That's so SO: A Thread for Relationship Antics

Me, too far from my bottle of water: Could you just reach out to that bottle for me?
@increasinglyCoherent : *picks up bottle, looks seriously at it, addresses it* Are you okay? If you need anything - anything - I'm there.

she's dadjoke tier help me

 

J: hey can you read over this job application email.
E: sure. *reads* uh, maybe say "good evening" instead of "good day" ... that sounds really weird
J: *backspaces* but i dunno when they're gonna read it.
E: doesn't matter. you're writing it in the evening.
J: ... *types "hai"*
E: no.
J: *backspaces* ... *types "o hai"*
E: nuuu
J: *backspaces* ... *types "i can haz job?"*
*both J and E start giggling*

 

I had the hiccups really badly in the car earlier. My boyfriend kept telling me it was fine because he would fix it when we got home. I was skeptical. We got home, and he lead me to the kitchen. He then told me to stick my fingers in my ears. He filled a glass quarter full of water and then made me drink it while he was holding it. Lo and behold, when I was done drinking and took my fingers out my ears, my hiccups were gone.

Conclusion: My boyfriend is a wizard.

 

@increasinglyCoherent is playing Shadow of the Colossus. She's attempting to shoot down the doves in the temple, just because it's possible I guess. She managed to get one, her first question to me: "...Can I eat it?"

(my response: "dead dove...do not eat." she walked straight into it i couldn't help it...)

 

G: Are you going to come eat lunch or did I buy you a sandwich for nothing?
A: I didn't know where you put the sandwich, so I was waiting for you to reveal the sandwich.
G: "Reveal the sandwich?" Am I magician now?
A: Yes. Reveal the sandwich unto me.
G: Well here, let me just pull a sandwich out of my hat, at which point neither of them are any good anymore.

 

So I was talking with @Socket about name change things and

Me: "So, if we got married would you want to take my name?"
Socket: "..................Louise?"

Oh dear.

 

@increasinglyCoherent I cannot help but imagine this taking place between the two heads of your avatar.

 

@Kaylotta omg i just silent wheeze laughed

 

@Kaylotta omg I literally cackled and i'm glad nobody was around to hear it bc it was not dignified

 

While I was taking a shower this morning:
Husband: *peeking through the curtain* I'm spying on yooooou
Me (who has just lathered up with face wash): *turns around, smushes cheeks and pouts* Ish ma beauty routine shekshy?
Both: *proceed to cackle for a full straight minute and almost fall down in the process*

 

FLORIDA MAN RUINS YET ANOTHER HAPPY MARRIAGE

 

A: "Babe didn't you drop a thermite reaction through the engine block of a teacher's car?"
G: "... not a teacher's car. Why?"
A:"Discussion with a friend."
G: "I am not going to become an accessory to whatever it is you're going to do."

 

[9/16/16, 10:12:58 AM] [friend]: I love [my boyfriend], that's it
[9/16/16, 10:25:00 AM] [boyfriend]: I feel special ^3^
[9/16/16, 10:26:34 AM] [friend]: You should son, [me] is trash
[9/16/16, 10:34:14 AM] the BRAIN WHACKER (tA): fuckin rude
[9/16/16, 10:34:26 AM] the BRAIN WHACKER (tA): that hurts my goddamn feefees
[9/16/16, 11:12:34 AM] [boyfriend]: Hey now [friend] he might be trash but he's the trash I'm dating

i'm so glad that the bf thinks highly of me.

 

the saga continues

[9/16/16, 8:49:56 PM] [boyfriend]: I'm going to punch you tomorrow
[9/16/16, 8:50:01 PM] the BRAIN WHACKER (tA): gay
[9/16/16, 8:50:19 PM] the BRAIN WHACKER (tA): will that be before or after i arm u w/ a hammer
[9/16/16, 8:50:52 PM] [boyfriend]: After
[9/16/16, 8:51:26 PM] [boyfriend]: If you are smart I would hide the hammer till after I punch you
[9/16/16, 8:51:36 PM] [friend]: [tA] isn't smart
[9/16/16, 8:51:46 PM] the BRAIN WHACKER (tA): i’m rlly not
[9/16/16, 8:52:07 PM] the BRAIN WHACKER (tA): plz don’t kill me down here i’m supposed to get hatecrimed in north carolina
[9/16/16, 8:56:35 PM] [boyfriend]: I wouldn't be a hate crime, it would be a crime out of love
[9/16/16, 8:56:47 PM] the BRAIN WHACKER (tA): exactly
[9/16/16, 8:56:58 PM] the BRAIN WHACKER (tA): don’t ruin my big moment
[9/16/16, 9:01:32 PM] [boyfriend]: Wow attention hog
[9/16/16, 9:01:40 PM] [boyfriend]: Maybe I want a moment too
[9/16/16, 9:01:50 PM] the BRAIN WHACKER (tA): get ur own fuckin moment
[9/16/16, 9:02:00 PM] [boyfriend]: Fuck you
[9/16/16, 9:02:07 PM] the BRAIN WHACKER (tA): ;)
[9/16/16, 9:02:07 PM] [friend]: I can sense the the love

 

[10:11:52 PM] Britt "Nightmare Person" Freed: tbh ur gonna make the best bad pearl i am excite. leather jacket + jeans suddenly = insanly badass
[10:12:52 PM] REPRESSED NERD: yesssssssssss
[10:13:07 PM] REPRESSED NERD: like this delicious mcdonald
[10:13:35 PM] Britt "Nightmare Person" Freed: i need macnaldos...
[10:15:16 PM] REPRESSED NERD: i'm blanking on their slogan
[10:15:38 PM] Britt "Nightmare Person" Freed: i love a the it
[10:15:51 PM] REPRESSED NERD: orite
[10:15:59 PM] REPRESSED NERD: HAVE IT IN A WAY
[10:16:04 PM] Britt "Nightmare Person" Freed: I LOVE A THE YOU
[10:16:18 PM] REPRESSED NERD: i love a the BRITT
[10:16:19 PM] REPRESSED NERD: <3

we literally flirt in memes and it's wonderful

 

me, to a very sleepy boyfriend: " I love you even though your face makes me itchy."

 

Spoiler: contains a nsfw link so spoipering this

[9/17/2016 9:18:49 PM] Britt "Nightmare Person" Freed: http://sinpphire.tumblr.com/post/125105560000/dumps-all-this-rupphire-here THIS
[9/17/2016 9:19:19 PM] REPRESSED NERD: OMG...
[9/17/2016 9:19:24 PM] REPRESSED NERD: THAT ONE AT THE END
[9/17/2016 9:19:26 PM] REPRESSED NERD: SO CUTE
[9/17/2016 9:20:16 PM] Britt "Nightmare Person" Freed: its just... has the sex... memes... makes a sleep
[9/17/2016 9:20:21 PM] Britt "Nightmare Person" Freed: it us
[9/17/2016 9:20:38 PM] REPRESSED NERD: yessssss
[9/17/2016 9:20:58 PM] Britt "Nightmare Person" Freed: clearly the best intimacy
[9/17/2016 9:21:09 PM] REPRESSED NERD: wholesome gay sex
[9/17/2016 9:21:55 PM] Britt "Nightmare Person" Freed: wholesome sin

 

i hate my boyfriend