that one really weird thing on your mind that is making you laugh your ass off

I might have brought this here before, but in case I haven't...

 

This... thing.
http://www.crownrealty.network/premium/5225renner/

It's a... mansion?? that first attracted attention on Tumblr for having a built in dive grotto, complete with underwater tunnels and (artificial?) fossils. That's already weird, but... the interior is... it's as if the owner (a natural gas magnate, of course) just plunked down a truckload of money and said 'fuck me up, fam'. Since it's called 'Spirit of Avalon', naturally every available surface is covered in faux medieval/renaissance statuary and artwork. It is about 200% Too Much, but then the design... oh god. It reminds me of something from the game Receiver - it's like a maze, rooms repeating over and over without meaning, as if their original purpose had been long forgotten. Fortunately for us all, there's a 3d tour available at the link. Some key features.

• The ‘king’ (because ‘master’ wasn’t fancy enough) bathroom features a sauna and not one, but two separate showers. These showers are not particularly large, nor are they frosted in any way.

• The ‘king suite’ also features the worlds tiniest kitchen stuffed into what should be a pantry.

• Seriously the king suite could be it’s own house.

• The wet bar in the solarium features an AFL-CIO poster, presumably as some kind of ironic joke.

• Actually, impoverished-children themed photographs are all over the place. Someone has a very sick sense of humor.

• Speaking, the solarium/great hall features three separate sinks in close proximity, because you can never seem to wash the blood off your hands.

• There is a bedroom/kitchen hybrid. Kitchens in places they shouldn’t be seems like a theme.

• There is a second solarium (the plan calls it an ‘indoor gazebo’ attached to the first, featuring a stained glass peacock. And nothing else.

• There’s a fucking pulpit overlooking the downstairs ‘entertaining area’. It’s from Salem.

• Tucked in one side of the bottom floor is a shockingly green exercise room with machines strewn about at random.

• The house features a gigantic attic, bare-walled and empty save for a lonely standing shelf full of Star Wars memorabilia.

• Nearby is a space-themed yet oddly spartan children’s bedroom, complete with recessed cabinets presumably for toys. (Empty)

• Now that I think about it, the children’s bedroom is on near the opposite side of the (vast, cavernous, mazelike) house to the (presumed) parent’s suite, which is easily huge enough to support a third bedroom.

• There is a ‘dining room’ next to the main entrance. There are no seats.

• The one room that looks vaguely like a livable family room has a been designated as a ‘pass through room’, perhaps because it features an underwater tunnel running beneath it, visible through a checkerboard pattern of glass in the floor.

• Tiny, separate toilet rooms. Everywhere. In every full bath, and strewn about the house at random. They are, as mentioned, tiny. Smaller than a public restroom stall tiny.

• Two such half baths placed directly across from each other, next to the wine cellar (of course there’s a wine cellar).

• A library/business wing was added on in 2003, with the bottom floor with several desks, a commercial photocopier, and, randomly, a kitchen. The door has dragons carved on it, which is admittedly cool, but would be cooler if led to the actual library.

• There is also a second office directly above the first, featuring a single desk, what might be a meeting room, and, randomly, a sink. There’s also a stained glass window of a naked lady, so that’s nice.

• The business wing does feature the one half bath that isn’t tiny. It also has a urinal. Still ~50+ feet from the upstairs desk.

• Actually, the whole thing features a distinct lack of chairs. The only real seating areas are in some (but not all) of the vast entertainment halls, in the form of what appears to be an 8-person couch.

TLDR - Rich people have no taste, only money.

 

No knowledge of folklore, either - Avalon should be Celtic!

 

I feel like I wanna explore just to keep a tally of the surprise!kitchens, I started poking around and stumbled across this tiny hallway with cabinets and a microwave

 

okay maybe it's bc I don't look at house ads a lot but the video read exactly like a tour through a sims house to me, down to the music. this is how I place objects when it's number of expensive decor items that matters for the lot's environment score. why else would they put all those statues and fountains outside

 

It is such a Sims house.

 

if you sliced it into, like, eighths, each one would be a pretty nice place to live I feel

 

Every so often I remember this page of Spider-Man exists

 

this video made at the start of the year really captures my feelings towards it as it nears a close:

 

"Progressive Cactus" sounds like a band name, or just a great self descriptor

 

The internet can be good sometimes

 

EVERYN'T MANY BOOK

 

This video and the associated thread