Somebody asks "what happened to your arms?" and I'm like "a blackberry bush? probably?" It's a bunch of parallel lines......... what do they think couldve happened??? Short sleeve season is here again and I really need better ways to answer this question. Like. I'm not embarrassed by my scars or anything, but it seems kind of a heavy conversation to be having with a relative stranger :/
@Mostly Harmless self harm's well known enough that they know exactly what those scars are from. there's a strong chance that the person's just being a dick, at least in my experience. they want to hear you admit to it for...some reason?
i hurt myself at work. for being hand hurt in a way that impeded doing work good. so i irritated the wound. am smart, do brain good.
yesterday was bad. slammed my head against the wall a bunch and punched myself in the face hard enough that I saw dots, multiple times. did that so i wouldn't cut. wondered if cutting would actually be better.
my mum is more forgiving of blunt force self harm. when i admitted to cutting about eight months ago she was devastated. resulted in getting me my dog, because she thought that would mean i never did it again. jaw is still really tender though.
I always sort of poked myself with matches that I'd just blown out which didn't do much damage but hurt? maybe do something like that, instead of giving yourself brain damage.
i haven't cut in years. but admittedly do punch myself in the head/bang my head off things. i'm actually a little worried i may have caused myself to develop tinnitus :/
i really haven't found a good alternative at all. i just kind of suffer through wanting to. i also pick at my skin sort of unconsciously, which does sometimes mitigate me wanting to do more violent stuff, but it's obviously not the best solution since i end up with scabs all over.
My scars start itching sometime during their healing process. When the scar tissue is white and fresh, and the skin is still red around it. Sometimes it is easier to stop the itching by going over them again. But this keeps them fresh, and I am bothered when family I do not see often pulls at my sleeves to look at the marks...have been rubbing at the area since, and now thinking of baseball t's. Bleh.
Spoiler: this is not actually bad or even graphic sh talk but i feel better putting things under spoiler tabs i haven't done anything in a really long time but rn i am so incredibly tempted because i can't bring myself to grasp the urgency of deadlines and stuff like, time doesn't exist right now it isn't real and i know factually that if i don't get my work done before the deadline i'll be in trouble but i can't really understand it, i can't feel the urgency at all, and cutting/scratching has been a pretty reliable way to bring me back into the present in the past (no. no it hasn't.) ((also 'back into the present in the past' is a really funny line of words. wow)) idk i just feel like maybe moderated pain would help me focus and i mean it's not like i've ever seriously injured myself so idk idk idk idk i might try the wax thing to see if thats the right kind of pain bc if i cut my parents might notice and that would be Bad
does anyone else just. constantly want to hurt themselves? sometimes something will happen and i'll get a sudden jolt of wanting to, but lately 'wanting to hurt myself' is just like, the background radiation of my life. it's pretty much always on my mind. i don't know what to do. i haven't hurt myself, i just want my brain to stop telling me to over and over again.
Me yesterday in Skype chat: "Oh, I don't really self harm anymore." Me today: "...well about that..."
Spoiler: bad notgonna cut not gonna od not gonna do it things pass things get better i wasn't even that rude in my post about the facebook thing on tumblr i apologized the person will accept it or not its gonna get better im goinng tobe fine i dont need to kil myself over this i dont need to idont want tod ie things get better
