The Mandatory Dating Advice/Love Thread

How are things going? Did you see her again? :D

I have a question for people more experienced with these things than I: when do you mention to your parents that you've been dating? I've been on three dates now, and I mean, I wouldn't even call him my boyfriend yet... My sister was quick about it, but it feels premature, somehow, you know?
Anyone want to weigh in on this? :P

 

@Emma - I haven't seen her again yet, but we've been texting intermittently. School just started up again for her so she's quite busy! We are hopefully going to do Arts Walk on Friday together or think of something to do saturday afternoon :DDDD hopefully things work out with our schedules and we can do these things. I miss her already lol!

 

@Emma i'd say if you're not calling him a boyfriend yet, your parents don't need to meet him. meeting the parents can happen because of circumstances before that, sure, but deliberately induced "hey this is so and so, they're important to me and planning to stay in my life a while" meetings need to have it established between the two of you that they're indeed important and gonna stay in your life first. at the moment he's more of a romantic acquaintance than a romantic partner.

 

@reiyel Oh, He's definitely not meeting my parents yet! I just meant, when do you tell your parents that you're dating? This is the first time I've really been dating, so I have no experience with these things :P That's how basic my question was XD

 

hahahaha okay, i misread. XD

it depends on how close you are with your parents, and how openly you guys talk about feelings, but if you're especially happy about it you could probably tell them "yeah i met someone and idk where it's going but i hope it keeps going!" even right now. i think... imagine yourself in two months, is he still around and do you guys still have fun interaction that makes you happy? if so then yeah, if you think 'nah i might be bored of him already' then probably don't bother. if you want to keep some privacy, though, or you like him but it's not a fizzy crush feeling yet, wait another three or four dates? mentioning that an Interesting Dude appeared in your life doesn't have to be the massive social event that meeting the parents is, it could just be a casual anecdote about your life, but at the same time they might be interested enough to ask more details than you would be comfortable sharing, so plan around that.

... okay, this is super useless as advice goes. it really depends on family ambiance and usual level of emotional sharing y'all do, it's got a lot less social expectations attached to it to format the "right" way to do it, so basically it's going to be highly personalized and there's no wrong way to do it.

(okay, if someone in the room is currently talking about getting a divorce it's probably the wrong time, but. :p)

 

Yeah. The thing is that for me, dating feels really personal, and like, I would expect my parents to ask me all these questions about him and stuff, and I am not sure I want to answer yet.
I can definitely see him still being around in two months, but perhaps telling them when we've only been on four dates is a bit too early... Ugh. I find this complicated :P

I had a conversation about dating him this afternoon with some of my fellow medical interns, and it was just weird to have a conversation about dating where the subject was me. I'm not used to those types of conversation being about me. They are usually about other people!
I'll go with the flow I suppose, depends on how our fourth date goes as well :P

 

4th date in T-60min (approximately...). I'm feeling kind of anxious about it for some reason...

 

awgh. does this person make you feel tense when you guys are together, though? he's hung out with you in romantic settings three times and liked you enough to ask for a fourth. was there anything specific that made you feel awkward about the last three dates, or is this just generalized "what if/Things Are Changing Now"? the way you talked about him you seemed to be pretty glad that this was going on.

edit: you're probably on your date by now. whoops. i hope it goes well and your nervousness fades away and you have a lot of fun!

 

There won't be a third date. Of course now I'm worried that she found this forum and found my posts. My paranoia is through the roof because I don't know why she decided to not go on anymore dates with me. She told me this through a text.

 

@ectoBiologist i'm sorry to hear that. e-hugs? :(

if she wasn't connected to your tumblr, though, it's vanishingly unlikely that she could have found seebs' and from there this forum. i get that paranoia doesn't respond super well to things like that, but as a doublecheck... it is super, super unlikely. what's more likely is that she enjoys talking to you, and she was checking to see if she would enjoy you pants-wise, and ... well, it's still a disappointment, and it hurts, but it's nothing you actively did to make yourself abhorrent to her, either.

also did you say anything that you wouldn't stand behind on this forum? because even if she did find it... well, if that was a reason to stop here for her, then you guys would really just not be suited for each other. :(

 

That's the question, isn't it? Last time I was really happy at the end of the date, and now I was quite happy at the beginning. Sort of: look, we're sort of cuddling on the couch watching a movie, this is cool. I think the anticipation was for proper making out, and we've done that now. To be perfectly honest, it's weird, and I am not sure I like it.
I am unclear whether this is because he is a horrible kisser, or whether I need more practice or what, but we made out like four times tonight, with tongues, and it's just ugh...

 

ahahaha. yeah, i didn't especially enjoy french kissing either. i mean it's charged with all these romantic connotation by society, so it's got some emotional meaning, but as a sexy act i found it... eh.

necking, now. wow. you guys should try to kiss other places than on the mouth, maybe it'll feel more interesting, or more intimate.

 

I am going to talk this over with real life people who know me somewhat better as well, but tbh I'm not sure I really like him romantically... I mean, he's a decent enough person, but he does some things that get on my nerves a little, and he also made a couple of stupid jokes earlier, that I just didn't find very funny...

 

hmmm. well, the stupid joke may have been a case of OMG SO NERVOUS, WHAT IF THEY THINK I'M BORING, QUICK A JOKE. HAHA. UM. at the same time, if he regularly grates, yeah. :(

i have to say that you describing him as "decent enough" is kinda damning with fait praise here. welp.

 

I had a video chat date with a really cute and awesome girl last weekend and I want to ask What We Are exactly because I don't know if we're A Thing or not and like. How do. How ask. Help.

 

Aah, in my experience i think it's best to just be upfront about asking what kinda thing you're in with a person? just be like, yo, idk where this is going, do you know where this is going? what are we doing? just be friendly and open to hearing whatever they're thinking and stuff

then again, i've never dated c| i just have experience in friends with benefits figuring out. the moment where you're like 'ok we had sex out of nowhere last night, but like, this isn't romantic, right?' is a fun one.

how does one find people do date i want to do that someday maybe plz

 

It may be because I've done it online, but we had decent communication so things went smoothly as far as the 'where are we whats going on with us' thing. 'Course, because it was online we didn't need to worry about physical stuff, but after a month of talking every day we were using the L word and it was another month before we agreed we were comfortable referring to each other as a couple/boyfriend-girlfriend. Once we meet, since we have known each other for a two and a half years (my god that's a long time, I just realized) i think hand holding and hugs will definitely be a thing we'll both be agreeing on, and I'm alright with tongueless kisses at the beginning, I haven't asked him. Everything else will take more time since knowing someone online is a lot different than having dated them in person and being used to them there.

So if I had to give advice (not that it's much, but I would say 2 years, even with the same person, is decent experience?) I'd advocate for communication and listening to yourself and each other.

 

So I'm ready to go back on the horse and try dating some more now that I'm feeling nimble again. (Not sure if nimble is the right word here but we'll roll with it). What is the best way to meeting queers who are into transdudes? Especially if transdude is non-passing and pre-hormone? I live in a pretty queer-friendly city, but I just don't know how to meet singles who are into ::gestures self:: this androgynous mess thing that I am .

 

I'm not entirely sure, but my method of meeting cool queer people was to go to kink munches. Friendly get togethers of people into bdsm with no pressure to do anything but socialize, good stuff. But if you're not into that scene, then i have no cluee

 

hmm... I've been curious about BDSM but have never tried anything beyond some weird roleplaying I've done in the past xD I wonder if my interest in trying it counts?