Spoiler I am experiencing a complete physical burnout, which is annoying, and I think I just broke up with my husband, which is something else. A thing that happened. I have been lying on the floor in my parents' flat all day like "???????" because my emotions haven't caught up with me yet. The mental image of sitting in a box full of hugs goes a long way towards solving all my my problems, though.
Spoiler: you bring the cheese platter, I've brought plenty of whine Anyone who says money can't buy happiness is probably financially secure. Like, to say nothing of the nice things I wish I could afford, I'd be thrilled just to be able to buy at least somewhat healthy food and new clothes when mine develop holes. And all the medical requirements my husband needs -- there's surgery and help out there for people in his position! ...but only if you have the money. I'm tired of being poor and vulnerable and uncertain about the future. I'd get a job but then there's no one to take care of my husband, and I'm a college drop out with no marketable skills, so the only job I'd be able to get is manual labor, which my arthritic knees wouldn't let me do. I've tried -- I worked at 7-11 before my husband got disabled and I couldn't make it a year, even with me constantly popping pain pills. And even IF I could find a job allowing me to sit, it would have to pay more than what we're getting for disability, or we'd be getting LESS money a month. It's hard enough to claw your way out of poverty when you're able bodied and alone. I don't know if it's possible to do it when you're broken and carrying someone else. hugs pls. :(
Spoiler: Whining I'm tired of working 16 hour days and I miss my dogs and I want to go home. This is a great opportunity and cool science and all that, but today I would swap the "great opportunity" for a week of sleeping in my own bed, home-cooked food, and a regular schedule. I'm so tired.
Spoiler: badbadbadbad I don't know if I can find a welding job before I graduate and I don't know what to do if my degree is useless because I didn't even bother researching, and I knew better should have payed attention, didn't, stupid, bad. Such an idiot, always, know better, bt I do the wrong thing anyways, and I don't know. Freaking out. Don't wanna worry anyone. Lying to y therapist, not on prpose, I sck at talking and I don't want to ake everything worse, bt i will becase i' an idiot and i sck.
*raises this thread from the dead because I need a hug* Spoiler: Ugh Neck still hurts from car accident two weeks ago. Muscle relaxers help, but I can't take them during the day because they make me too groggy to drive or work. Going to the doctor this afternoon. There is so much paperwork. I've been borrowing from the next day's spoons for about a week and a half now and now I feel like it would take several days of solid sleeping and puttering around the house just to get back to zero spoons.
Starter died in my car at the gas station today. Ended up waiting for an hour in freezing temperatures, in my dainty workshoes with no socks and a car with no working heater. Gas station attendant refused to let me stay in the manager's room to warm up so feet got scary numb and I legit worried over frostbite or at least frostnip. Forgot my phone at my mom's, so all I could do was call her via my own phone, as I can't remember anyone's phone number but my own. Had no idea when fiance or mom would come to get me. Cried in my car with a panic attack because it was really cold and I didn't know how to call for a tow without a phone, as I only was allowed to use the phone in the manager's office once. After fiance arrived, we waited an additional hour for the two truck. Went to a distant AAA service station instead of any of my regular locations. Expensive, charging three hundred just to check the car, possibly way more for the actual repair. I am getting overtime, but I wanted to save most for the wedding and get a haircut. Instead, I need to delay a bill to throw money in now, and add even more next month. I just want to keep my money, but every time I get a small savings going, my car explodes somehow and I'm sick of it. Also, I have not showered or cleaned today at all, and I am too out of spoons to do so.
Spoiler: whines I have a job finally but my coworkers are racist ableist homophobic transphobic fuckheads and I am a gay trans mentally ill Native American and it sucks and I want hugs
thanks. (: hopefully I can find a better job soon, but...it's really difficult to get a job while having the mental issues I have. there's...not a lot that I can do, I mostly got this job because all I do is sit and work on computers and never talk and that's about all I can manage, so...I don't know the odds of me even finding a better job.
Spoiler: bleh I have had a long, long, long day today. It was an okay sort of day, but it was long, I was already tired going into it, and then the afternoon turned out to be really chaotic. I was in the hospital until 6.15 pm, which is waaaaaaaaay too late for my tastes, and now I have two hours until I have to go to bed and I still need to shower which I don't want to do because of spoons. I am basically massively overloaded, and also I have to be in the hospital 15 minutes earlier than normal because of the way rounds are done on Fridays, and who even thought of doing them that way on fucking Fridays?
