that one really weird thing on your mind that is making you laugh your ass off

I want to tell a weird story, because I'm full of weird stories and sometimes they come out, but I can't decide which weird story to tell. Do you guys want to pick one? The ones I'm in the mood to tell are the werewolf story, the time i slam dunked a jar of apple butter onto concrete, why I'm not allowed to eat grapefruit anymore, and how/why I quit my gas station job.

ETA: instead of tons of comments voting, how about voting with reactions? Like for werewolf, agree for apple butter, winner for grapefruit, informative for gas station

 

Grapefruit!

 

also it's been a whole day since I first saw it but still

 

The vote so far seems to be for the apple butter story, so here we go. Have some middle school seth.

In 7th grade, my honors history class (most of my section of the school was honors, so about 80 kids) took a field trip to Pennsylvania for a week-ish. We toured Philladelphia and some cool historical stuff, and for our last day took a trip out to amish country to see the country. We were city kids. It was fascinating.
There was a kid in my class, one of my best friends, who apparently had a bit of a crush on me. I had no idea because I was twelve, hadn't discovered boys yet, and I am now and always have been kinda dumb. At the hotel the night after amish country, he confessed his love to me outside of the pool, and so as to court me properly, he gave me a jar of apple butter he'd purchased that day.
12 year old Seth was not super in tune with her emotions at the time, but I still remember most of the feelings that passed through me in rapid succession. Confusion, wonderment, more confusion, distress, and, as was my usual at the time, I finally landed on rage. Not knowing what to do with any of these emotions I took the only thing at hand, the apple butter, and destroyed it by slam dunking it into the concrete of the pool area.
No one confessed their love to me for about three years after that.

 

My sister had a similar moment with a gourd that someone grew for her in gardening club. She reciprocated the feelings at first, but when she “broke up” with him she threw the gourd out a window.

 

forbidden techniques (warning: yelling starting 1:10)

 

the fact that there is a Dutch side dish that literally translates to "bare butts in the grass"

bonus mention goes to the classic dinner combo "hodgepodge and slap piece"

 

Ok but what are the butts? Inquiring minds, etc.

 

the dish is a combination of diagonally-sliced whole green beans (the grass) and a small amount of shelled white beans (the butts)

the beans will thus appear to be tiny white butts in a sea of beangrass

 

https://giant.gfycat.com/OrangeFavoriteGoldfish.webm

 

didn't know it was so easy for time travelers to return to their proper times

 

hickory dickory death

 

https://www.buzzfeed.com/robinedds/...term=.yj1wM9wbzd&ref=mobile_share#.jm1b78bgJy
#41 is my favorite, but #5 is great too.

 

The neural network again
http://aiweirdness.com/post/168294222082/a-computer-tries-its-best-to-learn-psalms

Spoiler: AI generated psalm

 

I'm making npcs for a dnd thing, and i wanted to share this one

Joey, the talking Raccoon: he’s a sphynx, actually, and it’ll do you well to remember that. Yeah, he looks like a raccoon. You look like an asshole. What’s your excuse? His riddles are terrible and he can’t actually do much if you don’t answer them, but he sure as shit won’t answer any questions if you can’t tell him what has a thousand blades but no shields. He’ll definitely give you rabies if you answer wrong. No he doesn’t have rabies, does he look rabid to you? But he knows a guy. He wants something for his trouble, too. Fries are good.

 

I was attempting to look up a thing on seebs's blog, didn't find it, got derailed, and found this: