THE SPACE NAVY AU (18+)

You clap enthusiastically. "Oh, bravo! But don't give yourself vocal polyps, I don't know how he does it, perhaps he has an implant." You ruffle his hair for sheer enthusiasm, then help yourself to ice cream. "What about Kadros, I'll bet your Kadros impression is flawless."

 

You take a deep breath, and let out a long, frustrated sigh. Also you toss your hair. Everything in the world bothers you, but fortunately: you are also so hot and competent that you can let everyone know how much you don't care that it bothers you. Emotions are for people with less hair.

 

You cover your mouth with both hands to hold in a giggle. It's so accurate you can practically see his nose getting beakier.

 

Lainey gives you a pat and you bask in her approval.

"See? He's a champion."

 

"I have never been so proud to have matching horns with someone," you announce, flapping a hand at your sternum in an excess of emotion. "I'm all verklempt."

 

"Huh." Lainey looks Whitey over. "Man, you guys do look kind of similar, aren't you? I mean, except for the whole... white..y thing. And size. Maybe you share a progenitor. Or maybe it's just that the gene pool's really shallow on your end of the spectrum." She laughs at herself. "Haha, shallow."

She puts some sushi in her ice cream and tries to eat it, then grimaces. "Wow, no." She gives the ice-cream covered sushi to Erskin, who goes into raptures.

 

"Wouldn't those be the same thing? I mean... sharing a progenitor, and shallow gene pool. The latter would imply the former, I think." It's hard to collect your thoughts, but you're pretty sure that makes sense. "Erskin and I have precisely the same blood color, after all, and as far as I know we're the only ones at the moment. The only ones with this particular wine color. Which is the prettiest color." You put your cheek next to Erskin's so you can beam at Lainey together. "Orchid fins! Do our nails."

 

You sling an arm around Whitey and give him a nuzzle. You've been intimate with other seadwellers, but never comfortable. It's nearly as good as sushi ice cream.

"What'll you give me, Lord Dasyat?" Lainey teases. She takes one of Whitey's hands and starts massaging the palm. "Royal manicures don't come cheap!"

 

"Champagne and sushi?" you offer sweetly. "Ooh that feels nice. How about a pedi? Tell me you have some open-toed shoes, I'll give you gold star toe claws, you will walk among the galaxy. And then we can all play frog toss in the park!"

You are higher on that nuzzle from Erskin than you are on the candy. He likes you! He is your darling child, and you are suddenly deeply glad you consented to be turned lusus, whatever else came of it. "This is a beautiful moment. You are both so beautiful."

 

"I'm glad you noticed," Lainey says solemnly. "I was starting to feel mad unappreciated." She rubs Whitey's other hand, then holds both of them and takes a look at the claws. "Yeah, okay, sit up. You want gold too? I got some of that stick on gilding foil. You can owe me."

 

"Can you do gold veining on white, like quartz? That would look so fabulous, I tried to do it once but I don't have the fine control with my off hand -- Erskin, darling, hold still, you're my comfy pillow. Excellent." As soon as she lets go of one of your hands, you use it to snag a champagne glass, which has conveniently become refilled somehow. "I just learned how to do galaxy pattern, bright-on-black, I'll do you turquoise and fire nebulas with gold stars -- Erskin, what do you want? Ooh, what if pond green with grass and flowers?"

(what if erskin shows up to his next physical therapy sesh with jethro-colored nails?)

 

"Just green," you say. "Green is the best. Plants, you know. Green nails for Greenfin— hey! Lainey. Hey. Paint... my fins."

"I'll do you next, pumpkin."

"Mm."

You're not entirely sure what's going on with the tangle of bodies: Whitey isn't a light troll, and you aren't a well-padded one, but nothing seems to hurt, and you can reach his long snowy plum of hair with your fingers. You start finger-combing the perfectly set curls.

"You're like foam," you say dreamily. "And sunlight."

