shit i just remembered my sister is in florida right now and i kinda wanna ask if she's alright. wearing my 'i'm an ally' button today, i don't have anything else....tho i DO have a love is love shirt....i hope its clean, that might work better. ...im not surprised, but I AM disappointed some news outlets aren't mentioning that it was an lgbt club. even saying that would get the message out to more people that, no matter what they say about isis, there was more than our fucking hate boner for muslims man am i tired of that fucking mindset. mlerghhh. going to just float around kinda sad and get some chocolate and hug my brother real hard
((this is not directed at you personally, but this comment is what made me realise that this is a thing i'm feeling, stand by for venting)) Spoiler ha haha oh my god, i'm scared of gathering now. i'm scared of being visible and visibly gathered and being in crowds of easily identified hbtq people or at hbtq events or anything like the scenario described above (which should be a fucking dream) because what if that makes it easier for people to find us and target us and kill us? oh my god, i live in one of the safest countries in the world, this shouldn't even affect me but i still feel sick to my stomach at the thought of hbtq gatherings. i still feel like going to hbtq spaces is now the equivalent of putting a huge target over our heads. i'm not afraid of me personally being identified as a lesbian, but being in a crowd of us? terrifying! it's 2016! i should not have to feel this way! none of us should have to feel this way! fuck this.
To be honest, I don't give two shits whether or not it was ISIS targeting a "symbol of US acceptance" it was still a hate crime, first and foremost, directed towards the LGBT community and, let's be completely fucking honest this could have just as easily been a radical Christian statement I'm sorry if that comes off as attacking you, that's not my intention, I'm just... to me it doesn't matter who did it though I am a little worried that if it does turn out to be an ISIS attack, our own home-grown bigots are going to be swept under the rug again and they'll still be there, lurking, a threat to us but people outside the community, people who aren't affected, will act like the only threats are from outside the country
Yeah, the people banging the "IT WUZ ISIS" drum are, strangely enough, putting their fingers in their ears and going "lalalalalalala" when it's pointed out that the dude who got caught in a car full of guns and possible bomb-making paraphernalia on the way to LA Pride was white and Christian. Also, this close to going the fuck off on some straight cis "allies" lowkey shaming actual queer and trans people for thinking about sitting pride out this year. Gosh, you're right, it's not like there might be an understanable reason why some of us might want to avoid large gatherings of queer and trans people in an OPEN CARRY STATE right now
honestly? I'm kind of glad the Pride near me has come and gone--none of my friends even went this year, but I know that if they were going and it hadn't happened yet I'd probably be begging them not to go, because I'm so scared for their lives right now.
one of my friends just had the fucking nerve to pull a "yeah, but it's not like this was a hate crime". what do you....what the fuck do you think it was?? and then he goes "and it's not like there's any sense in worrying because you're vastly more likely to be killed by something else than by a hate crime" and I. I don't know what to say to that. I finally read Buzzfeed's list of victims' names and short stories. I can't stop fucking sobbing.
"It certainly seems worse to those looking on, but I don't reckon that once people have hit their graves, they give much of a shit how they got there." is this supposed to make me feel better. is this supposed to help somehow?? why are you saying this. why can't you just let us mourn in peace.
@chaoticArbiter I'm sorry dude that's so shitty. can you comfortably tell them to fuck off, or some politer phrasing? they shouldn't be upsetting you like this, not if they consider you their friend >:( the only person I've talked to about this has been you guys and my mom, who i can trust to not be all. Sharon On Facebook about it
fuck, I just realized why this is hitting me so hard I've always kind of been afraid, in the back of my mind, about being me. I've been scared about fully transitioning because there's going to be that period where I'm pretty sure it'll be a flashing neon light going "HEY I'M TRANS" but I've always been able to just kind of shove it to the back of my mind so it's been vague and undefined. I mean sure there have been hate crimes but none of them felt so viscerally real as this and because this is real, all my fear is now real, it's real and it's terrifying, and I keep imagining how much more terrifying it is for the people who were involved, and fuck
unfortunately not. he wouldn't take it well. I'll probably just agree with him and then tell him I have stuff to do and stop talking to him for a bit. I tried talking to my mom about it. she won't acknowledge that it's happened beyond a "well we don't know it was a hate crime." why are all the people around me besides you guys so obsessed with talking abut how this definitely wasn't a hate crime? @raginghearts sympathy like. I get where you're coming from.
my mom has cnn on and anderson cooper just makes me so sad because he sounds like he's choking up when he's talking and i'm trying to like avoid my personal tumblr dash and just play video games, but it's so hard and my mom and i are just crying. i can't even begin to imagine how the families feel.
I've been anxious and tense and upset all day, and I finally snapped at a stupid kid spouting anti-Islamic BS on my wife's facebook. Why won't he just GO THE FUCK AWAY.
seriously what part of 'keep your hate out of people's grief' induces you to keep telling me about how i'm living in denial
they show a snapchat video and text messages from people that died and i just. i can't imagine. i can't. i'm distraught and crying for these poor people and i can't imagine the pain their families are dealing with. this is just. i'm glad i'm not on facebook anymore i dont know how i could manage to deal with those shitbags you guys have to deal with. hugs for all of you.
the mayor was talking about how we all need to give blood and there was this mass almost-wail of 'we can't's from all the men present and when they read through all the names people kept on sobbing -you could tell who was from the area because it'd get louder- and oh. oh, it's hitting me now and it hurts
...well, I feel better about my facebook confrontation now. I backed him into saying "quit using your twisted logic of facts," NO LIE, and then he blocked me. I feel like including @Anomal(eee) 's response to him as well, but since it is only tangentially relevant it will be spoilered. Spoiler: opposing islamophobia "The only difference is that Islam is not the dominant religion here, and most of its adherents are brown, so they're an easy target for the usual xenophobia that we turn to rather than admitting that a murderous homophobe is as all-American as cherry pie. If your's so worried about keeping the gay community safe, then you need to quit pretending that there is anything special about this particular homophobe with a gun being Muslim and acknowledge that the ideology that moved him finds an excuse in every religion or lack thereof. Or you can quit spouting your pseudo-intellectual bullshit and let us grieve our dead without your pretentious ass acting like the solution to our problem is just one little lynch mob away." She gives her full permission to quote or paragraph her arguments in any difficult discussions like this anyone else is having with family members or friends. I was sticking, for the most part, to the much simpler refrain of "keep your hate out of our grief."
I did a stupid thing and went and logged into my old facebook account where all of my family is there's not a single word about the Pulse from any of them they're continuing and talking about shit as if it was any old day I was expecting hate, but not... nothing. and somehow the Nothing hurts more
I wanted to post what my mom texted me today, because it made me feel better, and if anyone wants to adopt my mom for the duration, they're welcome. (subtracting my half of the convo because I was feeling very raw) "It certainly is a cause to cry. Keep talking. Keep supporting each other. There are more people than you know who are supportive of you and your friends. "Sometimes it takes a while to figure stuff out. Speculation is not our friend. And yes I hope more protection can be given too. "We love you and are feeling your pain. Dig deep and find something positive somewhere. Even if it's a simple 'I hear you' to a friend. We are all connected and any communication and compassion is important to support each other. "I love you "Take a break, don't listen to the news and talk for a while. Give yourself some time to process and mourn. You can't help others until you help yourself. "I love you! "You my dearest will NEVER be able to love me more than I love you! I LOVE YOU MOSTESTESTEST!"
