this was very much my kink. But then Optimus came back to his body and everything went downhill. He and Shia were like 'FOR SO LONG...... I HAVE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU............ MY DARLING...............' and then Optimus stuck his massive robodick into Shia's presumably human-sized asshole, and I bailed.

But on the better side, I've seen some interesting things. Size kink is very much my jam. There's this one AU that isn't exaaaactly human/cybertronian, but it's prowl-as-a-human with jazz-as-a-cybertronian, and it pings me hard and has the most (look at jazz's hands shaking!! look at that intercrural!!!!) (and also this art by another fan).

(edit: ahaha, nijnja'd! but i'm leaving it because it's such gorgeous art and deserves to be linked multiple times)

Right now I see more content for the IDW comics than anything else, and things there are held back a little by lack of prospective human partners. More Than Meets The Eye has no humans. Windblade/Till All Are One has no humans. ex-Robots In Disguise has Spike Witwicky (GARBAGE. and not the kind i love) and Director Melissa Faireborn (she only really interacts with Thundercracker, and mostly I ship it trine-wise). So there's some lovely ugly pitch potential with Spike, the Constructicons, and Prowl because reasons that I won't subject you to here, but it would be all deliciously unhealthy. And Director Faireborn and Thundercracker could be shippy, but there's a complicated, barely-defined thing called trines that apply to the fliers, and I usually see it as a not-quite-romance triad, but still! There are things that could be done, but I haven't seen any of them.

And then there's Verity Carlo. We see her first at about 16 (in the earliest ongoing miniseries), a few years later around 18/19 (the last stand of the wreckers miniseries, and with an Unfortunate cheesecake factor), and the last time we see her she's in her mid-twenties (the sins of the wreckers miniseries).



She is a really, really interesting supporting character. She's been on her own since she was young, she's a runaway, she has trouble connecting to or trusting other people, and she's also terrified of someone deciding they don't want her anymore and abandoning her (so she'd better abandon them first). She's got some super fascinating relationships with a bunch of the cybertronians. Kup (left corner in the above picture) is one of the most senior, most experienced officers in the entire autobot faction, and he lets her sass him right to his face in front of new recruits. Springer heads the war-crime-tastic Wreckers (special ops) and adores the hell out of her. Prowl, who's the one to point the Wreckers in the direction where he wants them to do war crimes, and who is one of the biggest unlikable assholes in the entire franchise (I love him), expresses genuine, non-self-serving worry over her well-being. She's partnered with a guy named Streetwise on earth for a few years, and they do top-secret infiltration missions and such together. And she stowed away on Ultra Magnus's ship when he tried to leave her behind on earth, and went with him into space, and she calls him Uncle Magnus. Ultra Magnus has an awful, awful time connecting with other people, and starts MTMTE isolated and miserable and barely keeping it together. This is him as a loopy drunk (which is very Not Usual). Also, Rung is a therapist, so presumably he's been telling he's told his therapist plenty about Verity



Uncle Magnus.

Also Verity is only 16 the first time we see her, so I'm pretty sure that means that shipping her with anyone counts as pedophilia, and you can work a pseudo-incest thing in there with Ultra Magnus.

I'm sorry, this turned into one massive tangent, I honestly meant to only write like. One paragraph about IDW humans in general :V But the point is, Verity has all kinds of loaded interpersonal relationships and emotional investment that gets my attention for shipping purposes. And I mmmmmmmay have plans for a pitch Prowl/Verity fic. I mean, I definitely have plans, plans that will riff on that beautiful human/cybertronian intercrural art I linked above, but I'm having trouble figuring out how to bounce into the narrative nicely :P

 

I like this very much!!!!!! Much better than jack/arcee, which was nnnot really my jam. Also at one point June totally gets flirty about optimus, right there in canon (she thinks he's a hottie)

 

AWRIGHT, SO

Spoiler: long

Well first, I've completely lost track of who's read phase one, so context: In All Hail Megatron, where the decepticons invade NYC and wreak havoc, the constructicons were one of the big murder-happy groups killing people and wrecking shit. Spike was one of the military special forces types sent to try to infiltrate the city. That went... well in some ways, I guess? It wasn't effective, but also Spike didn't die, so he was doing pretty well for himself. After the autobot victory where they booted the decepticons out of NYC and off the planet, the autobots lounged around for a while, and were mostly in hiding because the world was pretty dang hostile to cybertronians at that point.

Meanwhile, the humans are trying to hunt down the stray robits still stranded on our lovely little planet. As a war hero, Spike was put in charge of a bunch of this. Now... this was all well and good, except Spike is not actually a fine, upstanding gentleman. He does shit like trapping a Decepticon in his alt mode, then taking him joyriding (and going to a stripper) just because he can). Eventually autobots and humans reach kind of an uneasy peace, and as a bona fide Robot Expert, Spike is tapped as the human liason to the autobots, mainly working with Prowl. But the dude is a big fan of robot hunting. And he's still nursing a grudge the size of the empire state building over how the constructicons fucking destroyed NYC killed Spike's bro.

So while he's acting all amiable and open with the autobots and gaining their trust, on the down low he starts working to track down the constructicon leader, Scrapper. Then when he hunted the guy down, he toyed with him, to prove how superior humans are or whatever. And then when Scrapper was wounded and helpless and tried to surrender? Spike poured acid into his eyes and killed him.