 

You just about blank out from happiness. "You're so sweet," you say when you can talk. "You are the sweetest. You make me glad I'm a lusus type fiduspawn. It was awful but now it's not. I'm happy." You tell Lainey too in case she missed it: "I'm so happy! You're my best friend, Lainey. You're brilliant at hair products, too."

 

"I'm sorry you were awful," you say sincerely. You start to put little braids in Whitey's hair. "You're here now, I'll put, I'll make you, okay. Now. You'll be good. I'll clean on you."

Lainey's just laughing at the two of you. She's got another glass of fizzy stuff and is busy wiping off Whitey's claw polish to put new stuff on. There's a row of glittery bottles and such along the back of the seat now.

Lainey goes, "You're a good friend, too, Vaziok. I'm not doing the marble thing, though, that's stupid, you're already pale enough without washing your claws out. You're getting black lacquer and gilded tips, it's gonna look great."

You say, "Black! I want, Bel. For black, you should do, er, him. For nails, do his black, it'd be hot. So hot."

 

"But he's not here? He can't be here, don't invite him, if Bel is manicure then who is driving the ship?"

 

"Aw," you go.

"Galley's got it handled, probably," Lainey says. "Though he certainly won't do it as cheerfully without Bel around to give him puppy eyes, it's true. I think they've worked up to pet names for each other? I think 'not bitchily working out how to fry you' is a pretty soppy endearment on our Helmsman's part, anyway. Dude can motor but goddamn he doesn't like it." She finishes her glass and pours another, then goes, "Hold still, I'm fixing your tips," and starts doing some very delicate work with sculpting epoxy.

 

You hold perfectly still, because Lainey is tremendously clever and is going to make you beautiful. When you think you can talk without jostling your fingertips, you murmur, "I'm so fascinated by your Helmsman. He's got such an awful reputation, but everyone seems to like him, and I didn't know carriers could go this fast. I run with a triple Helm, they take shifts so they're always fresh, but I think even on a sprint they don't quite match the helmspower you have here."

 

"He's a gemini," Lainey says. "Pretty close match to the engine that the Condesce herself uses, or so I've heard, this carrier was actually built to be a really awesome top-of-the-line piece of technology with one of the finest possible helmsmen available. The hull's uniquely suited for the stresses, or some shit like that, it looks like a scruffy brick but it was meant to shuttle between galactic arms. You know how fast her Imperious Condescension's said to go. I think this might have attended her, if Galley grew up like he was supposed to.

"Unfortunately for fucking everyone, the decorated dedicated professional put in charge of this sweet ride was, on official reports, self-defeatingly paranoiac, and on Galley's reports, a sick grub-groper. Helmsmen have snapped conditioning for less. So like, he almost plowed this hunk straight into Alternia, could have cracked a continent open or something. Got his Captain culled for it. After that the behavioral patches just taught him what to do with a loophole and he's been chewing through the high brass ever since. With a majority lowblood population, having a lot of purple notches on your horn is pretty fucking respectable, you know? Being a belligerent pain in the nook is also just fine."

You put in, "Still betting. They're, er. There's still. Betting. On how long I'll me. I'm a record though!"

Lainey pulls one of your horns forward so she can kiss your head. You go "Prrp!"

"There's always lot of angry, fucked up rejects, around here," Lainey says. "I was a lot pissier myself when I got dumped aboard. You end up respecting anyone who makes it. Galley's, what, twenty?"

"Eighteen," you say uncertainly.

"Eh. See? So he's a character. Might kill you. But a character."

 

Lainey finishes with the sculpting epoxy and sits back to let the highblood's new set of elegant talons harden.

"A heating element will make that go faster," she notes. "And another drink will make me happier."

 

You summon these items, and some flowers, because you have just realized everyone needs to experience flowers right now. When they arrive, you tell Lainey solemnly, "Don't let me make Erskin a flower crown. He ought to have one, but I'd ruin your hard work." You waggle your now-beautiful claws under the heat lamp your ever-competent staff has arranged for you.