THE SPACE NAVY AU (18+)

"So have you, Captain," you tell him, smiling up at him, just for the moment letting your admiration show. "I'm going to give you mountains of crap over every little thing once I'm better, because someone ought to, and I'm crazy pitch for you and I love harrassing you. But you need to know: you are a hell of a good captain. None of us will ever forget how you watched over us and how you fought for us. Even if we don't all make it, more of us will than if you'd been the Fleet standard seadweller type captain who treats us as interchangeable parts."

 

At this you have to let go of him to cover your burning face with your hands.

"Well he's clearly snapped, take him away," you tell the attending medics. "Aaaffgh, Kadros."

He laughs as he goes, and you see— when you peek between between your fingers— just before he leaves, he's smiling, and you're smiling and it's... it's nice. You manage to hold on to that feeling for hours, even as everything else falls further apart.

 

Back in your quarantine block, you spend some time just fixing that image in your mind: Erskin's smiling eyes, his flushed fins, his adorable embarrassment when you pay him a compliment. You wish you had the cognitive function to write a poem about it. It's been a long time since you've wanted to write poetry about anything. It's a nice feeling.

Maybe this illness is a blessing in disguise. It's taught you what you truly value, and given you a chance to fight for it. You're not going to let Them destroy it.

Feeling so close to Erskin gives you the courage to try to repair things with Galley. The first step, you decide, is to contact Lainey.

CH: * Evening, LT. How are you and Ensign Doumah holding up?

 

DD: Pretty good, considering. Arguus says 'Hi.'
DD: We set up an aux. medical block near residential for the rest of the population, thought you should know if you don't already. Put the whole aft end of the ship under quarantine till Saint Pancho gets here, we just figured it'd be safer, and also like, how that old saying goes, right? Misery, company, passionate flushed connection there. If I don't get to sit on MY bae I'm damned if anyone else gets any gross spore-flavored nookie either.
DD: How's you, man? You seem like...
DD: Surprisingly not bonkers. Maybe your whole infection rate deal is slowing down, huh? That'd be fucking awesome.

 

CH: * No, sadly, I am pretty far round the twist, as our beloved leader would say. I just got back from dialysis so I'm unusually clearheaded.
CH: * It's just that so far my emotional outbursts seem to be taking the form of crying jags and "I love you man" type sentimentality.
CH: * Fingers crossed for that stage to last as long as possible.
CH: * By the way, Erskin is *so cute* when you compliment him. He literally hides in his hands. How do you stand it? I would flip pale if he weren't so slappable and didn't have such a perfect ass.

 

DD: Haha I know, right?
DD: We kind of sneak compliments in sideways.
DD: For a dude who has like, PLEASE LOVE ME tattooed across his stupid fucking face, he gets squirrely as a nut factory when you go and do. But like whatever, it'd be weirder if he grew up how he did with like no weird brain problems at all, like, what would that even be. It'd be dumb.
DD: Man, how did you even grow up though? Like just the thought of you having a moirail is kinda hilarious. I just figured you rolled out of the egg and toddled off to the nearest spaceport to report for duty.

 

CH: * Heh, well, that's the impression I try to give, so... go me.
CH: * Funny story, I actually skipped the trial caverns. Apparently I liked to climb even as a grub, and managed to get out through some little hole to the surface.
CH: * My lusus was hanging around looking for an easy meal, but since our colors matched, he bonded with me instead of eating me.
CH: * Pancho theorizes that's why I'm not very prone to violent urges, because I didn't get that early introduction to combat. I mean, I'm quite good at violence, but it's a deliberate choice, not an instinct, for the most part. So that might be why I'm crooning like the entire ship's lusus rather than chewing the walls.
CH: * I don't need her to pacify me, I need her to jolly me out of my sulks and keep me from fussing myself into an aneurysm. :)
CH: * While we're sharing personal details... I hope it's not too rude to ask, but I've been wondering all this time, how can you and Erskin share a moirail? Isn't that awfully hard on Arguss?

 

DD: Uhhhhhhhhh
DD: Well okay like, I guess, the way Erskin and Arguus take care of each other is just different from how me and Arguus do, and how me and Erskin also do. They're just both really weird kids! It takes a lot of like, different angles. Or approaches, or whatever. Iterations?
DD: I dunno.
DD: And I mean it's not like Erskin even thinks he's GOT a moirail. I think half the time the crazy little asshole doesn't actually get that he's got a matesprit.
DD: It's, you know, it's whatever.

 

CH: * Huh, okay. I think maybe I understand him a little better now, thanks.
CH: * Do you know how Galley's doing?

 

DD: Worried about you, mostly? Like as far as I can figure.
DD: He's pretty much locked himself down since whatever it was that had our Fearless Leader hauling butt across the ship to fix with you, which doesn't really matter since we're still on course.
DD: But if you want to drop him a line it'd probably make his night.

 

CH: * Yeah. He made a weird joke and I flipped out. I need to let him know it wasn't his fault.
CH: * You're the one in charge of holding onto quarantined crewmembers' sylladexes, right? I have some inks and brushes I'd like to give Galley. It's a library modus, they're filed under IL for 'illumination supplies'.
CH: * Could you have someone bring those to him?

 

DD: Haha ok, I'll send Arguus.
DD: LOL he mad
DD: ok he letf
DD: L E F
DD: t 2 go do hte thig
DD: fick
DD: ok byyyyyey <#

 

CH: * Haha oh no, your typing is really terrible when he's not around. :D
CH: * Thanks, Lainey. You're a true friend.

Whoops, better sign off before you get all sentimental about her. You close the chat. Your finger hovers over your contacts list as you try to gather courage -- until you realize you still don't actually have a chat contact for Galley. So you have to say it out loud:

"Galley? Do you have a moment?"

 

"Um," Galley says, through the tablet, after a long moment. "...Yyyes?"

He sounds intensely nervous.

 

"I uh. I want to apologize for flipping out. And, er, thank you for sending Erskin to help me. I overreacted because of the infection. It's been making me weepy and excitable so far instead of aggressive. I hope I didn't scare you too badly."

 

"No, I'm fine," Galley says. He does not sound at all fine. "Thank you for not being, uh. Mad at me. I mean, if it's possible for you to be angry right now. And you're choosing not to. Uh. I... am glad?"

The tablet is starting to spark.

"I'm sorry," he adds anxiously. "I really am."

 

"It's totally possible for me to be angry right now," you chuckle wryly. "You should've heard what I said to Sal. His ashen crush on me and Erskin is just so obnoxious. No, I'm not angry at you, honestly. I still don't get the joke or why you said it, but taking it so seriously and flipping out was all on me. You can explain if you like, or we can drop it, whichever you'd rather."

 

"I, uh. Um." A burst of static. "No, you should just, forget it. I'm not going to blow up anything now, I promise, so, it's okay. Right?"

 

"It's fine. Oh man, I really upset you, didn't I? Please imagine I'm holding your hand now, because I would if I was there. I'm sorry I worried you."

 

"Okay. Okay. Thank you."

The connection is still staticky. Galley says, helplessly: "I don't know what I did wrong. I only want to do wrong things on purpose. It's no fun to fuck things up on accident. The Captain thinks it's funny. When I. That I say I'll. That I said I— might. Used to have. Wanted to blow up. But won't now!"