Plus eventually, the extent of his double dealing comes out, and the fact that he hunted down and killed Scrapper. The constructicons are like, a unit. They're Cybertron's first natural combiner in the ten million years or so, and they're all about that mind meld jam. Losing one of them? God, I'd love to see fic that really explores that kind of loss in depth. Especially later, when they combine into Devastator again, and Scrapper is there... as a dead, lifeless leg. And Prowl takes this betrayal so fucking hard. BPD Prowl is my personal headcanon, and a lot of that is because the way these betrayals (or perceived betrayals) hit him so badly in a way that pings me like splitting. Prowl is standoffish and cold, but he'd begun to really trust Spike, and just... boy can hold a grudge.

So like, later, literal years later, after Prowl and the Constructicons have been dealing with minor life events like the miraculous resurrection of their entire homeworld, they get the opportunity to bop on over to earth. And what is the first thing they do? They go gunning right for Spike Witwicky. Spike is such an unrepentant asshole (he meet him as he hunts down a tiny robot trying to run and beg for his life, just so spike can hack up his body and use him to hack into a video broadcast). Now, Prowl and the Constructicons have had their differences. They adore him, and he's like oh my god, fuck offffff (except when he can see ways to use them to further his agenda). But when they're after Spike? Oh MAN are they united by purpose.

And you'd think! That faced with an intensely intelligent, experienced schemer like Prowl and the sheer might of Devastator, that one tiny little human would have a problem, right? Right??? No, the guy holds his own, and taunts them. He's faced down by a giant-ass combiner that he's seen in action, and he's still like 'haha, u mad bro?' And he makes it out alive! And scores some solid emotional hits on Prowl! Like, I hate Spike with a passion, but that is kickass.

As touchy as Prowl is, and as smart as he is, Spike still knows just how to get under his skin. And the constructicons outnumber him a whole lot, but he can outthink them easily. And he knows it. He knows how to make all of them angry, and he loves it. He's such an unrelenting dick, and as much as I dislike him, I've got to respect a guy who's so willing to piss off a bunch of giant robots who would be more than happy to just step on him.

Honestly, the biggest difficulty in pulling off actual unhealthy pitch things here is keeping Spike alive :P It only... really works if Spike can swing it so that him being killed counts as a win for him. Like 'haha, I got you to lose control, u fucking loser'. The constructicons are pretty dang murder-happy, so that only really works with the whole group if Prowl is in charge. But then you can get Spike sassing Prowl over how he has to control this herd of murdertoddlers and giving him shit every time the constructicons step out of line. If it's Spike and the constructicons, then... maybe they're keeping him alive to torture later? But if he gets a chance to really talk to them, it's easy to point these guys in a direction and set them loose. They're not very restrained with their emotions or actions. And if it's Spike and Prowl solo, then oh man, things can get really intimately pointed and nasty. Like, I would love to see this play out in a psychological and physical way where violence is off the table for whatever reason. Spike knows the ways to bother Prowl, and Prowl has less grasp of how to upset Spike, and that upsets Prowl even more, and it's a delicious feedback loop of negative emotions. There are so, so many directions and ways for this to get out of hand.

 

@pixels, so what I'm hearing you say is June/all the bots, all at once? Because I concur.

(and you can't tell me that the June/Knock Out tension wouldn't be fabulous! he's so full of himself and she would not be having any of that)

edit: and seriously, transformers canon covers such a huge scope that there is SO much ground still left to be covered. Out of all the continuities I've consumed, TFP is actually worst for that aspect of fandom, but transformers still has tons and tons of room to play

 

Spoiler: revolution 02

PLEASE get to the talking and less with the fighting already. I am Tired of people who should be allies fighting. Also I'd normally be reasonably sure of Optimus doing reasonable, not-excessive things, but. Y'know. Galvatron. I like Rom. Rom is a good. Let Rom say things :c



OH MY GOD I LAUGHED SO HARD. But also, guys. Jazz is tired. Jazz has been tired for years. Somebody please let Jazz rest :CCCCC



nooooOOOOO NOT HIS PRECIOUS PERFECT FACE

Though I am intrigued but nervous about the prospect of seeing him sans mask. If his face is lumpy and indistinct like Optimus's was a few episodes ago, I will be very upset. But the only other time we've seen him maskless is Ramondelli art, and I have a powerful need



Ohhhhhh, oh Blitzwing :( This is upsetting, but also it's so like Sunstreaker in phase one, and that was one of my favorite, favorite plot points. It would be nice if he got character development and focus after being dismembered and tortured and all that trauma, but I have my doubts about that happening, given how many pieces this crossover is juggling, and how overlarge the scope of exrid is in the first place.

And oh my god, Kup, no. I don't think it'll be long until GI Joe morals start kicking in, but somebody protect the grumpy old grandpa, he doesn't deserve this shit.

Kup is a good. Kup deserves nice things :C Maybe the black dude (Matthew? there are too many squishy humans to remember) who designed the vehicles will be the moral breaking point, and use the tech he developed to enable an escape? Because he was already all D: over the cybertronians being people instead of machines. Someone's gonna crack, it's just a matter of who and how soon. I am LE DISAPPOINT in Scarlet, and I've chosen to invest my energy in probably-Matthew instead.

Oh, slash Doc is probably going to analyze those smears that used to be her teammates and figure out that whoa, these are not humans. Doc+Matthew escape team, somebody kick Scarlet in the shins on the way out. Let's make this happen.