The Wheel Turns

"I... are you really Mica, now?" Ethan asks quietly, holding onto the doorframe.

 

Fuck. Right into the hard questions.

"I'm not Mica," he says. "He's not in this body anymore, and I am. But I'm someone new. I...I don't remember anything personal to Mica. I know things, like language and stories and how to walk, stuff like that. But I'm not Mica."

He sighs. "I didn't want to hurt you. I wouldn't have come here if Mutt hadn't brought us here."

 

The eight year old stares, then his lip wobbles. "...you... you didn't want to see me?"

 

"No! That's not - I didn't say that. I just....I didn't want to make anyone hurt."

He holds out his arms, offering a hug to Ethan. "Please, don't be mad. I'm trying to be a good person."

 

Ethan hesitates, then gives Nul a cautious, uncertain hug...

Maybe... maybe he'll remember Ethan, if Ethan keeps trying...

 

Nul hugs Ethan tightly, trying to remember something, anything. Nothing. He lets go.

"Tell me about Mica," he says. "Can you tell me what he was like?"

 

"I.... he... he was the best brother ever, and he'd tell me stories, and play cards with me, and he'd let me win a lot, and-"

 

Cards, okay. He can do cards. "Do you have a deck? We could play something."

 

Ethan rubs at his eyes, nodding. "...but we're supposed to wait for mom and dad before we go downstairs for christmas..."

 

"And Arie," Nul agrees. "I'm sur- Mutt, no, what are you doing?"

 

Mutt is opening one of the other doors. They ignore Nul and look inside.

 

Arie is so absorbed in her grief and rage that it's a moment before she notices that her door's been opened. On any other Christmas morning it would have been Ethan seeking big-sisterly approval for his "wake Mom and Dad up so we can do presents" plan. Instead, she looks up to see the... the new one.

"You sed you wer Budd," she croaks; she ran out of tears a little while ago, but the stopped nose that came with them hasn't gone away.

 

"...you're crying," Mutt says, concern clouding their face. "You're not supposed to be crying."

 

"...you're crying," Mutt says, concern clouding their face. "You're not supposed to be crying."

 

"Dothig was s'posed to habben." There's a tissue box on Arie's desk; she avails herself of it before trying to speak any more. Right-handedly, because her dominant left is still clinging like grim death to the little jar. "Mica was supposed to come back fine. Maybe in, in two pieces, but safe."

 

Mutt doesn't say anything. It is sort of their fault that Mica is gone - no! he was bad and he deserved it! But Arie....

"I'm sorry," they say. "You're not bad. I'm sorry."

 

Ethan is looking at Mutt and Arie from the hall, looking back up to Nul, expression unhappy.

 

"I'll be okay. I will," says Arie. There's not much conviction to it, but Ethan needs her to keep it together and so she'll fake it if she has to.

 

"That's not good," Nul observes quietly. Mutt is...well, they're Mutt, and Arie seems more upset than she's letting on.

 

"Okay," Mutt says. They turn back to Ethan and Nul.