Spoiler Ex fun not functioning is kicking my butt today. And it really sucks because I hae to do all these things that are important. And I feel sad, and I want my mum but she's about two hours away. And wanting my mum makes me question whether I'm really a fully functioning adult like I claim to be. And I am mad at myself for not doing all the things I was supposed to do today. Which is only making things worse :(
*hugs* I am think for most people mum = love & support, and those are totally normal things to want when you're having a rough time and does not make you aNY less of An Official Adult.
Spoiler I am having a crappy week again for no reason at all. AT ALL! And I eel like I want to cry and I just feel awful in general. I just wish this would blow over.
I'm having a bad day. I spilled soda on my arm and I washed it off but it still feels sticky and gross and everything feels wrong, so i guess whatever that fits something fuck i'm so stupid, I don't know. I'm just wrong and I want out. I can't go anywhere and be alone, and if I do people will check on me or worry and I can't say shut up leave me alone it's not about you and be believed. I don't know. God.
@tinyhydra -hugs- Spoiler Am, overall, genderfluid. Have female body. Am sometimes female. Am sometimes male. Am sometimes both. Am sometimes neither. Am sometimes weird hermaphroditic alien gender with a tentadick. Am female today. Corset-and-petticoat-figure kind of female. Brain uses this to discredit genderfluidity. Feel awful.
@tinyhydra hugs if you want them. I've been there and it sucks. @whimsicalobservant brains have the worst habit of lying to us!! This may not help you, but since you said you're genderfluid I believe you and I don't think that you being female today makes you any less genderfluid!
Spoiler Hugs appreciated - between the mess of genderfeels nonsense and stress over the possible vanishment of my therapist and a hearty helping of Badly Timed Hormonal Garbage, I am not feeling the most good. I just want to reboot my entire day or something, I don't understand how I can feel like I go between being two identical but fundamentally HUGELY different versions of the same person and yuck yuck yuck basically
just had a panic/crying attack for absolutely no reason. then I threw up. man I love being mentally ill.
Spoiler my brain has been flipping its shit for the last two days. sometimes coming on kintsugi helps, sometimes it makes it way worse. sometimes looking at tumblr is pleasantly distracting, sometimes it causes me to get stuck in a loop of obsessive bad thoughts. my sleep schedule's also kind of fucked and last night I couldn't sleep because of that and also because of physical discomfort from anxiety, so I took one of the klonopin I have, but my uncle claimed those are just for Actual Currently Happening Panic Attacks so I'm worried about getting addicted whenever I take them for anything that isn't that.
Spoiler: gross I am the yucky kind of ill and I'm all by myself and I want my mommy :( Also, I am most likely this because I ate something out of my freezer, and now I have to pitch not only the delicious chicken soup I made tonight (with chicken from my freezer) but also all the food that is still in there. Which means I am out money, and also: I won't have any food to eat tomorrow or lunch for the rest of the week.
Spoiler i'm feeling bad again, depression is hitting... ugh. i just keep feeling gross and invisible and like people wouldnt notice if i were gone and that everyone hates me and thinks i'm annoying and uuurgh i'm trying not to be paranoid but its hard
